One for the Guys

This is a discussion on One for the Guys within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; Okay, I posted one for the Ladies the other day, Now it's our turn. Not wanting to start a war, but both side should be ...

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Thread: One for the Guys

  1. #1
    Distinguished Member Array 4my sons's Avatar
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    One for the Guys

    Okay, I posted one for the Ladies the other day, Now it's our turn.

    Not wanting to start a war, but both side should be heard, Right?

    edited to add,
    I didn't come up with these, it came in an e-mail. I think we can all agree, been there, done that.



    these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!



    1. Men ARE not mind readers.

    1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
    You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
    We need it up, you need it down.
    You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

    1. Sunday sports It's like the full moon
    or the changing of the tides.
    Let it be.

    1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
    And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

    1. Crying is blackmail.

    1. Ask for what you want.
    Let us be clear on this one:
    Subtle hints do not work!
    Strong hints do not work!
    Obvious hints do not work!
    Just say it!

    1. Yes and No are perfectly Acceptable answers to almost every question.

    1. Come to us with a problem only If you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

    1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

    1. Anything we said 6 months ag o is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

    1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys.

    1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
    Don't ask us.

    1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one .

    1. You can either ask us to do something
    Or tell us how you want it done.
    Not both.
    If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

    1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

    1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

    1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not! A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

    1. If it itches, it will Be scratched.
    We do that.

    1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

    1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

    1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear Is fine...Really.

    1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.

    1. You have enough clothes.

    1. You have too many shoes.

    1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

    1. Thank you for reading this
    Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;

    "fundamental principle of American law that a government and its agents are under no general duty to provide public services, such as police protection, to any individual citizen." [Warren v. District of Columbia,(D.C. Ct. of Ap., 1981)]
    If I have to explain it, you wouldn't understand

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  3. #2
    VIP Member Array Sheldon J's Avatar
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    I LOVE IT!!! just wish I had that 30 years ago could have saved a lot of arguments!!!
    "The sword dose not cause the murder, and the maker of the sword dose not bear sin" Rabbi Solomon ben Isaac 11th century

  4. #3
    JD
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    Quote Originally Posted by 4my son View Post
    1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys.
    1. You can either ask us to do something
    Or tell us how you want it done.
    Not both.
    If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

    1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

    1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.


    1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

    1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.
    :
    I love my new support group, thanks guys, the above are my favorites

  5. #4
    Member Array Pramunitus's Avatar
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    Yeah, I know I'm sleeping on the couch tonight. But honey, guys don't mind sleeping on the couch.

    It's like camping!

  6. #5
    Senior Member Array ssssthesnake's Avatar
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    trying to figure out how to read the whole list to my girlfreind with out getting a crying or pissed female half done with it

  7. #6
    Distinguished Member Array dimmak's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ssssthesnake View Post
    trying to figure out how to read the whole list to my girlfreind with out getting a crying or pissed female half done with it
    Wait till she's asleep....
    "Ray Nagin is a colossal disappointment" - NRA/ILA Executive Director Chris W. Cox.


    "...be water, my friend."

  8. #7
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    It's about time women understood us! This ought to be required reading!

  9. #8
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    My Wife Does Not...

    understand me...nor do I WANT her to understand me...that would only lead to many more questions!
    I'm happy with the way things are now! Good wife...great life!

    ret
    The last Blood Moon Tetrad for this millennium starts in April 2014 and ends in September 2015...according to NASA.

    ***********************************
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    NRA Life Member[/B]

  10. #9
    Senior Member Array gregarat's Avatar
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    It's about time women understood us! This ought to be required reading!
    I second that!
    Ya know, its just not fair that we live in a "sexist society"



    On the other hand, I have to hand it to Retsupt99!

    Retsupt99,
    Please, tell us. Whats your secret? Come on, dont be shy about it. Dont make me use "nasty interrogation techniques"! please!!!

  11. #10
    VIP Member Array MNBurl's Avatar
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    Very funny and true...
    MNBurl

    "If everyone is thinking alike, then somebody isn't thinking" - George S. Patton.

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