A little poem for Christmas!

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Thread: A little poem for Christmas!

  1. #1
    New Member Array DoberVol's Avatar
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    Talking A little poem for Christmas!

    'Twas the night before Christmas,
    Half asleep in my house,
    I thought I heard something,
    Was it only a mouse?

    No, the scratching too loud,
    What was that, someone pounding?
    A rat of a different kind
    Might be sounding.

    I eased out of my bed,
    A silently sneaking,
    "Keep a clear head," I thought
    No panic or freaking.

    Reaching for glasses,
    I heard still more tapping,
    So I pushed on my specs,
    To see whose butt I'd be blastin'.

    'Fore I met the intruder,
    Which weapon to take?
    Glock, AR, Magnum?
    Or scattergun, for Nick's sake?

    The 1911 I grabbed,
    It had a tactical light,
    For to blind me a prowler,
    With one shot win the fight.

    To the den I did charge,
    Handgun drawn, light a blazin'
    But to see an old man
    Dressed in red, 'twas amazin'.

    And fat? Oh, dear Lord,
    As big as a barn.
    He laughed, “Ho, Ho, Ho!”
    What the *&#@ was he on?

    I extended my gun
    For to press off a shot,
    What this nut had been smokin'
    Must be much worse than pot.

    But he cried, "Wait now, Sonny!
    Though I gave you a fright
    I came to your house
    To bring presents tonight."

    To his sack he did point--
    The one with the toys.
    He said he had brought them
    For good girls and boys.

    “Ain’t no children here,”
    Said I with a sneer.
    “What the heck are you, big ‘un?
    Some pedophile queer?”

    “Why, I’m Santa!” he said.
    In a joyous decree.
    “Oh, please, you ol’ codger.
    You ain’t foolin’ me.”

    “Mom and Dad didn’t lie;
    They said you don’t exist.
    They worked their butts off,
    To buy the toys on my list.

    “Just head back up that chimney,
    End this crazy trespass.
    But make no sudden moves,
    Or I’ll bust a cap in your a$$.”

    “Gun nut wacko!” he shouted,
    As he slid out of sight.
    “Ya think I’m scary?” I muttered.
    “You oughta see my wife.”

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  3. #2
    VIP Member Array paaiyan's Avatar
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    Lol, good stuff. That's funny...
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    WARNING: This post may contain material offensive to those who lack wit, humor, common sense and/or supporting factual or anecdotal evidence. All statements and assertions contained herein may be subject to literary devices not limited to: irony, metaphor, allusion and dripping sarcasm.

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