In case you haven't seen this -

In case you haven't seen this -

This is a discussion on In case you haven't seen this - within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; Trouble with most jokes and stories these days - they have ''done the rounds'' but some are so good even so I think they deserve ...

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Thread: In case you haven't seen this -

  1. #1
    VIP Member (Retired Staff) Array P95Carry's Avatar
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    In case you haven't seen this -

    Trouble with most jokes and stories these days - they have ''done the rounds'' but some are so good even so I think they deserve another airing. Here are two I enjoyed.

    First is one I saw a while ago but still tickled me - the other, well - laugh a minute for me


    The following is supposedly an actual question given on a University of
    Washington chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so "profound"
    that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of
    course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.

    Bonus Question:

    Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic absorbs heat)?
    Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas
    cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant. One
    student, however, wrote the following:

    First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need
    to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which
    they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to
    Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many
    souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different Religions that exist in
    the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member
    of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of
    these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we
    can project that all souls go to Hell.
    With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in
    Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the
    volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature
    and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand
    proportionately as souls are added. This gives two possibilities:

    1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter
    Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell
    breaks loose.

    2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell,
    then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
    So which is it?

    If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year
    that, "it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you, and take into
    account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number 2 must be
    true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen

    The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it
    follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore,
    extinct...leaving only Heaven thereby proving the existence of a divine
    being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."


    Remember the show Hollywood Squares. Not the present boring one, but the great shows with all of the original actors when ad libbing was an art form?

    Q: Do female frogs croak?
    A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.

    Q: If your're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be?
    A: Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.

    Q: True or false, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
    A: George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.

    Q: You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
    A: Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.

    Q: According to Cosmo, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, it okay to come out and ask him he's married?
    A: Rose Marie: No, wat until morning

    Q: Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
    A: Charlie Weaver: My sense of decency.

    Q: In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say "I love you"?
    A: Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.

    Q: What are "Do It", "I Can Help", and " I Can't Get Enough"?
    A: George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.

    Q: As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking?
    A: Rose Marie: You aske me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget.

    Q: Q: Jackie Gleason recently reveled that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
    A: Charley Weaver: His feet.

    Q: According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
    A: Paul Lynde: Point and Laugh.

    Q: When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?
    A: Paul Lynde: Make him bark?

    Q: Charley, you'be just decided to grow stawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?
    A: Charley Weaver: Of course not. I'll be too busy growing strawberries.

    Q: In bowling, what's a perfect score?
    A: Rose Marie: The pin boy.

    Q: It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects a nudist camps. One is politics, what is the other?
    A: Paul Lynde: Tape measures.

    Q: If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
    A: Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.

    Q: According to Ann Landers, i there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people.
    A: Charlie Weaver: It got me out of the Army.

    Q: It is the abused nd neglected part of your body, what is it?
    A: Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected.

    Q: Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
    A: George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.
    Chris - P95
    NRA Certified Instructor & NRA Life Member.

    "To own a gun and assume that you are armed
    is like owning a piano and assuming that you are a musician!." - a portal for 2A links, articles and some videos.

  2. #2
    Senior Member Array David III's Avatar
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    Sturgeon, MO
    P95 -- that Hollywood Squares stuff is great. Now I'm sitting here at work laughing like an idiot..... not that I don't usually do that...

  3. #3
    VIP Member Array Redneck Repairs's Avatar
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    Nov 2005
    lol thanks , i had seen them , but its been long enough they made me chuckle all over again .
    Make sure you get full value out of today , Do something worthwhile, because what you do today will cost you one day off the rest of your life .
    We only begin to understand folks after we stop and think .

    Criminals are looking for victims, not opponents.

  4. #4
    Senior Member Array Wayne's Avatar
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    Eugene, OR
    I remember the first one from awhile back. If true that was one smart student.

    As for the second, I sometimes watch HWS on (damn, now I forgot the name of the channel, the one that plays old stuff) and those old comedians were great and fast on their feet w/funny remarks.


  5. #5
    Distinguished Member Array BCurry1's Avatar
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    Jan 2006
    LOL, both very funny, thanks for sharing!

  6. #6
    JD is offline
    Array JD's Avatar
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  7. #7
    VIP Member Array Sheldon J's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jdlv4_0
    Plus 1
    "The sword dose not cause the murder, and the maker of the sword dose not bear sin" Rabbi Solomon ben Isaac 11th century

  8. #8
    VIP Member Array Old Chief's Avatar
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    Southwest Tennessee
    The student that wrote the only "A" answer to the profs question was very sharp. LOL on the Hollywood squares.

  9. #9
    VIP Member Array Bud White's Avatar
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    Away - Health Problems
    ive seen um both but still funny

  10. #10
    Senior Member Array Freedz's Avatar
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    Western PA
    Its new to me - holy crap thats funny!

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