Rules of Gunfighting

This is a discussion on Rules of Gunfighting within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; Rules of Gunfighting The absolute First Rule of a Gunfight is "Have a gun!" The subsequent lines below help supplement that first rule: o Preferably, ...

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 15 of 27
Like Tree10Likes

Thread: Rules of Gunfighting

  1. #1
    Member Array Steve666's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    Location
    Indianapolis
    Posts
    47

    Rules of Gunfighting

    Rules of Gunfighting
    The absolute First Rule of a Gunfight is "Have a gun!"
    The subsequent lines below help supplement that first rule:
    o Preferably, have at least two guns.
    o Bring all of your friends who have guns.
    o Pack extra ammo
    If you can choose what to bring to a gunfight, bring a long gun... and a friend with a long gun.
    When You Have to Shoot
    Anything worth shooting is worth shooting two times, more if necessary. Ammo is cheap. Life is expensive.
    (Revisited) Ammo is cheap and (your) life is precious – so be generous. And shoot your adversary to the ground.
    "Why didn’t I shoot only once? There's no additional paperwork for shooting someone twice!"
    "Why did I shoot him 7 times? Because 6 times wouldn’t have been enough and 8 would have been too many."
    When asked, "Why do you need a gun with 17 rounds?" you should gently reply, "In case I get attacked by 17 bad guys."
    Only hits count. The only thing worse than a miss is a slow miss.
    Fast is Fine, Accurate is FINAL!!!
    In ten years nobody will remember the details of caliber, stance or tactics. They will only remember who lived.
    Someday someone may kill you with your own gun but they should have to beat you to death with it because it is empty.
    The 9mm
    "If you must own a 9mm, keep it in a box so you don’t accidentally load it. If you do load it, don’t shoot it. If you do shoot it don’t hit someone. Because if you do hit someone and if he ever realizes he’s shot, he’s going to be angry!"
    Nine-millimeters are all well and good until someone loses an eye.
    As long as one doesn't get into a gunfight, a 9mm is just fine.
    Do not attend a gunfight with a handgun whose caliber does not start with a "4."
    Winning the Fight
    Always cheat, always win. The only unfair fight is the one you lose.
    If you find yourself equally matched in a fight, you didn't plan your mission properly.
    The purpose of fighting is to win. There is no possible victory in defense. The sword is more important than the shield and skill is more important than either. The final weapon is the brain. All else is supplemental.
    Have a plan. Have a back-up plan, because the first one won't work.
    Watch their hands. Hands kill. (In God we trust. Everybody else keep your hands where I can see them.)
    The faster you finish the fight, the less shot you will get.
    A good general rule of thumb: Be polite. Be professional. But... have a plan to kill everyone you meet.
    Nothing handheld is a reliable stopper.
    Freedom Related
    An armed man is a citizen. An unarmed man is a victim.
    A gun in the hand is better than a cop on the phone.
    Smith & Wesson: The original point and click interface.
    If guns cause crime, then pencils cause misspelled words.
    Guns only have two enemies: Rust and Politicians.
    You don't shoot to kill; you shoot to stay alive.
    Criminals love gun control – it makes their jobs safer.
    If you know how many guns you own, you don’t own enough guns.
    You can't make an appointment to have an emergency so always have your firearm.
    Gun Inscription: Be not afraid of any man, no matter what his size. When danger threatens call on me, and I will equalize.
    Always fire two warning shots into your attacker’s chest area before putting a bullet between his eyes.
    Should be a required warning on every handgun: This handgun should only be used to enable you to get to your rifle which you should have had in hand before this firefight broke out.
    Proper Responses to Why Do You Carry a Gun?
    Because I can't carry a COP!!
    OK, so a cop can walk, but then you have to carry donuts to keep him close by.
    Because when seconds count the cops are only minutes away.
    I carry a gun because I'm too old to fight and too fat to run. A young guy will kick your ass, but an old man will just shoot you.
    Because I can't throw a rock 1000 fps.
    I don't want my dying words to be "Damn, I wish I had my gun.
    In case I need to shoot something… or someone.
    Cuz a gun ain't got no legs...
    For the same reasons I have fire extinguishers and wear my seatbelt.
    I would rather have a gun and not need it than need a gun and not have it.
    People tell me I should have seat belts, air bags, motorcycle helmets, fire extinguishers, a first aid kit, locks on my doors so I figure, what the heck, a gun couldn't hurt either.
    When did Noah build the Ark? That’s right, before it rained.
    Doesn't everyone carry a gun?
    My old grandpa said to me son, there comes a time in every man’s life when he stops busting knuckles and starts busting caps and usually it's when he becomes too old to take an ass whooping!
    I don't carry a gun to kill people; I carry a gun to keep from being killed.
    I don't carry a gun to scare people; I carry a gun because sometimes this world can be a scary place.
    I don't carry a gun because I'm paranoid; I carry a gun because there are real threats in the world.
    I don't carry a gun because I'm evil; I carry a gun because I have lived long enough to see the evil in the world.
    I don't carry a gun because I hate the government; I carry a gun because I understand the limitations of government.
    I don't carry a gun because I'm angry, I carry a gun so that I don't have to spend the rest of my life hating myself for failing to be prepared.
    I don't carry a gun because I want to shoot someone; I carry a gun because I want to die at a ripe old age in my bed and not on a sidewalk somewhere tomorrow afternoon.
    I don't carry a gun because I'm a cowboy; I carry a gun because, when I die and go to heaven, I want to be a cowboy.
    I don't carry a gun to make me feel like a man, I carry a gun because men know how to take care of themselves and the ones they love.
    I don't carry a gun because I feel inadequate; I carry a gun because unarmed and facing three armed thugs, I am inadequate.
    I don't carry a gun because I love it; I carry a gun because I love life and the people who make it meaningful to me.
    Police Protection is an oxymoron. Free citizens must protect themselves. Police do not protect you from crime, they usually just investigate the crime after it happens and then call someone in to clean up the mess.
    Personally, I carry a gun because I'm too young to die and too old to take an ass whooping!
    "Because I refuse to be a victim and I'm to lazy to push daisies"
    In a gunfight there is no such thing as overkill.
    An armed man will kill an unarmed man with monotonous regularity.
    Beware the man who only has one gun. HE PROBABLY KNOWS HOW TO USE IT!!!
    You have the rest of your life to solve your problems. How long you live depends on how well you do it.
    The sword is never the killer, it is a mere tool in the killers hand.
    Don't hit at all if it is honorably possible to avoid hitting; but never hit soft!
    The purpose of fighting is to win.
    Have you ever tried to skin a LIVE cat?
    "Don't look like I can count on you to remember yours."
    "I can hammer nails with this but I can't aim a hammer for squat."
    "Gun, I’ve got a gun... how the heck did that get there?"
    Because grenades cause too much collateral damage.
    "I'm too old to run and these are my good pants."
    "Ever tried beating people to death with a cop? I'm waaaaaay to old for all that."
    "It's a lot easier to kick idiots after you've shot them a couple times."
    "When I get tired of stupid questions people pay a lot more attention than they do with out the gun."
    "Because I'm too lazy to throw the bullets myself."
    "Because my dogs collar only lets him get 25 feet from the house..."
    It a conversation starter, see it's working already.
    All Americans carry guns, may I see your ID?
    My tank is in the shop.
    I think a better question is "Where is your gun?"
    Don't worry! There's no water in it.
    Because there is NO way I'm stuffing a cop into these pants!
    My old grandpa said to me son, there comes a time in every man’s life when he stops busting knuckles and starts busting caps and usually it's when he becomes too old to take an ass whooping!
    Personally, I carry a gun because I'm too young to die and too old to take an ass whooping!
    No one who was ever in a firefight has ever complained of having TOO MUCH ammunition.
    Keep shooting. Weigh them down with lead. Ammunition is cheap, life isn’t.
    Because I refuse to be a victim and I'm too lazy to push daisies.
    Because baseball bats are uncivilized, swords are messy, and people look at you funny when you carry either one to Wal-Mart.
    I kept tripping over my sword
    I carry so that bad things will happen to bad people.

