December 23rd, 2011 02:36 PM
[QUOTE=atctimmy;2111884]One other thing Chris. Many, many men find self esteem in the weight room. If you aren't happy with the man in the mirror then losing 25lbs of fat and gaining 10lbs of muscle will change how people see you and how you see yourself. Chicks dig muscles and a flat stomach. Employers will see you differently as well. Looking the part isn't the core of the issue because it truly is what's inside that counts BUT looking the part never hurts. (That's what's called the total package. When the inside and the outside look good.)
ATC you are not 100 percent wrong but:
(Either this is going over well or a PM from the mods).
There is a Horse and a Chicken who live on a farm. They are the best of friends, they do everything together, Play catch, Play ball, Run thru the fields together, Well one day while running thru the fields the horse falls into a hole and he cannot get out. He tries and cannot do it so he yells to the chicken" Chicken go get the farmer!"
Chicken says I have a better idea, I will be right back. Chicken goes racing across the field and jumps into the farmers BMW starts it up, drops into gear, spins tires and takes off towards the hole. Spins the car 180 and backs up to the hole jumps out and opens the trunk grabs the jumper cables ties one end to the bumper of the car and tosses the horse the other end.
The Chicken tells the horse to bite onto the jumper cables and hold one. Chicken jumps back into the BMW, slowly places the car in gear and taps the gas ever so lightly and the car slowly pulls the horse out of the hole.
Chicken that was the best idea ever says the horse.
The next day the chicken and horse are once again running thru the fields. This time the chicken falls into the hole and cannot get out. Horse go get the BMW and jumper cables. Nah, I have a better idea. Start talking dirty to me. What? You hear me, Start talking dirty to me. The chicken starts talking dirty to the horse and the horse gets an erection. The horse walks over the hole and squats down and tells the chicken to hold onto his penis. What? Hold on. so the chicken holds on and the horse stands back up with the chicken holding on and walks forward of the hole. The chicken lets go and falls to the ground.
Horse that was better idea than the BMW.
Moral of the Story?........
You do not need fancy car like a BMW to pick up chicks if you are hung like a horse.
December 23rd, 2011 02:37 PM
Originally Posted by MadMac
Then these questions enter my head.
After 8 months, what does it say that she still has my number in her phone?
You are a sucker and they know they can call you for this, or that or another.
Something they wouldn't bother a boyfriend to do.
Why would she call me instead of her parents or trying to wake her boyfriend up?
Because you would go and do it, they would be embarrassed calling ma&dad: they don't want to appear immature in front of them.
Why am I third on the call list, it goes Brother, Boyfriend, Chris. Why am I third and not like 10th?
You should NOT even be #100.
Why now out of the eight months of not talking.
They were desperate.
Why did I act like a complete jerk, other than the fact that I opened the door for them?
You are mad @ yourself for bailing them out, as you know they are using you.
Why is it still bothering me?
Because you still have feelings for her.Get over her, and the easiest way for you to do that is to find someone else who will accept you, and WANT to be with you, on dates, Sitting @ home watching a movie, going target shooting, etc, etc, etc,
If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans.
Washington didn't use his freedom of speech to defeat the British, He shot them!
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it whether it exists or not, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedy." -- Ernest Benn
December 23rd, 2011 02:41 PM
Uncle Benny was wise enough to instill his wisdom to my uncles before passing away.
Originally Posted by Bark'n
December 23rd, 2011 02:51 PM
Speaking from similar experience...You are solidly, irrevocably in the FRIENDZONE. While she may feel safe with you she doesn't love you. There is nothing in the world that can be done to change that fact. People like this absolutely LOVE that you are willing to give them the kindness, consideration, and generally fall all over yourself for her. The reason being is twofold...1. It boosts her ego. Everyone likes to receive attention. and 2. It doesn't cost her anything. She has no feelings, emotions, or investment in the relationship whatsoever. Good luck, it will get better and she will start to look less like something you want and more like the bullet you were glad you dodged. :)
December 23rd, 2011 03:16 PM
Its real simple, you got played. I'll let you in on a secret too; the strippers at the club don't really like you either.
