Zen Teachings...

This is a discussion on Zen Teachings... within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; ZEN TEACHINGS 1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do ...

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Thread: Zen Teachings...

  1. #1
    VIP Member Array Sheldon J's Avatar
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    Cool Zen Teachings...

    ZEN TEACHINGS


    1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of

    me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me for the path is

    narrow. In fact, just leave me alone.




    2. Sex is like air. It's not that important unless you aren't getting any.




    3. No one is listening until you fart.




    4. Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.




    5. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.




    6. If you think nobody cares whether you're alive or dead, try

    missing a couple of mortgage payments.




    7. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their

    shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you

    have their shoes.




    8. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.




    9. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day.. Teach him how to

    fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.




    10. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was

    probably well worth it.




    11. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.




    12. Some days you are the dog, some days you are the tree.




    13. Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time.




    14. Good judgment comes from bad experience and most of that comes

    from bad judgment.




    15. A closed mouth gathers no foot.




    16. There are two excellent theories for arguing with women. Neither

    one works.




    17. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.




    18. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
    shooterX, msgt/ret and JoJoGunn like this.
    "The sword dose not cause the murder, and the maker of the sword dose not bear sin" Rabbi Solomon ben Isaac 11th century

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  3. #2
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    Array WHEC724's Avatar
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    LOL. #1 pretty much sums me up.
    __________________________________
    'Clinging to my guns and religion

  4. #3
    VIP Member Array dukalmighty's Avatar
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    Ah So glasshoppa can relate to too many of the teachings
    "Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country,"
    --Mayor Marion Barry, Washington , DC .

  5. #4
    VIP Member Array chiefjason's Avatar
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    I prefer to live dangerously free than safely caged!

    "Our houses are protected by the good Lord and a gun. And you might meet 'em both if you show up here not welcome son." Josh Thompson "Way Out Here"

  6. #5
    VIP Member Array miklcolt45's Avatar
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    That's LOL, you lacist!
    He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose. - Jim Elliott

    The world is a dangerous place to live; not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it.
    Albert Einstein

  7. #6
    VIP Member Array JoJoGunn's Avatar
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    I have done #10 .

    Also #16 is definitely an excercise in futility.

    Plus I am not even going near a comment on #2.
    "A Smith & Wesson always beats 4 aces!"

    The Man Prayer. "Im a man, I can change, if I have to.....I guess!" ~ Red Green

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