This is a discussion on that girl within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; Originally Posted by barstoolguru is this the ann landers web site? No. Ann Landers is nice. I'm like the anti-Ann Landers. I'm a jerk. I ...
I disagree with the ultimatum stuff. She's already told you what she thinks of you. You're not even worthy of a pity rumble to her. When she calls, be nice, but let her know your life is too full for her grade-school antics. She may actually start to respect you for that.
...and to repeat what someone else posted: get away from the video games. I noticed you stated you "tried" to get into the Marines. I assume that means you didn't succeed. Don't keep trying to play Marine like a little boy via your game controller.
If you're old enough to carry a gun, you're old enough to live like a man. Stop playing little kid games trying to live a fantasy. If you have hours to urinate away in front of your TV or PC, you have time to better yourself. Go to the gym, start taking classes to finish your degree, get an outdoor hobby, and get a better job. These activities will help you meet women who may want to do more than call you for cab service.
Also, by bettering yourself at this age, when you do find that special someone, you'll be able to live a good lifestyle away from crime and poverty. The ladies like a guy with plenty of Vitamin $ (as my wife calls it). You ever notice that? Sarah and Liz are hanging out with guys with good jobs and likely, fat bank accounts. They likely have nice cars and places to live. You want that? Go get it! You just have to get off your keester, walk away from the kiddie games, and go live like a man.
You did ask for advice, didn't you?
Just to add to what others have said, I too have had "that one" in my life only not the way you have. I let mine slip away because of stupid ego and lived to regret it. My "moments" with her stayed in the past and pretty much stopped right there. It seems that you too are stuck in the past. Don't be, it's not worth the trouble.
Well, it isn't the past, it is the present and for whatever reasons, you two are not going to be a couple. After my ex and I officially devorced, I caught up with my "gal" a few years ago and things had changed so much that I barely recognized her.When I tried to rekindle the relationship as it had been, it ended up me and her not speaking to each other. Thankfully she lives in another state hours away and unlike your situation she doesn't call or contact me.
I moved on as life does. Sounds like you may need to do that as well. While I was hurt and angry over losing "that girl" I eventually met and married the most wonderful woman. Trust me, she is out there. One who will be not only a lover physically, but one emotionally as well. One who will be a partner, not just a warm body you think you love.
I still care about my "gal" in the past, but I know that there will never be a relationship and I have come to terms with it. I know you still care about yours, but it's time to go on and live your life and not plan it around something that will never be.
"A Smith & Wesson always beats 4 aces!"
The Man Prayer. "Im a man, I can change, if I have to.....I guess!" ~ Red Green
"Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups"
Chris, the simple answer is that you have low self esteem. Your lack of self esteem is causing you to be hung up on a girl that doesn't love you. She is using you and you need to cut her loose. A few polite rejections on your part would let her know that you are not a pushover.
The reality of the thing is that it is much, much more difficult to look at yourself as the problem and not the girl. But Chris, YOU ARE THE PROBLEM. You let her use you. You answer her calls. You are always ready and waiting to say yes.
You need to decide whether you are a man or a mouse. Once you decide to be a man then you need to act like a man. This isn't going to be easy and it may hurt a bit to say no when she calls. But you gotta do it. Being a man means doing the RIGHT thing, not the easy thing or the thing that makes you feel good or safe.
Don't know how to be a man? Don't feel bad, it's something everyone needs to learn. Some men have great dads that teach them but in our society most don't. To learn to be a man you need a role model. Find an older guy with a healthy marriage and well behaved kids and start by asking him how he got there.
In the end being a man means being responsible. It means being responsible for yourself and the ones you care about. Being a man means that you will carry the burdens of others from time to time but it doesn't mean that you should be used and discarded like a cheap taxi service.
It's time to man up and grow up my friend. Good luck because it's not always easy but it is very rewarding when you get there.
ETA: Chris the self esteem thing will come with time. When you do the right thing (and not the easy thing) you will be able to look back on it after the fact and know you did it right. This will give you a warm fuzzy inside and that warm fuzzy is the birth of self esteem. Do the right thing enough times and that warm fuzzy inside will grow into full blown self confidence.
Remember my friend that life is a marathon, not a sprint and the "manning up" process will take time. You will have lots of setbacks too. Just remember to keep fighting, that's what men do. Good luck.
I will pass along from my great uncle Benny. I quote " One female pubic hair is stronger than 10 oxen."
My ex-girlfriend introduced me to my wife. As much as we enjoyed the time together (GF and I) we were not meant to be together. She felt that I would get along with Mrs. HKinNY and after 20 years of being together. I guess her was right.
You want to know how she feels, start acting intrested in one of her girlfriends. You will watch the fangs and claws come out.
I always say. In life you will meet a lot of acquaintances but very few friends. Think about if the same people who call you would come out if you called them. That is how I guage friendship.
Let me tell you a slightly off topic story. Dec 18th 1987 I got a brand new Dadge Ramcharger. Dec 31th in high school parking lot freshly plow mounds of snow. I jump the snow mounts and got stuck. Really stuck. So I need to dig the truck out. People who I thought were my friends stood there and just watched and laughed and kids that I was not friends with helped me dig out my truck.
That night I got rid of a bunch of "friends" .
Now I keep a mental note of the people (male or female) who call when they need something vs calling as friend. Two help calls in a row and they are done. To old for BS and drama.
Last edited by HKinNY; December 23rd, 2011 at 12:57 PM.
I feel a little sick to my stomach that I got a "Like" from MadMac. Maybe I should delete the whole thing. : )
I think we ought to make Dr. Lima's post a sticky.
ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒΕ: Buy These Stickers Here
"He went on two legs, wore clothes and was a human being, but nevertheless he was in reality a wolf of the Steppes. He had learned a good deal . . . and was a fairly clever fellow. What he had not learned, however, was this: to find contentment in himself and his own life. The cause of this apparently was that at the bottom of his heart he knew all the time (or thought he knew) that he was in reality not a man, but a wolf of the Steppes."
No offense MadMac, but generally, we don't agree
Another nugget of wisdom for you Chris, until you realize your flaws that cause this, and get over this situation, it will destroy any hope you have at a normal, healthy relationship.
Fortes Fortuna Juvat
Former, USMC 0311, OIF/OEF vet
NRA Pistol/Rifle/Shotgun/Reloading Instructor, RSO, Ohio CHL Instructor
MadMac hit the nail right square on the head and gave it to you like a Marine Drill Instructor.
Limatunes made it more palatable, for your feelings.
Semper Fi Mac.
"The gun is the great equalizer... For it is the gun, that allows the meek to repel the monsters; Whom are bigger, stronger and without conscience, prey on those who without one, would surely perish."
'Clinging to my guns and religion
One other thing Chris. Many, many men find self esteem in the weight room. If you aren't happy with the man in the mirror then losing 25lbs of fat and gaining 10lbs of muscle will change how people see you and how you see yourself. Chicks dig muscles and a flat stomach. Employers will see you differently as well. Looking the part isn't the core of the issue because it truly is what's inside that counts BUT looking the part never hurts. (That's what's called the total package. When the inside and the outside look good.)
Now don't over do it and become a one track mind muscle head. There is more to life than a weight room, but for you, I suspect it will be a good place to start.
Last edited by atctimmy; December 23rd, 2011 at 02:00 PM.
I don't believe the answer is low self-esteem. I had a lost connection with a HS crush, and many years later managed to resolve it. It was the mysterious circumstances, then inapplicability of the whole thing that had me ruminating about it. Once I learned what happened, it resolved. So it's the mystery, the conundrum which is keeping your feelings in stasis, imo.