December 23rd, 2011 03:23 PM
However when she dosen't need something she avoids me like the plague.
You see the issue. You recognize the issue. Recognition is POWER. Power to change.
I like the remainder of the analysis. Good thinking.
December 23rd, 2011 03:26 PM
Reply is referenced 1-4.
Originally Posted by INccwchris
1) It's only confusing to you because you do not like where you stand. You have no standing with her...none. She is using you because she has control over you.
2) This is how she really feels about you. You are "like a plague" to her. (Sorry, I know this hurts) The sooner you bring this home and understand it , the better off you will be. I want to point out here that SHE IS NOT CONFUSED ABOUT YOU, she doesn't like you in a romantic way. She may like you as a friend but she KNOWS you love her and she knows you can never be just friends. Your feelings for her are like a big anchor around her neck. Every time she is near you she feels the weight of your adoration and she feels guilty about it. Therefore she avoids you like a plague.
If you weren't so hung up on her you two could possibly be frineds again at some time in the future. Some day, like Lima and her friend, you two might find some common ground. That is still years down the road though.
3) The fact that you work nights is a poor excuse. I work days, nights and midnights. I can still find time to get to the gym. There are plenty of gyms that open early and stay open until 9 or 10 PM. Find one and get in it. Men do, boys make excuses.
4) Yes, there is a problem with video games. They waste your time and wasted time means wasted life. Your young enough to not understand this fully but it still needs to be said. Someday you will look back and wish that you hadn't wasted all of those hours in front of the Xbox when you could have been doing XXXXXX.
Boys play video games Chris, men don't (unless it's with their kids). "When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things" <-- words to live by Chris.
Lastly, I'll comment on your decision to save and buy a house.....Good job. That is what a man would do. Once you get your own pad you'll be able to look back and think about how bad it stunk waiting for it and doing it right. You'll get a big warm fuzzy inside every time you stop to think about it. Saving up to buy your own home is definitely manly. Good job.
It is surely true that you can lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink. Nor can you make them grateful for your efforts.
December 23rd, 2011 03:29 PM
I really like you, man. I remember the day you joined the board. My advice is worth everything you paid for it: diddlysquat.
Originally Posted by INccwchris
I have a couple free minutes, so let me expand briefly on what you wrote.
I used to work full-time night shift as well at your age. If you work night shift, why would it need to be a 24-hour gym? If you work night shift, I assume you are off during the day. Sure you'll need 8-hours of sleep, but that leaves you plenty of discretionary time when you are not working. It's how you use that time that will define your future.
No gym nearby? - how about a decent pair of running shoes, and some pushups after your jog/run in front of the garage? Do I really have to spell all this out?
While living with mom, take advanatge and use your free time to enroll in college classes. I was stupid, got thrown out of college after one year, and had to spend two years as a manual laborer before I started to wise up. I didn't go back to college until my oldest was born. I was married, worked a full-time job, went to classes when I was off, and took care of my daughter while my wife went to school as well. Not only did I NOT have time for video games or TV (or going out to bars, or "hanging out"), for the first five years of marriage, our only TV was a 12" black and white POS with a wire hanger for an antenna.
We put each other through undergrad, graduate, and post-graduate. She's a medical physicist now and makes well into the six-figures consulting and teaching doctors.
Those people you refer to are stupid. Move in with friends = I have no career and will likely always be mooching off someone who's willing to work hard. I told my kids when they left, the door was now CLOSED - no moving back and dragging their personal problems into my peaceful home. Of course, I'm not a totally cruel bastage: we helped them get started on the right foot. My oldest is an attorney (it makes me sick thinking she may end up like MitchellCT ) My youngest started her own business out of high school and bought her first house when she was 19, and was driving around in a BMW 325i she paid for by the time she was 20. I am saying this to you the same way I told it to my own kids. ...and these were girls, for Pete's sake.
My job as a parent was to transform these beautiful girls into independent, resourceful adults who don't need me or their mother to survive and thrive.
Life is simply the sum of the decisions we make. Start making better decisions on how to invest your time.
