RED

This is a discussion on RED within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; RED SKELTON'S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE 1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and ...

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  1. #1
    Member Array KWAG's Avatar
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    RED

    RED SKELTON'S RECIPE
    FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE

    1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a
    little beverage, good food and companionship.
    She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.

    2. We also sleep in separate beds.
    Hers is in California , and mine is in Texas ..

    3. I take my wife everywhere,
    but she keeps finding her way back.

    4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our
    anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested the kitchen.

    5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

    6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said "There are too many gadgets, and no place
    to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair.

    7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was. She told me, "In the lake."

    8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.

    9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?" The driver said, "No, jump in!".

    10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.

    11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was 'Always'.

    12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.

    13. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?" I said, "Dust!".

    Can't you just hear him say all of these?

    I love it. These were the good old days when humor didn't have to start with a four letter word. It was just clean and simple fun.
    And he always ended his programs with the words,

    "And May God Bless" with a big smile on his face.
    GunnyBunny likes this.

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  3. #2
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    Ha ha...Dust. Funny.
    Mark Twain:
    The government is merely a servant -- merely a temporary servant; it cannot be its prerogative to determine what is right and what is wrong, and decide who is a
    patriot and who isn't. Its function is to obey orders, not originate them.

  4. #3
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    Red Skelton is a true American classic who had some of the best humor.
    When you have to shoot, shoot. Don't talk.
    "Don't forget, incoming fire has the right of way."

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    Timeless!!

    I've used most of these with Mrs GB.
    CCW permit holder for Idaho, Utah, Pennsylvania, Maine and New Hampshire. I can carry in your country but not my own.

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    I remember watching him every week. Always liked his "Freddy the Freeloader" and Gertrude and Heathcliff" routines. They don't make comedians like him anymore.
    surefire7 likes this.
    Freedom doesn't come free. It is bought and paid for by the lives and blood of our men and women in uniform.

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    VIP Member Array Hiram25's Avatar
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    I always liked his "Pledge of Allegiance"!
    Hiram25
    You can educate ignorance, you can't fix stupid
    Retired DE Trooper, SA XD40 SC, S&W 2" Airweight
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hiram25 View Post
    I always liked his "Pledge of Allegiance"!
    Here it is Red Skelton's Pledge of Allegiance - YouTube Beautifully done.
    When you have to shoot, shoot. Don't talk.
    "Don't forget, incoming fire has the right of way."

  9. #8
    Ex Member Array Doodle's Avatar
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    nice...my wife just LOVES it when I tell jokes like this. (not really) She does have a great sense of humor though...bf p and itc.JPG



    yes she's about 7 months preggers in this! ha!

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