RED

This is a discussion on RED within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; RED SKELTON'S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE 1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and ...

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Thread: RED

  1. October 22nd, 2011 08:09 PM #1
    KWAG [OP]
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    RED

    RED SKELTON'S RECIPE
    FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE

    1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a
    little beverage, good food and companionship.
    She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.

    2. We also sleep in separate beds.
    Hers is in California , and mine is in Texas ..

    3. I take my wife everywhere,
    but she keeps finding her way back.

    4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our
    anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested the kitchen.

    5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

    6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said "There are too many gadgets, and no place
    to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair.

    7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was. She told me, "In the lake."

    8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.

    9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?" The driver said, "No, jump in!".

    10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.

    11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was 'Always'.

    12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.

    13. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?" I said, "Dust!".

    Can't you just hear him say all of these?

    I love it. These were the good old days when humor didn't have to start with a four letter word. It was just clean and simple fun.
    And he always ended his programs with the words,

    "And May God Bless" with a big smile on his face.
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  2. October 22nd, 2011 08:09 PM Remove Ads
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  3. October 22nd, 2011 08:31 PM #2
    atctimmy Contrib Icon
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    Ha ha...Dust. Funny.
    "I don't know who invented Yoga and I don't know who invented pants. But I do know that I'd like to shake the hand of the man who put those two ideas together."
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  4. October 22nd, 2011 09:04 PM #3
    msgt/ret Contrib Icon
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    Red Skelton is a true American classic who had some of the best humor.
    When you have to shoot, shoot. Don't talk.
    "Don't forget, incoming fire has the right of way."
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  5. October 22nd, 2011 09:35 PM #4
    GunnyBunny Contrib Icon
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    Timeless!!

    I've used most of these with Mrs GB.
    CCW permit holder for Idaho, Utah, Pennsylvania, Maine and New Hampshire. I can carry in your country but not my own.
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  6. October 22nd, 2011 09:38 PM #5
    archer51 Contrib Icon
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    I remember watching him every week. Always liked his "Freddy the Freeloader" and Gertrude and Heathcliff" routines. They don't make comedians like him anymore.
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  7. October 22nd, 2011 11:12 PM #6
    Hiram25
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    I always liked his "Pledge of Allegiance"!
    Hiram25
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  8. October 23rd, 2011 12:50 AM #7
    msgt/ret Contrib Icon
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hiram25 View Post
    I always liked his "Pledge of Allegiance"!
    Here it is Red Skelton's Pledge of Allegiance - YouTube Beautifully done.
    When you have to shoot, shoot. Don't talk.
    "Don't forget, incoming fire has the right of way."
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  9. October 23rd, 2011 08:44 AM #8
    Doodle
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    nice...my wife just LOVES it when I tell jokes like this. (not really) She does have a great sense of humor though...bf p and itc.JPG



    yes she's about 7 months preggers in this! ha!
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