Before & After Marriage

Before & After Marriage

This is a discussion on Before & After Marriage within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; Before Marriage: He: Yes. At last, it was so hard to wait. She: Do you want me to leave? He: NO! Don’t even think about ...

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Thread: Before & After Marriage

  1. #1
    VIP Member Array 357and40's Avatar
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    Before & After Marriage

    Before Marriage:

    He: Yes. At last, it was so hard to wait.
    She: Do you want me to leave?
    He: NO! Don’t even think about it.
    She: Do you love me?
    He: Of course! Over and over!
    She: Have you ever cheated on me?
    He: NO! Why are you even asking?
    She: Will you kiss me?
    He: Every chance I get!
    She: Will you hit me?
    He: Are you crazy! I’m not that kind of person!
    She: Can I trust you?
    He: Yes.
    She: Darling!

    After Marriage:

    Read from the bottom back to the top.
    "I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched c-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhäuser Gate. All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain."
    - Roy Batty


  2. #2
    VIP Member Array Hiram25's Avatar
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    It's a shame, but there are a lot of marriages that wind up that way!
    Hiram25
    You can educate ignorance, you can't fix stupid
    Retired DE Trooper, SA XD40 SC, S&W 2" Airweight
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    Distinguished Member Array INccwchris's Avatar
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    Before Marriage, Honey i had a rough day at the office, can you get me a beer
    Wife: sure honey ill be right back and you can tell me all about it

    After: Husband, Honey I had such a rough day at work
    Wife: DO YOU EVEN CARE ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED AT THIS HOUSE TODAY WHILE YOU WERE AT YOUR "JOB"?!?Q
    "The value you put on the lost will be determined by the sacrifice you are willing to make to seek them until they are found."

  4. #4
    VIP Member Array 357and40's Avatar
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    sad part... my wife brought the joke home from work... we got a good laugh before I made her dinner... "Yes Dear..."
    "I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched c-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhäuser Gate. All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain."
    - Roy Batty

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    Member Array NIS350ZTT's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by 357and40 View Post
    sad part... my wife brought the joke home from work... we got a good laugh before I made her dinner... "Yes Dear..."
    Happy wife, happy life.

  6. #6
    VIP Member Array gottabkiddin's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by 357and40 View Post
    sad part... my wife brought the joke home from work... we got a good laugh before I made her dinner... "Yes Dear..."
    Yeah, I know the feeling... I usually do the cooking during the week because I get home before she does, but IMO I'm a better cook.





    The Microwave has destroyed my wife's ability to cook a tasty meal.
    "He that hath no sword, let him sell his garment, and buy one." – Luke 22:36

    "If a law is unjust, a man is not only right to disobey it, he is obligated to do so." – Thomas Jefferson

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    Member Array tqu9047's Avatar
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    That was great!!!

    Tim

  8. #8
    Member Array Justified's Avatar
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    Mmuahahahahahaha, I am getting married next St. Patty's day and I am dso emailing this to her right now! Thanks
    • We sleep safely in our beds because rough men stand ready in the night to visit violence on those who would harm us.
    - George Orwell Military

  9. #9
    Distinguished Member Array Stubborn's Avatar
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    I do ALL the cooking at our house, I call it self-defense.
    "The beauty of the Second Amendment is that it will not be needed until they try to take it".
    Thomas Jefferson

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  10. #10
    VIP Member Array joker1's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by gottabkiddin View Post
    Yeah, I know the feeling... I usually do the cooking during the week because I get home before she does, but IMO I'm a better cook.





    The Microwave has destroyed my wife's ability to cook a tasty meal.
    You may want to put the asbestos sheets on the bed for a while.
    NRA Life Member


    With great power comes great responsibility.-Stan Lee

  11. #11
    Distinguished Member Array RevolvingMag's Avatar
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    I'm getting married Saturday.

    When there is 'real' cooking done, I tend to be the one doing it. My fiancee is a decent cook, but she's a better baker than chef. Unfortunately, I tend to work until 8:30pm...
    "Rock and load, lock and roll... what's it matter? FIRE!!"

    "Gun control means hitting your target every time."

    Please take everything I say with at least one grain of salt- I am a very sarcastic person with a very dry sense of humor.

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    Quote Originally Posted by gottabkiddin View Post
    Yeah, I know the feeling... I usually do the cooking during the week because I get home before she does, but IMO I'm a better cook.
    The Microwave has destroyed my wife's ability to cook a tasty meal.
    If you ever tasted my wifes cooking, you'd understand why I do 99% of the cooking!!
    gottabkiddin likes this.
    Freedom doesn't come free. It is bought and paid for by the lives and blood of our men and women in uniform.

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    VIP Member Array dukalmighty's Avatar
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    Two things to a happy marriage,you can be right,or you can be happy
    NIS350ZTT likes this.
    "Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country,"
    --Mayor Marion Barry, Washington , DC .

  14. #14
    VIP Member Array Eagleks's Avatar
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    Seen that one from both directions.... decided to never take that trip again.

    Truth in humor.
    I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts. --- Will Rogers ---
    Chief Justice John Roberts : "I don't see how you can read Heller and not take away from it the notion that the Second Amendment...was extremely important to the framers in their view of what liberty meant."

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