Tax Deadline Today; Time for Tax Jokes!

Tax Deadline Today; Time for Tax Jokes!

This is a discussion on Tax Deadline Today; Time for Tax Jokes! within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; A fool and his money are soon parted. The rest of us wait until income tax time. Today is the deadline to file or extend ...

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Thread: Tax Deadline Today; Time for Tax Jokes!

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    Exclamation Tax Deadline Today; Time for Tax Jokes!

    A fool and his money are soon parted. The rest of us wait until income tax time.
    Today is the deadline to file or extend your 2011 returns, and make your 2012 first quarter estimated tax payments if so needed.

    A professor of taxation delivers a highly detailed, brilliant lecture drawing the distinction between tax avoidance and tax evasion. He then asks his brightest student, “Tell us succinctly what the difference is between tax avoidance and tax evasion.” The student replies: “Jail”
    And here is one related to guns:

    Vice President Dick Cheney’s getting a tax refund of $1.9 million. How do you get a $1.9 million refund when your salary is $205,00 a year? How does that work?…Apparently, he’s writing off the guns and ammo as business expenses.
    Your favorite clean non-political tax jokes?


    The tyrant dies and his rule is over, the martyr dies and his rule begins. ― The Journals of Kierkegaard


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    The tyrant dies and his rule is over, the martyr dies and his rule begins. ― The Journals of Kierkegaard

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    The tyrant dies and his rule is over, the martyr dies and his rule begins. ― The Journals of Kierkegaard

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    Distinguished Member Array kapnketel's Avatar
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    The tax code is as clear as the infield fly rule.
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    I'd rather be lucky than good any day

    There's nothing that will change someone's moral outlook quicker than cash in large sums.

    Majority rule only works if you're also considering individual rights. Because you can't have five wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for supper.

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    Member Array kaboomkaboom's Avatar
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    Tax Jokes??...Our whole income tax code is a joke!

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    VIP Member Array goldshellback's Avatar
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    funny thing is the jokes on me................

    *sigh*
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    "Just getting a concealed carry permit means you haven't commited a crime yet. CCP holders commit crimes." Daniel Vice, senior attorney for the Brady Campaign to Prevent Gun Violence, quoted on Fox & Friends, 8 Jul, 2008

    (Sometimes) "a fight avioded is a fight won." ... claude clay

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    VIP Member Array JoJoGunn's Avatar
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    The simplified 1040 Form

    Name:________________________

    Address:_______________________

    Social Security Number :___-__-___

    How much income did you have in _______ tax year? Enter amount here :______________________

    SEND IT IN!!!!!
    "A Smith & Wesson always beats 4 aces!"

    The Man Prayer. "Im a man, I can change, if I have to.....I guess!" ~ Red Green

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    If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could only save one of
    them, would you:
    (1) go to lunch or
    (2) read the paper?
    I would rather die with good men than hide with cowards
    If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans.
    Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it whether it exists or not, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedy."

    M&Pc .357sig, 2340Sigpro .357sig

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    "How have you managed to buy such a luxurious villa while your income is so low?" asked the IRS auditor.
    "Well," the taxpayer answered, "while fishing last summer I have caught a large golden fish. When I took it off the hook, the fish opened his mouth and said, 'I am a magical fish. Throw me back to the sea and I'll give you the most luxurious villa you have ever seen'. I threw the fish back to the sea, and got the villa."
    "How can you prove such an unbelievable story?"
    "Well, you can see the villa, can't you?"


    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    I would rather die with good men than hide with cowards
    If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans.
    Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it whether it exists or not, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedy."

    M&Pc .357sig, 2340Sigpro .357sig

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    The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1000 bet: The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money. Many people had tried over time but nobody could do it.

    One day this scrawny little man came into the bar, wearing thick glasses and a polyester suit, and said in a tiny squeaky voice " I'd like to try the bet."

    After the laughter had died down, the bartender said OK, grabbed a lemon, and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the little man. The crowd's laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass.

    As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the $1000, and asked the little man "What do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a weight-lifter, or what?"

    The man replied, "I work for the IRS."


    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    I would rather die with good men than hide with cowards
    If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans.
    Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it whether it exists or not, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedy."

    M&Pc .357sig, 2340Sigpro .357sig

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    A little boy wanted $100 badly and prayed for two weeks but nothing happened. Then he decided to write a letter to the Lord requesting the $100.
    When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to the Lord, USA, they decided to send it to President Clinton. The President was so impressed, touched, and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $5.00 bill, as this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.

    The little boy was delighted with the $5.00, and sat down to write a thank-you note to the Lord. It said:


    Dear Lord,
    Thank you very much for sending me the money. However, I noticed that for some reason you had to send it through Washington, DC and as usual, those jerks deducted $95.
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    I would rather die with good men than hide with cowards
    If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans.
    Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it whether it exists or not, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedy."

    M&Pc .357sig, 2340Sigpro .357sig

  12. #12
    VIP Member
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    I always address my tax returns to the Eternal Revenue Service.
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    When you have to shoot, shoot. Don't talk.
    "Don't forget, incoming fire has the right of way."

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    A taxpayer went to a tax expert and said: "If I give you $1,000, will you answer two questions?"

    The expert replied: "Certainly. And what is the other question?"
    oneshot and JoJoGunn like this.


    The tyrant dies and his rule is over, the martyr dies and his rule begins. ― The Journals of Kierkegaard

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    Moderator
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    "The only difference between death and taxes is that death doesn't get worse and worse every time Congress meets." -- Will Rogers
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    The tyrant dies and his rule is over, the martyr dies and his rule begins. ― The Journals of Kierkegaard

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    Distinguished Member Array tiwee's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by kapnketel View Post
    The tax code is as clear as the infield fly rule.
    You're out. Can't you see we're loaded.
    Rock and Glock likes this.

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