A Diet That WORKS!

This is a discussion on A Diet That WORKS! within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; Q: I\'ve heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true? A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that\'s it...don\'t ...

Results 1 to 1 of 1

Thread: A Diet That WORKS!

  1. #1
    Bravo3
    Guest Bravo3's Avatar

    A Diet That WORKS!

    Q: I\'ve heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this
    true?

    A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that\'s it...don\'t
    waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up
    your heart will not make you live longer; that\'s like saying you can
    extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer?
    Take a nap.


    Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

    A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and
    corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an
    efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need
    grain?
    Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy
    vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily
    allowance of vegetable products.


    Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

    A: Well, if you have a body, and you have body fat, your ratio is one to
    one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.


    Q: What are some of the advantages of participating a regular exercise
    program?

    A: Can\'t think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good.


    Q: Aren\'t fried foods bad for you?

    A: You\'re not listening. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil.
    In fact, they\'re permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be
    bad for you?


    Q: What\'s the secret to healthy eating?

    A: Thicker gravy.


    Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the
    middle?

    A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You
    should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.


    Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

    A: Are you crazy? HELLO ...... Cocoa beans ... another vegetable!!!
    It\'s the best \"feel good\" food around!


    Q: Is swimming good for your figure?

    A: Explain whales to me...



    Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had
    about food and diets. Now go have a cookie...flour is a veggie!

  2. Remove Ads

Links

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  

Similar Threads

  1. Dr. Pepper Releases "Manly" Diet Soda!
    By GunnyBunny in forum Off Topic & Humor Discussion
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: February 22nd, 2011, 01:50 PM
  2. Diet is starting now
    By ExactlyMyPoint in forum Off Topic & Humor Discussion
    Replies: 7
    Last Post: December 26th, 2009, 03:06 PM
  3. A Twist On The Jailhouse Diet Theme
    By Captain Crunch in forum Off Topic & Humor Discussion
    Replies: 6
    Last Post: April 28th, 2008, 05:50 PM
  4. Diet Coke + Mentos (Video)
    By cagueits in forum Off Topic & Humor Discussion
    Replies: 5
    Last Post: June 14th, 2007, 01:51 PM
  5. Purina Diet
    By PatrioticRick in forum Off Topic & Humor Discussion
    Replies: 17
    Last Post: August 2nd, 2006, 10:17 AM

Search tags for this page

the jailhouse diet

Click on a term to search for related topics.