How to deal with a cop .... warning A blatent theft from another forum

How to deal with a cop .... warning A blatent theft from another forum

This is a discussion on How to deal with a cop .... warning A blatent theft from another forum within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; Alduro’s Guide to Dealing with the Police 1.) When you are pulled over, remember, cops are not like normal people. Be sure to fidget a ...

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 15 of 16

Thread: How to deal with a cop .... warning A blatent theft from another forum

  1. #1
    VIP Member Array Redneck Repairs's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Location
    Colorado
    Posts
    5,134

    How to deal with a cop .... warning A blatent theft from another forum

    Alduro’s Guide to Dealing with the Police
    1.) When you are pulled over, remember, cops are not like normal people. Be sure to fidget a lot and talk to yourself while saying things like “conspiracy” and “oppression”.
    2.) Always make sudden movements then yell out “JUST KIDDING!” at the last second. Cops love that crap.
    3.) When the cop first walks up to your window, scream “I KNOW MY RIGHTS!”….it’s a real charming way to start a stop.
    4.) For every question the cop asks be sure to reply “None of your bees wax” over and over again.
    5.) Call the cop “Ociffer” then giggle to yourself.
    6.) High-five yourself every time you hear the cop say the word “sir”.
    7.) When the cop asks for your drivers license tell him you are a sovereign citizen and be sure to include something about being the last Mohican, cops get a reward for finding the last of a Native American lineage.
    8.) When the cop tells you what you did wrong blurt out “I know you are but what am I?” out of context as absolutely often as possible.
    9.) Make sure if you are carrying a concealed handgun that you say “Nice duty weapon” then giggle and say “I carry more firepower than that between my thighs”.
    10.) If you are carrying a concealed weapon be sure and let the cop know by yelling “I’VE GOT A GUN!” as he approaches your vehicle.
    11.) If it is a K-9 unit, try to stuff as much beef jerky as possible down the front of your pants.
    12.) If it is a K-9 unit, make every attempt, even if you have to use force to do so, to pet the dog while explaining what a great animal person you are.
    13.) If the cops try to pull you over, stop the car, get out and run as fast as you can to their window. They love the fact that you are so anxious to meet them.

    Follow those 13 little steps and I promise, your life will change.
    Make sure you get full value out of today , Do something worthwhile, because what you do today will cost you one day off the rest of your life .
    We only begin to understand folks after we stop and think .

    Criminals are looking for victims, not opponents.


  2. #2
    Assistant Administrator
    Array P95Carry's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Location
    South West PA
    Posts
    25,484
    I know Alduro from THR and he has written some darned funny stuff - and he is a serving LEO so writes from that perspective too.

    This is what we might also call the 13 point guarantee of arrest
    Chris - P95
    NRA Certified Instructor & NRA Life Member.

    "To own a gun and assume that you are armed
    is like owning a piano and assuming that you are a musician!."


    http://www.rkba-2a.com/ - a portal for 2A links, articles and some videos.

  3. #3
    VIP Member Array Redneck Repairs's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Location
    Colorado
    Posts
    5,134
    heck Chris all we need is chiwawa or canned 15 mentioned and its the gunkid code imho LOL
    Make sure you get full value out of today , Do something worthwhile, because what you do today will cost you one day off the rest of your life .
    We only begin to understand folks after we stop and think .

    Criminals are looking for victims, not opponents.

  4. #4
    Assistant Administrator
    Array P95Carry's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Location
    South West PA
    Posts
    25,484
    Haha - could well be - except our GK didn't pass go and didn't collect $200 - and IS going to jail - done deal

    Only other missing item of course is the wheelbarrow!
    Chris - P95
    NRA Certified Instructor & NRA Life Member.

    "To own a gun and assume that you are armed
    is like owning a piano and assuming that you are a musician!."


    http://www.rkba-2a.com/ - a portal for 2A links, articles and some videos.

  5. #5
    VIP Member Array Redneck Repairs's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Location
    Colorado
    Posts
    5,134
    Re read and apply all of the above in the approprate jurisdiction and you can win a weekend vacation with him as a bunkie ... LOL
    Make sure you get full value out of today , Do something worthwhile, because what you do today will cost you one day off the rest of your life .
    We only begin to understand folks after we stop and think .

    Criminals are looking for victims, not opponents.

  6. #6
    Senior Member Array David III's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Location
    Sturgeon, MO
    Posts
    810
    That number 12 would work great! I know how police dogs just love to see force used in front of them. A bonus is getting to see just how big their teeth are.
    A bit off topic - I wasn't around during the GK era but I've read about him. Yesterday we were doing some work at the house and I was trying to figure out how to make my wheelbarrow more tactical....

  7. #7
    Senior Member Array Wayne's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Location
    Eugene, OR
    Posts
    822
    When an LEO starts to pull me over I hammer it for a couple of miles. I heard that LEO's love to have a car chase to make their night.

    As for guns, when they come up (after the chase), I ask them if they want to see the fully auto M-60, loaded, that I have in the trunk.

    A HUGE bag of oregano and baking powder, sitting in full view of the dash board is a good way to start up a friendly conversation with your LEO.

    Wayne


  8. #8
    Distinguished Member Array dimmak's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Location
    TN
    Posts
    1,752
    from "Meet the Fockers": "I will not stand down, you Sir will stand down!" (Out comes the Taser....)
    "Ray Nagin is a colossal disappointment" - NRA/ILA Executive Director Chris W. Cox.


    "...be water, my friend."

  9. #9
    VIP Member Array Bud White's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    Location
    Away - Health Problems
    Posts
    17,352
    Alduro does come up with some funny stuff

  10. #10
    VIP Member
    Array srfl's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Location
    FL
    Posts
    6,868
    "Follow those 13 little steps and I promise, your life will change."
    ....that is an understatement!
    USAF: Loving Our Obscene Amenities Since 1947

  11. #11
    Senior Member Array CombatEffective's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2005
    Posts
    998
    That's funny stuff...

    ... speaking of police K9s, we had two guys we were chasing run into a wooded area. The locals responded quickly with their tracking K9 and went to work. We set up at various points along the edge of the woods.

    One of the locals then came around and stressed to us "if somebody comes running out of those woods DO NOT give chase". :)
    Shooters' Legacy

    Special sections for S&W and Ruger

  12. #12
    Senior Member Array MR D's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    South Central PA
    Posts
    864


    There should be a Warning on this Thread!!

    any body know how to get root beer outta my keyboard?

    funny!

  13. #13
    VIP Member Array Old Chief's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    Southwest Tennessee
    Posts
    10,800
    Following these 13 rules to live by will earn you a free ride in the back seat of a squad car and an expense paid night (or more) with less than four star accomidations.

  14. #14
    Moderator
    Array Rock and Glock's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Location
    Colorado at 11,650'
    Posts
    13,055
    .....clean off keybord.........read responses.........keyboard again......


    The tyrant dies and his rule is over, the martyr dies and his rule begins. ― The Journals of Kierkegaard

  15. #15
    Member Array Amnesia Wes's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Location
    Hawaii
    Posts
    99
    And of course:

    If the officer says,
    "Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?"

    Say:
    "Your eyes look glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?"

    That'll surely win him over.

    Wes
    Always remember: 3 can keep a secret, if 2 are dead!

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Sponsored Links

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  

Similar Threads

  1. Identity Theft Warning-ex DEC, Compaq, HP Employees
    By LenS in forum Off Topic & Humor Discussion
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: March 23rd, 2006, 11:17 PM