Never say to a cop...
This is a discussion on Never say to a cop... within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; Got these from one of my many LE friends so by no means is this intended to offend LE or anyone, I found it humorous...
August 6th, 2006 04:40 AM
Never say to a cop...
Got these from one of my many LE friends so by no means is this intended to offend LE or anyone, I found it humorous...
>THINGS TO NEVER SAY TO A COP>
1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.
2. Sorry officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
3. Aren't you the guy from the Village People band?
4. Hey, you must have been doing 125 to keep up with me. Good job.
5. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical shape to be a
6. I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.
7. Bad cop, no donut.
8. You're not going to check the trunk are you?
9. Gee, that gut sure doesn't inspire confidence.
10. Didn't I see you get your butt kicked on COPS?
11. Wow, you look just like the guy in the picture on my girlfriend's
12. Is it true that people become cops because they're too dumb to work at McDonalds?
13. I pay your salary.
14. So uh, you on the take or what?
15. Gee officer, that's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning.
16. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us knows.
17. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around, that's how far ahead they are.
18. What do you mean, "Have I been drinking?" YOU'RE the trained
19. Well officer, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off of my lap and got lodged between the brake and the gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control.
20. Hey, is that a 9 mm? That's nothing compared to this 44 magnum.
21. Hey, can you give me another one of those full cavity searches?
22. No, YOU assume the position.
23. I'm surprised you stopped me, Dunkin Donuts is having a 3 for 1
24. If I bend over, will I still get a ticket?
25. No, offi, offic,lucifer...I'm not as think you are drunk I am. I swear
26. No, I don't know how fast I was going. The little needle stops at 110 mph.
27. Back off Barney, I've got a piece.
28. But officer, I've got 2 different drivers licenses from 2 different
states! Pick ONE!
29. I know I was weaving, but I was trying to hit all the little green men!
30. On the way to the station, let's get a six pack, oh and don't forget the cig's.
31. Come on, write the stupid ticket, the bars close in 20 minutes!
32. Hey, wasn't your daughter a porn queen?
33. How long is this going to take? Your wife is expecting me.
34. So that's what those yellow flashing lights in the school zone mean.
35. What do you use those rubber gloves for anyway?
August 6th, 2006 10:30 AM
August 6th, 2006 01:47 PM
Ask for trouble and you shall receive!
August 6th, 2006 02:03 PM
Funny - fantastic & lots of new ones in there!
August 6th, 2006 02:50 PM
did you hear about the one where the cop stops a speeder and says "I've been waiting for you all day" and the speeder says "Well, I got here as fast as I could..." Yeah he only got a warning.
August 6th, 2006 04:42 PM
Ocifer, ocifer, the reason I'm driving so fast is because I'm drunk. Blotto, completely wiped out and I gotta get home before I hurt somebody!
If you stand up and be counted, from time to time you may get yourself knocked down. But remember this: A man flattened by an opponent can get up again. A man flattened by conformity stays down for good. ~ Thomas J. Watson, Jr.
August 6th, 2006 05:22 PM
that was some good laughing!
August 7th, 2006 06:58 PM
I had a sheriff who was looking for a second job, apply at work last night. He seemes like he has a good sence of humor. Im might have to remember some these quotes, after I work with him for a bit.