a couple of jokes

This is a discussion on a couple of jokes within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; Joke 1 A crusty old Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of ...

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Thread: a couple of jokes

  1. #1
    Member Array RdRaceWannabe's Avatar
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    a couple of jokes

    Joke 1
    A crusty old Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely young, idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation. She said, "Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is something bothering you?"

    "Negative, ma'am," the Sergeant Major said, "Just serious by nature." "The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, "It looks like you have seen a lot of action." The Sergeant Major's short reply was, "Yes, ma'am, a lot of action." The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, "You know, you should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself." The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner.

    Finally the young lady said, "You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?" The Sergeant Major looked at her and replied, "1955." She said, "Well, there you are. You really need to chill out and quit taking everything so seriously! I mean, no sex since 1955! She took his hand and led him to a private room where she proceeded to "relax" him several times.

    Afterwards, and panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest and said, "Wow, you sure didn't forget much since 1955!" The Sergeant Major, glancing at his watch, said in his matter-of-fact voice, "I hope not, it's only 2130 now."

    Joke 2
    Proudly showing off his new apartment to a couple of his friends late one night the drunk led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong.

    "What's that big brass gong for?" one of the guests asked. "It's not a gong. It's a talking clock" the drunk replied. A talking clock? Seriously?" asked his astonished friend. "Yup" replied the drunk. "How's it work?" the second guest asked, squinting at it.

    "Watch" the man said. He picked up a hammer, gave it an ear shattering pound and stepped back. The three stood looking at one another for a moment. Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed "HEY A**HOLE....IT'S TEN PAST THREE IN THE MORNING!"
    People should not be afraid of their governments. Governments should be afraid of their people.

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  3. #2
    VIP Member Array Bud White's Avatar
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    Seen the first one before and its great .. second one is new to me and funny as all get out

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    Distinguished Member Array Dakotaranger's Avatar
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    "[T]he people are not to be disarmed of their weapons.
    They are left in full possession of them."

    Zacharia Johnson (speech in the Virginia Ratifying Convention,25 June 1778)"The best we can hope for concerning the people at large is that they be properly armed." ~Alexander Hamilton

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    VIP Member Array PatrioticRick's Avatar
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    I posted the first one awhile ago, but I liked the second one.
    Μολὼν λαβέ

    USN 78-82/USAF 82-93 Medically Retired
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    Member Array Freedz's Avatar
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    I never heard either, both hilarious!

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    What Bud said!
    Rick

    EOD - Initial success or total failure

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    Backwords from what Bud said... funny stuff.
    eschew obfuscation

    The only thing that stops bad guys with guns is good guys with guns. SgtD

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    VIP Member Array Old Chief's Avatar
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    I have heard the first one but it still is good. Talking clock, you say?

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    #2 Roflmao
    Curry

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