RED SKELTON'S RECIPE
FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE
1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a
little beverage, good food and companionship.
She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.
2. We also sleep in separate beds.
Hers is in California , and mine is in Texas ..
3. I take my wife everywhere,
but she keeps finding her way back.
4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our
anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested the kitchen.
5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said "There are too many gadgets, and no place
to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair.
7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was. She told me, "In the lake."
8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.
9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?" The driver said, "No, jump in!".
10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.
11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was 'Always'.
12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.
13. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?" I said, "Dust!".
Can't you just hear him say all of these?
I love it. These were the good old days when humor didn't have to start with a four letter word. It was just clean and simple fun.
And he always ended his programs with the words,
"And May God Bless" with a big smile on his face.
Red Skelton is a true American classic who had some of the best humor.
I've used most of these with Mrs GB. :image035:
I remember watching him every week. Always liked his "Freddy the Freeloader" and Gertrude and Heathcliff" routines. They don't make comedians like him anymore.
I always liked his "Pledge of Allegiance"!
Here it is Red Skelton's Pledge of Allegiance - YouTube Beautifully done.
Originally Posted by Hiram25
nice...my wife just LOVES it when I tell jokes like this. (not really) She does have a great sense of humor though...Attachment 53964
yes she's about 7 months preggers in this! ha!