Laws For Men: International Guidelines

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Thread: Laws For Men: International Guidelines

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    VIP Member Array Redneck Repairs's Avatar
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    Laws For Men: International Guidelines

    Laws For Men: International Guidelines

    1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

    2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
    (a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
    (b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
    (c) After wrecking your boss’s car.
    (d) One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into “The Crying Game”.
    (e) When she is using her teeth.

    3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.

    4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

    5: If you’ve known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.

    6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy’s fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

    7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy’s birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy’s choice.

    8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

    9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who’s playing.

    10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she’s officially your girlfriend.

    11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you’re sunning on a tropical beach… and it’s delivered by a topless model and only when it’s free.

    12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.

    13: Unless you’re in prison, never fight naked.

    14: Friends don’t let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

    15: If a man’s fly is down, that’s his problem, you didn’t see anything.

    16: Women who claim they “love to watch sports” must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.

    17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

    18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that’s just greedy.

    19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you’d better be talking about his choice of beer.

    20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she’s withholding sex pending your response.

    21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
    a) Yeah, Baby, Push it!
    b) C’mon, give me one more! Harder!
    c) Another set and we can hit the showers!

    22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e., both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.

    23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.

    24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly “just a friend” have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you’re feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion occurs about what a big mistake it was.

    25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.

    26: Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.

    27: The girl who replies to the question “What do you want for Christmas?” with “If you loved me, you’d know what I want!” gets an Xbox. End of story.

    28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men’s Gymnastics. Ever.

    29.We’ve all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition of each is listed below:

    “GUTS” is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, “are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?”

    “BALLS” is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass and having the balls to say, “You’re next!”

    We hope this clears up any confusion,

    The International Council of Manhood, Ltd.

    stolen and reposted from barking-moonbat.com a blog i read every day or two .
    Make sure you get full value out of today , Do something worthwhile, because what you do today will cost you one day off the rest of your life .
    We only begin to understand folks after we stop and think .

    Criminals are looking for victims, not opponents.

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    Distinguished Member Array BCurry1's Avatar
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    Curry

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    I was gonna quote some but hey - they are all rib-ticklers
    Chris - P95
    NRA Certified Instructor & NRA Life Member.

    "To own a gun and assume that you are armed
    is like owning a piano and assuming that you are a musician!."


    http://www.rkba-2a.com/ - a portal for 2A links, articles and some videos.

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    2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
    (a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
    I'm assuming this includes the ending of the film "Ol Yeller"?
    "I surrounded 'em"- Alvin York

    "They're ain't many troubles that a man can't fix with seven hundred dollars and a thirty ought six"- Jeff Cooper

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    VIP Member Array Redneck Repairs's Avatar
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    Yes, If you dont tear up and demand another beer watchin ol yeller well hell ya just aint human .
    Make sure you get full value out of today , Do something worthwhile, because what you do today will cost you one day off the rest of your life .
    We only begin to understand folks after we stop and think .

    Criminals are looking for victims, not opponents.

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    VIP Member Array artz's Avatar
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    Just outstanding ! LOL...

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    VIP Member Array KenpoTex's Avatar
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    Excellent list!
    "Being a predator isn't always comfortable but the only other option is to be prey. That is not an acceptable option." ~Phil Messina

    If you carry in Condition 3, you have two empty chambers. One in the weapon...the other between your ears.

    Matt K.

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    Funny, very funny.
    eschew obfuscation

    The only thing that stops bad guys with guns is good guys with guns. SgtD

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    Lead Moderator
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    Quote Originally Posted by Redneck Repairs
    8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.
    That depends on whose car it is!
    Rick

    EOD - Initial success or total failure

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    Distinguished Member Array dimmak's Avatar
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    good post...
    "Ray Nagin is a colossal disappointment" - NRA/ILA Executive Director Chris W. Cox.


    "...be water, my friend."

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    Distinguished Member Array 4my sons's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Team American
    I'm assuming this includes the ending of the film "Ol Yeller"?

    anything else, Well that's just insane.

    Your not a living, breathing human being if you didn't tear up on that one.
    "fundamental principle of American law that a government and its agents are under no general duty to provide public services, such as police protection, to any individual citizen." [Warren v. District of Columbia,(D.C. Ct. of Ap., 1981)]
    If I have to explain it, you wouldn't understand

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    Member Array bones's Avatar
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    Put your MAN card in your wallet.
    Keep it there.
    Don't leave home without it!

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