November 10th, 2010 08:22 PM
Don't mess with old guys jokes
Another thread got me thinking about why you "don't mess with old guys." Here's another classic. Please post others. This is funny stuff!!!!!
The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the IRS office.
The IRS auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his
The auditor said, 'Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle
and no full-time employment, Which you explain by saying that you win money
gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable.'
I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it,' says Grandpa. 'How about a
The auditor thinks for a moment and said, 'Okay. Go
Grandpa says, 'I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.'
The auditor thinks a moment and says, 'It's a bet.'
Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor's jaw
Grandpa says, 'Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can
bite my other eye.'
Now the auditor can tell Grandpa isn't blind, so he
takes the bet.
Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye.
The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three
grand, with Grandpa's attorney as a witness. He starts to get
'Want to go double or nothing?' Grandpa asks 'I'll bet you six
thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that
wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.'
The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks
carefully and decides there's no way this old guy could possibly manage that
stunt, so he agrees again.
Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his
pants, but although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the
wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor's
The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into
a huge win.
But Grandpa's own attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.
'Are you okay?' the auditor asks.
'Not really,' says the attorney. 'This morning, when Grandpa told me he'd been
summoned for an
audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and pee
all over your desk and that you'd be happy about it!'
MORAL? :: Don't Mess with Old People!!
Know Guns, Know Safety, Know Peace.
No Guns, No Safety, No Peace.
Guns are like sex and air...its no big deal until YOU can't get any.
November 11th, 2010 11:04 AM
I've heard this one before, but it's still good for a chuckle.
This post may contain material offensive to those who lack wit, humor, common sense and/or supporting factual or anecdotal evidence. All statements and assertions contained herein may be subject to literary devices not limited to: irony, metaphor, allusion and dripping sarcasm.
November 11th, 2010 07:19 PM
Originally Posted by paaiyan
A little different version, but still good.
If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans.
Washington didn't use his freedom of speech to defeat the British, He shot them!
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it whether it exists or not, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedy." -- Ernest Benn
November 11th, 2010 07:46 PM
You are on a roll BugDude. Keepem comin!
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