    The old sheriff was attending an awards dinner when a lady commented on his wearing his sidearm. "Sheriff, I see you have your pistol. Are you expecting trouble?" "NO Ma'am. If I were expecting trouble, I would have brought my rifle."
    A reporter did a human interest piece on the Texas Rangers. The reporter recognized the Colt Model 1911 the Ranger was carrying and asked him, "Why do you carry a .45?"
    The Ranger responded with, "Because they don't make a. .46."
    The muzzle of a gun pretty much says, “Go Away” in every language.
    Because pointing my finger & yelling "bang… bang" is not very effective!!!
    Because you never know when one of us is going to come up lame and need to be put down!
    You know... because of the killer clowns.
    Miscellany
    Brandishing is a crime, and it's dangerous (to you) and foolish. The threat you face should catch at least two rounds before he realizes you have a firearm. Never brandish your weapon.
    The Pacifist and the Gun: When the Quaker found the burglar in his living room filling the sack with the family silver, the Quaker declaimed with calm, respectful dignity, "Friend, not for the world would I harm a hair on thy head, but thee is standing exactly where I am about to shoot."
    Bumper Sticker: Fight Crime – Shoot Back
    Engraved on Sir Walter Scott’s blunderbuss muzzle: "When rogues appear, my voice you’ll hear!"
    Waste enemies, not ammunition.
    The pen is mightier than the sword – except in a sword fight.
    A golf course is the willful and deliberate misuse of a perfectly good rifle range.
    PARTING NOTE: An unloaded gun is just a club!
    bigmacque and eww like this.
    Steve
    An armed society is a polite society