December 23rd, 2011 03:31 PM
I gotta say man, its not a woman thing, this is a you thing. There is a line that divides the friend category from the tool category. You are not on the friend side of the line. It matters not one bit what you want from her or what you think about her. She is not interested in you other than using you when she can. That does not speak poorly for her, it speaks poorly for you that you let her, or anyone else for that matter, do that to you. Besides, if you still live at home, now is not the time to think seriously about women. You have some growing up to do.
Originally Posted by INccwchris
December 23rd, 2011 09:26 PM
Call a Waaaaaaaaaambulance.
December 23rd, 2011 10:45 PM
MadMac, I have been considering school for about two months now. I do work out three times a week, not very hard, but its a start. Quitting smoking helped and a mile jog in the afternoon when I wake up has been helping for my stair climbing ability as well. I have been considering a business degree. Not an MBA, but something I can fall back on if LE does not work out. Tommy, the Waaaambulance was already dispatched last night, they gave me a solid dose of reality with a boot up the ass injector then sent MadMac for a check up visit on the forum today and an additional boot if need be.
"The value you put on the lost will be determined by the sacrifice you are willing to make to seek them until they are found."
December 23rd, 2011 11:23 PM
That waaambulance comment was great.
I would assume everyone has been in this position once or twice. I have been in a similar boat a few times. Each has been handled differently.
Person #1 I stayed hung up on for a while and let it drag me down. Sounds closest to what you are currently describing. It sucked and I didn't get that there was plenty of other things going on out there. Was easy to get distracted by one cool person, and pretend something may happen when it never would. Asked her out twice got no twice. Eventually it sunk in and we parted ways to an extent. We still interact, and have mutual friends.
Person # 2 and #3 got the boot. Not in the nicest of fashion either.
I of course realized I shouldn't subject myself to torture as in the case of #1. Also, I shouldn't treat others as I did in case #2 and #3. Best thing that happened was learning to walk. If its not panning out move on.
One day I will man up as well. I still act like an idiot with my current girlfriend. I have no idea how she has managed to live with me for 2 years. Whatever though, just trying to shape up. I am finally realizing whatever she wants goes. I win the important battles. Like having a reloading setup in the living room, and half the closets devoted to a gun safe and accessories.
Is socom still good? I stopped at 3. Have since been playing battlefield 3.
Last edited by zeppelin03; December 24th, 2011 at 02:17 PM.
December 23rd, 2011 11:29 PM
I'm glad you're seeing that (most of) these are people who've enjoyed getting to know you, and therefore likely feel some sort of understanding/ownership/responsibility in sharing advice just as they would to their brother/friend/nephew/son/etc... I believe that you have skin that is thick enough to take it in the well-intended spirit that it is provided and will take it to heart. You really have received some tough, but very good advice. You've demonstrated a good-natured ability to roll with the punches on other threads, which also suggests a level of self-esteem that some here aren't giving you credit for. We don't know this girl, but have a decent understanding of you, and think you need to move on (which btw, 'moving on' should include a lot less time building up the comfy ass-print on that new chair ;-).
Originally Posted by INccwchris
Where my area of expertise is not the ninja-operator gun guru, I do have some demonstrated proficiency in the business world. In today's economic climate, I don't recommend spending time and money on an undergraduate degree in business as a back-up to your LEO career. Feel free to PM for for some free (you know what that is worth) advice.
'Clinging to my guns and religion
December 23rd, 2011 11:40 PM
Try this...Sell your X Box and all games. Reserve a room at one of those resort hotels with hot tub in room, horse back riding, ect. FORGET THE BAR SCENE BTW. Show her the brochure, sell yourself. Invite her for a weekend getaway, yeah and heck no she can't bring her friend! If she declines, you tried. Plenty of decent women out there still. Again don't look in bars,try...church. Best of luck. Merry Christmas! Yes, I'm an insomniac ....
December 23rd, 2011 11:44 PM
This is ridiculous. He clearly owns a PS3. In this case it is well worth keeping. It has a blueray player in it.
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