How to deal with a cop .... warning A blatent theft from another forum
Alduro’s Guide to Dealing with the Police
1.) When you are pulled over, remember, cops are not like normal people. Be sure to fidget a lot and talk to yourself while saying things like “conspiracy” and “oppression”.
2.) Always make sudden movements then yell out “JUST KIDDING!” at the last second. Cops love that crap.
3.) When the cop first walks up to your window, scream “I KNOW MY RIGHTS!”….it’s a real charming way to start a stop.
4.) For every question the cop asks be sure to reply “None of your bees wax” over and over again.
5.) Call the cop “Ociffer” then giggle to yourself.
6.) High-five yourself every time you hear the cop say the word “sir”.
7.) When the cop asks for your drivers license tell him you are a sovereign citizen and be sure to include something about being the last Mohican, cops get a reward for finding the last of a Native American lineage.
8.) When the cop tells you what you did wrong blurt out “I know you are but what am I?” out of context as absolutely often as possible.
9.) Make sure if you are carrying a concealed handgun that you say “Nice duty weapon” then giggle and say “I carry more firepower than that between my thighs”.
10.) If you are carrying a concealed weapon be sure and let the cop know by yelling “I’VE GOT A GUN!” as he approaches your vehicle.
11.) If it is a K-9 unit, try to stuff as much beef jerky as possible down the front of your pants.
12.) If it is a K-9 unit, make every attempt, even if you have to use force to do so, to pet the dog while explaining what a great animal person you are.
13.) If the cops try to pull you over, stop the car, get out and run as fast as you can to their window. They love the fact that you are so anxious to meet them.
Follow those 13 little steps and I promise, your life will change.