  2. Remove Ads

  3. #2
    Member Array Steve666's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    Location
    Indianapolis
    Posts
    47

    Why I carry a gun

    Why I Carry a Gun

    OPENING NOTE: If you find yourself in a fair fight... your tactics suck!

    1. The first rule of a gunfight is: HAVE A GUN
    2. The two next most important rules in a gunfight are: always cheat and always win.
    3. In a gunfight there is no such thing as overkill.
    4. Don't pick a fight with an old man. If he is too old to fight, he'll just kill you.
    5. I carry a gun ‘cause a cop is too heavy.
    6. OK, so a cop can walk, but then you have to carry donuts to keep him close by.
    7. When seconds count, the cops are just minutes away.
    8. An armed man will kill an unarmed man with monotonous regularity.
    9. Beware the man who only has one gun. HE PROBABLY KNOWS HOW TO USE IT!!!
    10. You have the rest of your life to solve your problems. How long you live depends on how well you do it.
    11. The sword is never the killer, it is a mere tool in the killers hand.
    12. Don't hit at all if it is honorably possible to avoid hitting; but never hit soft!
    13. The purpose of fighting is to win.
    14. Because I can't throw a rock 1325 fps.
    15. I don't want my dying words to be "Damn, I wish I had my gun.”
    16. I would rather have a gun and not need it than need a gun and not have it.
    17. In case I need to shoot something… or someone.
    18. ‘Cuz a gun ain't got no legs...
    19. Because you never know when one of us is going to come up lame and need to be put down!
    20. You know... because of the killer clowns.
    21. Have you ever tried to skin a LIVE cat?
    22. "Don't look like I can count on you to remember yours."
    23. "I can hammer nails with this but I can't aim a hammer for squat."
    24. "Gun, I’ve got a gun... how the heck did that get there?"
    25. Because grenades cause too much collateral damage.
    26. "I'm too old to run and these are my good pants."
    27. "Ever tried beating people to death with a cop? I'm waaaaaay to old for all that."
    28. "It's a lot easier to kick idiots after you've shot them a couple times."
    29. "When I get tired of stupid questions people pay a lot more attention than they do with out the gun."
    30. "Because I'm too lazy to throw the bullets myself."
    31. "Because my dogs collar only lets him get 25 feet from the house..."
    32. It a conversation starter, see it's working already.
    33. All Americans carry guns, may I see your ID?
    34. My tank is in the shop.
    35. I think a better question is "Where is your gun?"
    36. Don't worry! There's no water in it.
    37. Because there is NO way I'm stuffing a cop into these pants!
    38. My old grandpa said to me son, there comes a time in every man’s life when he stops busting knuckles and starts busting caps and usually it's when he becomes too old to take an ass whooping!
    39. Personally, I carry a gun because I'm too young to die and too old to take an ass whooping!
    40. No one who was ever in a firefight has ever complained of having TOO MUCH ammunition.
    41. Keep shooting. Weigh them down with lead. Ammunition is cheap, life isn’t.
    42. Police Protection is an oxymoron. Free citizens must protect themselves. Police do not protect you from crime, they usually just investigate the crime after it happens and then call someone in to clean up the mess.
    43. Because I refuse to be a victim and I'm too lazy to push daisies.
    44. The old sheriff was attending an awards dinner when a lady commented on his wearing his sidearm. "Sheriff, I see you have your pistol. Are you expecting trouble?" "NO Ma'am. If I were expecting trouble, I would have brought my rifle."
    45. A reporter did a human interest piece on the Texas Rangers. The reporter recognized the Colt Model 1911 the Ranger was carrying and asked him, "Why do you carry a .45?"
    The Ranger responded with, "Because they don't make a. .46."
    46. Because baseball bats are uncivilized, swords are messy, and people look at you funny when you carry either one to Wal-Mart.
    47. Because pointing my finger & yelling "bang… bang" is not very effective!!!
    48. I kept tripping over my sword.
    49. I carry so that bad things will happen to bad people.
    50. The muzzle of a gun pretty much says, “Go Away” in every language.
    51. Because it won’t carry me.

