Quickies

This is a discussion on Quickies within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; Two Reasons Why It\'s So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder 1. All the DNA is the same. 2. There are no dental records. ------------------------------------------------------------------------- ...

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    Quickies

    Two Reasons Why It\'s So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder

    1. All the DNA is the same.
    2. There are no dental records.

    -------------------------------------------------------------------------

    A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, \"Can you tell me how long it\'ll take
    to fly from San Francisco to New York City?\"

    The agent replies, \"Just a minute...\"

    \"Thank you,\" the blonde says, and hangs up.

    __________________________________________________ _____

    Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez.
    \"How was he killed?\" asked one detective.
    \"With a golf gun,\" the other detective replied.
    \"A golf gun?! What is a golf gun?\"
    \"I don\'t know. But it sure made a hole in Juan.\"

    __________________________________________________ _______

    The investigation of Martha Stewart continues. Her recipe for chicken
    casserole is quite efficient. First you boil the chicken in water. And then
    you dump the stock.

    __________________________________________________ _______

    New Sex Study...

    It has been determined that the most used sexual position for married
    couples is a doggie position. The husband sits up and begs. The wife rolls
    over and plays dead.

    __________________________________________________ _______

    This guy has been sitting in a bar all night, staring at a blonde wearing
    the tightest pants he\'s ever seen. Finally his curiosity gets the best of
    him, so he walks over and asks, \"How do you get into those pants?\"

    The young woman looks him over and replies, \"Well, you could start by buying
    me a drink.\"

    __________________________________________________ _______

    Moe: \"My wife got me to believe in religion.\"
    Joe: \"Really?\"
    Moe: \"Yeah. Until I married her I didn\'t believe in hell.\"

    __________________________________________________ _______

    A man is recovering from surgery when a nurse asks him how he is feeling.
    \"I\'m O.K. but I didn\'t like the four-letter-word the doctor used in
    surgery,\" he answered.

    \"What did he say,\" asked the nurse.

    \"OOPS!\"

    __________________________________________________ __

    While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of
    bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had
    even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my husband\'s advice.

    \"What do you think?\" I asked. \"Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?\"

    \"Better get a bikini,\" he replied. \"You\'d never get it all in one.\"

    __________________________________________________ _______

    Grandpa was driving with his 9 year old granddaughter and beeped the horn by
    mistake. She turned and looked at him for an explanation.

    He said, \"I did that by accident.\"

    She replied, \"I know that, Grandpa.\"

    He replied, \"How did you know?\"

    She said, \"Because you didn\'t say \"*******!\" afterwards.

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