Top 10 Guns You’ll Find at the Neighborhood Liberal Gun Store
By Jim Pontillo
#10 TSA Interrogation Spray: Specially formulated by US Government (bootlegged into liberal gun stores) and applied to new recruits by TSA official managers to verify prospects have absolutely no common sense whatsoever.
#9 Fat Frank Interpreter: Shot at people thought of being dishonest. After exposure, anyone lying talks like they have marbles in their mouth, and they huff and puff a lot like they are about to have a heart attack.
#8 Schumer Shooter: Banned from New York by Michael Bloomberg, because it resembles a gun. Made of wood and feigns indignation anytime the trigger is pulled.
#7 Acme Pellet Competition Master: Barrels are rough and unrifled, aim at the target and pray. Designed to insure any kid can win a shooting event. The, the last thing we want is some snot nosed Marine Corpsman’s son taught to shoot by his Dad to win a competition because of superior skill.
#6 Pelosi Clinton Mini Derringer: Pull the trigger and this pocket pistol shrieks and cackles. No man can stand to be in the vicinity when this thing goes off.
#5 AR-15-666: When you pull the trigger the gun blows up, because anyone who owns an assault rifle deserves to die.
#4 Skeet Sand Blaster 1100: Venerable Remington 1100 fitted with special shells packed with sand instead of lead (because putting lead back into the environment it came out of is hazardous you know). Record Holder: Beatnik Jones, 60’s hippy and peace activist, only person to ever break 2 birds in a round. Rumor has it, however, he spiked his shells with BB’s.
#3 Ketchup Blaster Supreme: A squirt gun for mentally challenged PETA activists. Designed to hold a whole bottle of John Kerry’s favorite. Prominent at events where Americans are wearing real fur, never used in rugged places where real men wear pelts—those guys are tough, they’d beat the heck out of PETA member with a ketchup blaster.
#2 Super Soaker Politically Correct Edition: Some people complain the FMK 9C1 has too much engraving on it, you should see this thing: Warning: Use of this toy might result in electrocution if your kid plays with it while sticking his finger into a power outlet. Warning: Using this toy like a baseball bat instead of a squirt gun on your little brother could cause injury. Warning: Filling this toy with alcohol and drinking it all could cause poisoning. Warning: Use of this toy might convince your kids, guns are OK. Warning: Use of this toy around your sanctimonious, militant, uptight, leftwing in-laws could cause them to alienate your kids (so squirt them generously).
#1 Brown Streak 4000: In California, the “Brown Streak” is the affectionate name for Governor Jerry Brown’s high speed train debacle that is going to cost the state billions of dollars and won’t carry any riders. At the liberal gun store, it’s the only gun in stock that shoots real gun powder propelled bullets, a .22 short that makes liberals mess their pants when it goes “pop”.