Funny Things Said During Actual Courtroom Testimony

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    Funny Things Said During Actual Courtroom testimony

    Q: Are you sexually active?
    A: No, I just lie there.

    Q: What is your date of birth?
    A: July 15th.
    Q: What year?
    A: Every year.

    Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
    A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

    Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
    A: Yes.
    Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
    A: I forget.
    Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you\'ve
    forgotten?

    Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
    A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can\'t remember which.
    Q: How long has he lived with you?
    A: Forty-five years.

    Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that
    morning?
    A: He said, \"Where am I, Cathy?\"
    Q: And why did that upset you?
    A: My name is Susan.

    Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the
    occult?
    A: We both do.
    Q: Voodoo?
    A: We do.
    Q: You do?
    A: Yes, voodoo.

    Q: Now doctor, isn\'t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he
    doesn\'t know about it until the next morning?

    Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?

    Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?

    Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
    A: Yes.
    Q: And what were you doing at that time?

    Q: She had three children, right?
    A: Yes.
    Q: How many were boys?
    A: None.
    Q: Were there any girls?

    Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
    A: By death.
    Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

    Q: Can you describe the individual?
    A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
    Q: Was this a male, or a female?

    Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a
    deposition notice that I sent to your attorney?
    A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

    Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
    A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

    Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
    A: Oral.

    Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
    A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
    Q: And Mr.. Dennington was dead at the time?
    A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing
    an autopsy.

    Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

    Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check
    for a pulse?
    A: No.
    Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
    A: No.
    Q: Did you check for breathing?
    A: No.
    Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when
    you began the autopsy?
    A: No.
    Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
    A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
    Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
    A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and
    practicing law somewhere.

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