A guy walks into a bar (PG 13)

[Sheldon J]

A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking, the monkey starts jumping all over the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes and eats them,then jumps up on the pool table, grabs the cue ball, sticks it in his mouth and swallows it whole.

The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just did?"

The guy says, "No, what?"

"He just ate the cue ball off my pool table - whole!" says the bartender.

"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replies the patron. "He eats everything in sight, the little twerp. I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff."

He finishes his drink, pays his bill, and leaves.
Two weeks later he's in the bar again, and he has his monkey with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again.

While the man is drinking, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his bum, pulls it out, and eats it.

The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?"

"Now what?" asks the patron. "Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry up his bum, then pulled it out and ate it!" says the barkeeper.

"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replies the patron. "He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he ate that cue ball he measures it first!"

[DefensiveCarry.com]

[Glocksin]

OW!

[Barbary]

Bwahahahaha!!!

[babyhulk]

ha ha ha!!!
Smart monkey!!

[Hiram25]

Burn me once!

[gaowlpoop]

Two Irishmen walk out of a bar...............well it could happen.

[chasbo00]

Guy walks into a bar. He tells the bartender that he wants seven shots of whiskey all lined up shot glass to shot glass on the bar. The bartender complies and then the guy starts drinking them down, hurriedly, one right after the other. As the guy is about to pick up the last one, the bartender says "man, you shouldn't drink like that, it's just not good for you at all. The guy looks at the bartender and replies; "you would drink like this too if you had what I got." The bartender asks; "what have you got?" The guy replies; "50 cents."