Wall Mart don't like me anymore

Wall Mart don't like me anymore

This is a discussion on Wall Mart don't like me anymore within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; Dear Mrs Keenan, Over the past six months, your recently retired husband, Mr. Bob Keenan, has been the source of quite a bit of commotion ...

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Thread: Wall Mart don't like me anymore

  1. #1
    VIP Member Array Redneck Repairs's Avatar
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    Wall Mart don't like me anymore

    Dear Mrs Keenan,

    Over the past six months, your recently retired husband, Mr. Bob Keenan, has been the source of quite a bit of commotion in our store.

    We cannot tolerate this type of behavior and are considering banning the entire Keenan family from shopping in any Wal-Mart.

    Three of our clerks are attending stress management counseling because of the trouble Mr. Keenan has caused.

    All complaints against Mr. Keenan have been compiled by the clerks and are listed below:

    Complaints regarding actions by Mr. William Fenton while Mrs Fenton was shopping in our Wal-Mart:

    1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.

    2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5 minute intervals.

    3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest room.

    4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, Code 3 in housewares

    5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and put a bag of M&M's on Christmas layaway.

    6. September 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

    7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.

    8. September 23: When a clerk asked if they can help him, he begins to cry and asked, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

    9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera at the jewelry counter; used it as a mirror, and picked his nose.

    10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department he asked the clerk if they knew where the antidepressants were.

    11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the "Mission: Impossible" theme.

    12. December 6: In the auto department, practiced his "Madonna look" using different size funnels.

    13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack, and when people browsed through, yelled, "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

    14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed the fetal position and screamed, "NO! NO! It's those voices again!"

    And, last, but not least!

    15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited a while; then yelled very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"
    Make sure you get full value out of today , Do something worthwhile, because what you do today will cost you one day off the rest of your life .
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  2. #2
    Member Array kansas_shooter's Avatar
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    Now thats funny.
    One shot. One kill.

    Primary Carry - Taurus PT-111 Mil Pro 9mm DAO with 12 + 1 in the pipe. Holstered in a Brigade OWB M2.

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  3. #3
    Lead Moderator
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    I like it! Especially 14 & 15.
    Rick

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  4. #4
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    Funny!

    Thanks for posting this! I had seen these posted somewhere else and couldn't find where.
    USAF: Loving Our Obscene Amenities Since 1947

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    Distinguished Member Array randytulsa2's Avatar
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    Once again, this Board has made my day!!

    Thanks for the laugh!
    :)

  6. #6
    Senior Member Array WJP9's Avatar
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    -Bill

    "Better to have it and not need it, than to need it and not have it."

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    I don't think I have ever seen this one. Very good.

  8. #8
    VIP Member Array ELCruisr's Avatar
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    Sounds like Mr. Keenan might be fun to take along on a vacation....
    If you stand up and be counted, from time to time you may get yourself knocked down. But remember this: A man flattened by an opponent can get up again. A man flattened by conformity stays down for good. ~ Thomas J. Watson, Jr.

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    Senior Member Array cmidkiff's Avatar
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    Priceless :)
    Liberty is an inherently offensive lifestyle. Living in a free society guarantees that each one of us will see our most cherished principles and beliefs questioned and in some cases mocked. It's worth it.

  10. #10
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    Great! Nothing like some humor to mellow a new Monday
    Chris - P95
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    "To own a gun and assume that you are armed
    is like owning a piano and assuming that you are a musician!."


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  11. #11
    VIP Member Array artz's Avatar
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    LOL...... just great !

  12. #12
    Distinguished Member Array BCurry1's Avatar
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    Curry

  13. #13
    VIP Member Array Old Chief's Avatar
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    Now that is a man who knows how to shop at Wal-Mart.

  14. #14
    VIP Member Array Sheldon J's Avatar
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    Damn now I have some ideas for when I retire.
    "The sword dose not cause the murder, and the maker of the sword dose not bear sin" Rabbi Solomon ben Isaac 11th century

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    2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5 minute intervals.
    I done it....
    You have to make the shot when fire is smoking, people are screaming, dogs are barking, kids are crying and sirens are coming.
    Randy Cain.

    Ego will kill you. Leave it at home.
    Signed: Me!

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