Breaking News Story....

This is a discussion on Breaking News Story.... within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; Jacques Chirac, The French Prime Minister, was sitting in his office wondering what kind of mischief he could perpetrate when his telephone rang. \"Hallo, Mr. ...

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    Breaking News Story....

    Jacques Chirac, The French Prime Minister, was sitting in his office
    wondering what kind of mischief he could perpetrate when his telephone
    rang.

    \"Hallo, Mr. Chirac!\", a heavily accented voice said. \"This is Paddy
    down at the Harp Pub in County Sligo, Ireland. I am ringing to inform
    you that we are officially declaring war on you!\"

    \"Well, Paddy,\" Chirac replied, \"This is indeed important news! How
    big is your army?\"

    \"Right now,\" said Paddy, after a moment\'s calculation, \"there is
    myself, me cousin Sean, me next door neighbor Seamus, and the entire
    dart team from the pub. That makes eight!\"

    Chirac paused. \"I must tell you, Paddy, that I have one hundred
    thousand men in my army waiting to move on my command.\"

    \"Begorra!\" said Paddy. \"I\'ll have to ring you back!\"

    Sure enough, the next day, Paddy called again. \"Mr. Chirac, the war
    is still on. We have managed to get us some infantry equipment!\"

    \"And what equipment would that be, Paddy?\" Chirac asked. \"Well, we
    have two combines, a bulldozer, and Murphy\'s farm tractor.\"

    Chirac sighed, amused. \"I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 6,000
    tanks and 5,000 armored personnel carriers. Also, I\'ve increased my
    army to one hundred fifty thousand since we last spoke.\"

    \"Saints preserve us!\" said Paddy. \"I\'ll have to get back to you.\"

    Sure enough, Paddy rang again the next day. \"Mr. Chirac, the war is
    still on!\" We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We\'ve modified
    Jackie McLaughlin\'s ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the
    cockpit, and four boys from the Shamrock Pub have joined us as well!\"

    Chirac was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. \"I must
    tell you, Paddy, that I have 100 bombers and 2000 fighter planes. My
    military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile
    sites. And since we last spoke, I\'ve increased my army to two hundred
    thousand!\"

    \"Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!\", said Paddy, \"I\'ll have to ring you back.\"

    Sure enough, Paddy called again the next day. \"Top o'the mornin\',
    Mr.Chirac! I am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the
    war.\"

    \"I\'m sorry to hear that,\" said Chirac. \"Why the sudden change of
    heart?\"

    \"Well,\" said Paddy, \"we\'ve all had a long chat over a bunch of pints,
    and decided there\'s no foo-kin way we can feed two hundred thousand
    prisoners.\"

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