Children in church

This is a discussion on Children in church within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; Some of these are old, but some I have not heard yet. For those of you who work with kids or have some of your ...

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Thread: Children in church

  1. #1
    Distinguished Member Array 4my sons's Avatar
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    Children in church

    Some of these are old, but some I have not heard yet.



    For those of you who work with kids or have some of your own, you will
    enjoy.

    These are too cute
    ************************************************** ****
    Jesus' Dad's Name

    A Sunday school teacher asked her class, "What was Jesus' mother's
    name?"
    One child answered, "Mary."
    The teacher then asked, "Who knows what Jesus' father's name was?"
    A little kid said, "Verge."
    Confused, the teacher asked, "Where did you get that?"
    The kid said, "Well, you know, they are always talking about Verge
    n' Mary.''


    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    KIDS IN CHURCH

    Three-year-old Reese:
    "Our Father, Who does art in heaven,
    Harold is His name.
    Amen."

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    A little boy was overheard praying:
    "Lord, if you can't make me a better boy, don't worry about it.
    "I'm having a real good time like I am."

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    After the christening of his baby brother in church,
    Jason sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car.
    His father asked him three times what was wrong.
    Finally, the boy replied,
    "That preacher said he wanted us brought up in a
    Christian home, and I wanted to stay with you guys."
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    I had been teaching my three-year old daughter, Caitlin,
    the Lord's Prayer for several evenings at bedtime.
    She would repeat after me the lines from the prayer.
    Finally, she decided to go solo.
    I listened with pride as she carefully enunciated
    each word, right up to the end of the prayer:
    "Lead us not into temptation," she prayed,
    "but deliver us from E-mail.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    One particular four-year-old prayed,
    "And forgive us our trash baskets
    as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets."

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    A Sunday school teacher asked her children as they were on the
    way to church service,
    "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?"
    One bright little girl replied,
    "Because people are sleeping."

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Six-year-old Angie and her four-year-old brother, Joel,
    were sitting together in church.
    Joel giggled, sang, and talked out loud.
    Finally, his big sister had had enough.
    "You're not supposed to talk out loud in church."
    "Why? Who's going to stop me?" Joel asked.
    Angie pointed to the back of the church and said,
    "See those two men standing by the door?
    "They're hushers."

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin 5, and Ryan 3.
    The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake.
    Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson.
    "If Jesus were sitting here, He would say,
    'Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait.'"
    Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, "Ryan, you be
    Jesus!"
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    A father was at the beach with his children
    when the four-year-old son ran up to him,
    grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore
    where a seagull lay dead in the sand.
    "Daddy, what happened to him?" the son asked.
    "He died and went to Heaven," the Dad replied.
    The boy thought a moment and then said,
    "Did God throw him back down?"

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    A wife invited some people to dinner.
    At the table, she turned to their six-year-old daughter and said,

    "Would you like to say the blessing?"
    "I wouldn't know what to say," the girl replied.
    "Just say what you hear Mommy say," the wife answered.>
    The daughter bowed her head and said,
    "Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?"
    "fundamental principle of American law that a government and its agents are under no general duty to provide public services, such as police protection, to any individual citizen." [Warren v. District of Columbia,(D.C. Ct. of Ap., 1981)]
    If I have to explain it, you wouldn't understand

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    Distinguished Member Array p8riot's Avatar
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    My niece's husband has been in Iraq for almost a year, a few weekends ago my sister came to visit with my niece, and their two sons (aged 6 and 8). We took them to church and Sunday School, and the teacher (a good friend of mine) was asking what the kid's fathers did for a living?

    The 6 yr old piped up, "My Daddy's in Baghdad kicking Mohammed's ass."
    "You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone." - Al Capone

    The second amendment is the reset button of our Constitution.

  4. #3
    Distinguished Member Array 4my sons's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by p8riot View Post
    The 6 yr old piped up, "My Daddy's in Baghdad kicking Mohammed's ass."

    Right on,

    Do I smell bumper sticker potential.

    Hey, it beats that Honer roll crap.
    "fundamental principle of American law that a government and its agents are under no general duty to provide public services, such as police protection, to any individual citizen." [Warren v. District of Columbia,(D.C. Ct. of Ap., 1981)]
    If I have to explain it, you wouldn't understand

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