First, I moved this thread. It's not a defensive scenario.. it's Oprah in Dr Phil's clothing.
Second, I can advise in that I was "that girl" to a boy I grew up with. I even gave in in High School and agreed to be his girlfriend only because I felt so sorry for him. The moment I said "Yes" to him I regretted it because I knew I didn't care for him "THAT" way and that going out with him just because I felt sorry for him was not how relationships were supposed to work. He was a really great guy and there was nothing wrong with him and he would have gone to the moon and back for me but he just wasn't the guy for me and not what I needed or wanted.
As others have said, he was far more of a brotherly type than a boyfriend type and, yes, he was on the "Top three to call" if I were in trouble because I knew he'd be there for me. He would defend me. He would tell me what I needed to hear (not what I wanted) and he was a TRUE friend... still is. He would even be willing/able to chew me out when I did something stupid and I appreciated that honesty.
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Originally Posted by
INccwchris
Then these questions enter my head.
After 8 months, what does it say that she still has my number in her phone?
It says she either a) cares about you as a friend or b) wants to get a hold of you when when she needs you or c) that she can't find the "delete" button. Don't read too much into that. I still have phone numbers in my phone for people I haven't talked to in five years. It happens.
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Why would she call me instead of her parents or trying to wake her boyfriend up?
Because she probably knows that while she'll get a little scolding from you or maybe some attitude she won't get the enth degree like she would from her parents or any pressure from a boyfriend. You are Switzerland. You may have an opinion but in her mind you are neutral and that makes you safe.
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Why am I third on the call list, it goes Brother, Boyfriend, Chris. Why am I third and not like 10th?
See above..
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Why now out of the eight months of not talking.
Because she hasn't needed you in the previous eight months.
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Why did I act like a complete jerk, other than the fact that I opened the door for them?
Because you know where you stand with her.. you are "he's my friend" material and you always will be to the girl you've liked since birth. It stings and it ticks you off. AND you realize that after eight months she only called you because she needed you, not because she wanted to, and, like a love-sick puppy-dog you went and did her bidding. You feel you should be man enough to tell her to go pound sand but you care too much and that makes you pretty crabby.
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Why is it still bothering me?
See above.
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Any help you all could provide would be appriciated. This isn't exactly self defense, so mods feel free to move it if need be.
You missed a question: Why did you go to pick her up when you knew you shouldn't?
Answer: Because you still care for her and a small part of you hopes that if you jump through hoops for her (no matter how stupid or dangerous those hoops may be) she will eventually come around and realize she loves you too and the larger part of you realizes that all bull crap better served for romance novels and you're mad at yourself for letting your heart run away with not only your head but your body, too.
Several years after High School, after I was married and had a kid and everything.. this boy from High School came to see me and my family. All of us had a great time together and he was a great "uncle" to my son.
Later, when we were alone my husband said, "Man, I feel horrible. It's really got to hurt him to see you so happy with another man when he loved you for so long for all those years. I wonder what's going through his head."
Knowing my husband would never ask him, later, while I was driving him to the bus station to be on his way I decided to ask him how it felt to see me with JD and with a kid and how he got over his feelings.
He said he finally realized that despite how he felt we were far too different, had different standards of wants and needs and that contrary to the advice of pop music songs, love is not all you need. He never liked a lot of the stuff I did and had a much more "traditional" idea of marriage than I'd ever be comfortable with. We were great friends but would NEVER be good partners. I would always feel like I was letting him down or trapped by his ideals and he would always be afraid that one day I wouldn't be able to take the pressure any more and I'd be gone.
He said he realized that the best way to keep me was to keep me as a friend and to start looking for the woman he needed as a wife and leave the romantic ideals behind. He said seeing me with JD doesn't hurt any more because he sees how much more perfect our union is than a union between himself and I could have ever been.
A few years later he got married to a very lovely gal and we all went out together and it was so wonderful to see how he so so absolutely in love with her and how perfect she is for him.
You just have to realize where you stand and let go of whatever you think you had or could have and start looking and concentrating on what you need and what is good for you (personally, professionally, etc).
Yeah, it's easier said than done but it is possible.
Don't let yourself be a pawn to some gal.
There was a time when I would have abused the power I had over my friend. There were times I toyed with him and used him but I feel bad about that and have LONG AGO apologized for what I did and how I used him. He deserved so much more and always was and remains a true friend to me. I respect our friendship.
If she's willing to just use you when she needs you and not respect you as the friend and support you can truly be you need to cut ties with her. Eventually it might not just be "come pick me up from the bar" but something MUCH worse that could get you in a lot of trouble.
Doesn't mean you have to be a jerk but you could always offer to call her parents for her or a cab. A few times of doing just that and I guarantee she will stop calling you if her only goal is to use you (which, based on the limited evidence, is how I see it).
As stated above by others.... stop thinking with your heart. It will get you into a lot of trouble. Never let your emotions dictate what you do because MOST of the time it will get you into big trouble or very awkward situations. Let your head do your thinking and reasoning.
Eventually, one day, you're head and heart will agree on something and when that happens it's an AWESOME moment because it's when you get to have your cake and eat it too.