    PARTING NOTE: An unloaded gun is just a club!
    Steve
    An armed society is a polite society

  4. #3
    Member Array jamesmrj's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Location
    College Station, Texas
    Posts
    31
    I like it!
    The reward for work well done is more work.

  5. #4
    mkh
    mkh is offline
    Distinguished Member Array mkh's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    Foxhole somewhere in Jacksonville
    Posts
    1,603
    The first rule of a gun fight is be somewhere else.
    RemMod597 likes this.

  6. #5
    mkh
    mkh is offline
    Distinguished Member Array mkh's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    Foxhole somewhere in Jacksonville
    Posts
    1,603
    First rule of a gunfight is be somewhere else.
    shooterX and Inspector71 like this.

  7. #6
    Senior Member Array CowboyColby's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Location
    COLORADO AMERICAN
    Posts
    715
    Thats funny

  8. #7
    Senior Member Array Lotus222's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Location
    US
    Posts
    1,131
    First rule of gunfight is... There is no gunfight.

    Second rule of gunfight is...

    There is no gunfight.

  9. #8
    Member Array Nathanimal's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2011
    Location
    Wyoming
    Posts
    53
    Wall of text scores a critical hit on my brain for over 9000 damage!
    Bark'n likes this.

  10. #9
    Distinguished Member Array 21bubba's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Location
    ky.
    Posts
    1,890
    You should write a book.

  11. #10
    Distinguished Member Array 21bubba's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Location
    ky.
    Posts
    1,890
    Really, write a book. I really think you have a talent.
    Inspector71 likes this.

  12. #11
    Ex Member Array apvbguy's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2011
    Location
    NE FL
    Posts
    1,076
    in all seriousness the only true rule in the real world is that there are no rules, he who hits his opponent first usually wins.
    train more and enhance your odds of being the winner

  13. #12
    VIP Member Array paaiyan's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Location
    Oklahoma
    Posts
    2,071
    No talent other than copy/paste. Did you seriously come to a gun forum with almost 50,000 members and post almost the same thread THREE TIMES thinking we haven't seen these before?
    My blog

    WARNING: This post may contain material offensive to those who lack wit, humor, common sense and/or supporting factual or anecdotal evidence. All statements and assertions contained herein may be subject to literary devices not limited to: irony, metaphor, allusion and dripping sarcasm.

  14. #13
    VIP Member Array paaiyan's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Location
    Oklahoma
    Posts
    2,071
    Quote Originally Posted by 21bubba View Post
    You should write a book.
    Or an original post...
    Stubborn and atctimmy like this.
    My blog

    WARNING: This post may contain material offensive to those who lack wit, humor, common sense and/or supporting factual or anecdotal evidence. All statements and assertions contained herein may be subject to literary devices not limited to: irony, metaphor, allusion and dripping sarcasm.

  15. #14
    Distinguished Member Array bigmacque's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Location
    Florida
    Posts
    1,770
    I liked it, I thought it was a good read.
    I'm in favor of gun control -- I think every citizen should have control of a gun.
    1 Thess. 5:16-18

  16. #15
    Senior Member Array Inspector71's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Location
    Tennessee
    Posts
    981
    Quote Originally Posted by bigmacque View Post
    I liked it, I thought it was a good read.
    There's two more just like it! Enjoy
    If you can read this, thank a teacher. Because it's in English, thank a vet

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Links

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  

Search tags for this page

31 rules of gunfighting

,
defensive gun gighting
,

first rule of gunfighting

,
gunfight overkill
,
i can't take an ass whooping so i own a gun
,
i carry a .45 because shooting someone twice doesn't make any sense.
,
i carry a gun because i'm too old to fight
,
rangers rules always carry anything starting with 4
,

rules for gunfighting

,

rules of gunfighting

,
saying too old to fight, to old to run, just shoot
,

too old to fight, too slow to run but i can still shoot pretty damn good! bumper sticker

Click on a term to search for related topics.