Don't mess with old guys jokes

Don't mess with old guys jokes

This is a discussion on Don't mess with old guys jokes within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; Another thread got me thinking about why you "don't mess with old guys." Here's another classic. Please post others. This is funny stuff!!!!! The IRS ...

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  1. #1
    VIP Member Array BugDude's Avatar
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    Don't mess with old guys jokes

    Another thread got me thinking about why you "don't mess with old guys." Here's another classic. Please post others. This is funny stuff!!!!!



    The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the IRS office.
    The IRS auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his
    attorney.
    The auditor said, 'Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle
    and no full-time employment, Which you explain by saying that you win money
    gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable.'
    I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it,' says Grandpa. 'How about a
    demonstration?'
    The auditor thinks for a moment and said, 'Okay. Go
    ahead.'
    Grandpa says, 'I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.'
    The auditor thinks a moment and says, 'It's a bet.'
    Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor's jaw
    drops.
    Grandpa says, 'Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can
    bite my other eye.'
    Now the auditor can tell Grandpa isn't blind, so he
    takes the bet.
    Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye.
    The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three
    grand, with Grandpa's attorney as a witness. He starts to get
    nervous.
    'Want to go double or nothing?' Grandpa asks 'I'll bet you six
    thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that
    wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.'
    The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks
    carefully and decides there's no way this old guy could possibly manage that
    stunt, so he agrees again.
    Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his
    pants, but although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the
    wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor's
    desk.
    The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into
    a huge win.
    But Grandpa's own attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.
    'Are you okay?' the auditor asks.
    'Not really,' says the attorney. 'This morning, when Grandpa told me he'd been
    summoned for an
    audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and pee
    all over your desk and that you'd be happy about it!'



    MORAL? :: Don't Mess with Old People!!
    Know Guns, Know Safety, Know Peace.
    No Guns, No Safety, No Peace.


    Guns are like sex and air...its no big deal until YOU can't get any.


  2. #2
    VIP Member Array paaiyan's Avatar
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    I've heard this one before, but it's still good for a chuckle.
    My blog

    WARNING: This post may contain material offensive to those who lack wit, humor, common sense and/or supporting factual or anecdotal evidence. All statements and assertions contained herein may be subject to literary devices not limited to: irony, metaphor, allusion and dripping sarcasm.

  3. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by paaiyan View Post
    I've heard this one before, but it's still good for a chuckle.
    ^^^^YEP^^^^^^^^^^^^


    A little different version, but still good.
    If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans.

    Washington didn't use his freedom of speech to defeat the British, He shot them!

    Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it whether it exists or not, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedy." -- Ernest Benn

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    VIP Member Array glockman10mm's Avatar
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    You are on a roll BugDude. Keepem comin!

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