Fight starter

This is a discussion on Fight starter within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; And The Fight Begins! A woman is standing nude looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to ...

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  1. #1
    Distinguished Member Array Dragman's Avatar
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    Fight starter

    And The Fight Begins!
    A woman is standing nude looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
    The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.
    To crush your enemies, to see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentations of their women

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    OK now, that's funny. A good New Year's Eve joke.

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    VIP Member Array varob's Avatar
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    Don't believe what you hear and only half of what you see!
    -Tony Soprano

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    Member Array 3rik's Avatar
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    "Obviously you're not a golfer." -The Dude

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    ...and she turned around and busted a cap in his butt and said, "Fight over!"
    -Bark'n
    Semper Fi


    "The gun is the great equalizer... For it is the gun, that allows the meek to repel the monsters; Whom are bigger, stronger and without conscience, prey on those who without one, would surely perish."

  7. #6
    Member Array MoResident's Avatar
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    Now that's a good one to remember.
    "Proud To Have Been Banned by Huff PO"

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    Wife asks husband for something that will go fro 0 to 200 in four seconds.
    Husband buys bathroom scale.
    Husband will get out of hospital next week.
    When you have to shoot, shoot. Don't talk.
    "Don't forget, incoming fire has the right of way."

  9. #8
    VIP Member Array miklcolt45's Avatar
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    I got into a fender bender the other day...lightly rear-ended the car in front of me.

    I couldn't believe my eyes when a midget got out of the car, stomped up to me and said, "I'm not happy!"

    I replied, "Then you must be Doc!"

    And that's when the fight started.
    He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose. - Jim Elliott

    The world is a dangerous place to live; not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it.
    Albert Einstein

  10. #9
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    I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?" She said, "Somewhere I have never been!" I told her, "How about the kitchen?"

    And thats when the fight started,,

    My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.
    She asked, "What's on TV?"

    I said, "Dust."

    And then the fight started...

    A husband and wife are shopping in their local Wal-Mart's and the husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their shopping cart.

    'What do you think you're doing?' asks the wife.

    'They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans,' he replies.

    'Put them back, we can't afford them,' demands the wife and so they carry on shopping.

    A few aisles further on along the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the shopping cart.

    'What do you think you're doing?' asks the husband.

    'Its my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,' replies the wife.

    Her husband retorts: 'So does 24 cans of Budweiser and its half the price.


    And thats when the fight started,,,,,

    My wife and I have the secret to making a marriage last. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, a little wine, good food... She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
    If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans.

    Washington didn't use his freedom of speech to defeat the British, He shot them!

    Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it whether it exists or not, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedy." -- Ernest Benn

  11. #10
    Distinguished Member Array Squawker's Avatar
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    Services for the husband will be held on Monday at 2:00 pm.
    "We are the people our parents warned us about!" J. Buffett

  12. #11
    VIP Member Array goldshellback's Avatar
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    Great present idea!

    This'll start something.....
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    "Just getting a concealed carry permit means you haven't commited a crime yet. CCP holders commit crimes." Daniel Vice, senior attorney for the Brady Campaign to Prevent Gun Violence, quoted on Fox & Friends, 8 Jul, 2008

    (Sometimes) "a fight avioded is a fight won." ... claude clay

  13. #12
    Senior Member Array sdprof's Avatar
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    Stay out of the doghouse!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CU3y86FK0WE
    ~~~~~
    The only common sense gun legislation was written about 224 years ago.

    I carry always not because I go places trouble is likely, but because trouble has a habit of not staying in its assigned zone.

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