What would Jesus DO?

This is a discussion on What would Jesus DO? within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables, and when he picked up a CD player to ...

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Thread: What would Jesus DO?

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    What would Jesus DO?

    A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables, and when he picked up a CD player to place in his sack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark saying,

    "Jesus is watching you."

    He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head, promised himself a vacation after the next big score, then clicked the light on and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard,

    "Jesus is watching you."

    Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot

    "Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot.

    "Yep," the parrot confessed, and then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you!"

    The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?"

    "Moses," replied the bird.

    "Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?

    "The same kind of people that would name a Pit Bull Jesus," replied the bird.
    "The pistol, learn it well, carry it always ..." ~ Jeff Cooper

    "Diligentia Vis Celeritas"

    "There is very little new, and the forgotten is constantly being rediscovered."
    ~ Tiger McKee

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    My best laugh of the day!

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    I would rather stand against the cannons of the wicked than against the prayers of the righteous.


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    Excellent...thanks!!

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    JD
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    lmao

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    Distinguished Member Array Dakotaranger's Avatar
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    "[T]he people are not to be disarmed of their weapons.
    They are left in full possession of them."

    Zacharia Johnson (speech in the Virginia Ratifying Convention,25 June 1778)"The best we can hope for concerning the people at large is that they be properly armed." ~Alexander Hamilton

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    Senior Member Array palmgopher's Avatar
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    Heard that before and love it =O)

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    That's the condensed version of one I heard awhile ago. Funny then and now.
    Rick

    EOD - Initial success or total failure

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    Member Array glockman31's Avatar
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    Now that was great!! Absolutly GREAT!
    Eric


    There were NO Guns used to take over the flights on 9-11, IT STILL HAPPENED

    Wake up Americans - GUN CONTROL - Means WE LOOSE

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    Member Array Sonic Misfit's Avatar
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    Brightened up my day at the office!

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    VIP Member Array Old Chief's Avatar
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    Oldie but goodie.
    One should never confuse good fortune with good training.
    Illegitimus Non Carborundum.
    In God we trust.

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    Member Array TonyB's Avatar
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    One of my favorite bumper stickers......

    "Jesus loves you.......everyone else thinks you're an a-hole."
    "Just because I'm paranoid,doesn't mean they're NOT after me...."

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    VIP Member Array Sheldon J's Avatar
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    some where Jesus said to "sell your belongings and buy a sword" the exact passage escapes me but the moral here is go buy a gun (todays version)
    "The sword dose not cause the murder, and the maker of the sword dose not bear sin" Rabbi Solomon ben Isaac 11th century

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    Distinguished Member Array USPnTX's Avatar
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    Too freakin' funny!!
    "Do not fear those who disagree with you; fear those that do and are too cowardly to admit it" - Napoleon

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    VIP Member Array artz's Avatar
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    Lol....

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