How do you make a tissue dance?

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  1. #31
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    Array atctimmy's Avatar
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    What do you call a dog with no legs?


    Who cares he's not coming to you anyway.
    l1a1 likes this.
    Mark Twain:
    The government is merely a servant -- merely a temporary servant; it cannot be its prerogative to determine what is right and what is wrong, and decide who is a
    patriot and who isn't. Its function is to obey orders, not originate them.

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  3. #32
    VIP Member Array JoJoGunn's Avatar
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    Three guys were marooned on an uncharted island and walking down the beach. One of them discovered what looked like a bottle.

    He picked it up an as he brushed off the sand, the cork popped, smoke came out and there stood a full fledged Genie.

    "Thank you for freeing me from the bottle." said the Genie. "And for your kindness I will grant each one of you a wish."

    The guy who found the bottle said, "I miss my hometown where there are so many women, a guy could have a dozen or more. My wish is to go back home.
    ***POOF**** he was gone

    The second guy looked at the Genie and said, "Man am I hungry. Where I live there are so many places to eat, it's hard to pick one." My wish is to go back there.
    ***POOF*** he was gone.

    The third guy just stood there looking forlorne. He looked around and didn't see his other two companions. He was just alone with the Genie.

    "You know.......I really miss my two friends that went ***POOF***. I sure wish they were back here!"
    ***POOF***
    "A Smith & Wesson always beats 4 aces!"

    The Man Prayer. "Im a man, I can change, if I have to.....I guess!" ~ Red Green

  4. #33
    Senior Member Array sdprof's Avatar
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    (Not quite so juvenile as most in this thread, but here goes, get your groan ready.)

    An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Latvian, a Turk, a German, an Indian, several Americans (including a Southerner, a New Englander, and a Californian) an Argentinean, a Dane, an Australian, a Slovakian, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Moroccan, a Frenchman, a New Zealander, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Guatemalan, a Colombian, a Pakistani, a Malaysian, a Croatian, a Uzbek, a Cypriot, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Chinese, a Sri Lankan, a Lebanese, a Cayman Islander, a Ugandan, a Vietnamese, a Korean, a Uruguayan, a Czech, an Icelander, a Mexican, a Finn, a Honduran, a Panamanian, an Andorran, an Israeli, a Venezuelan, a Fijian, a Peruvian, an Estonian, a Brazilian, a Portuguese, a Liechtensteiner, a Mongolian, a Hungarian, a Canadian, a Moldovan, a Haitian, a Norfolk Islander, a Macedonian, a Bolivian, a Cook Islander, a Tajikistani, a Samoan, an Armenian, an Aruban, an Albanian, a Greenlander, a Micronesian, a Virgin Islander, a Georgian, a Bahaman, a Belarusian, a Cuban, a Tongan, a Cambodian, a Qatari, an Azerbaijani, a Romanian, a Chilean, a Kyrgyzstani, a Jamaican, a Filipino, a Ukrainian, a Dutchman, an Ecuadorian, a Costa Rican, a Swede, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek, a Belgian, a Singaporean, an Italian, a Norwegian and 47 Africans from different African countries all walk into a fine restaurant.


    The maître d' scrutinizes the group one by one, and bars their entrance saying, "Sorry, you can't come in here without a Thai."
    ~~~~~
    The only common sense gun legislation was written about 224 years ago.

    I carry always not because I go places trouble is likely, but because trouble has a habit of not staying in its assigned zone.

  5. #34
    VIP Member Array Crowman's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DMan View Post
    I see a like button, but were is the "dislike" or more appropiatly the "roll my eyes" button.
    <---- roll your eyes button
    "One of the greatest delusions in the world is the hope that the evils in this world are to be cured by legislation."
    --Thomas B. Reed, American Attorney

    Second Amendment -- Established December 15, 1791 and slowly eroded ever since What happened to "..... shall not be infringed."

  6. #35
    VIP Member Array Crowman's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by sdprof View Post

    "Sorry, you can't come in here without a Thai."
    Do they still make ties in Thailand???
    "One of the greatest delusions in the world is the hope that the evils in this world are to be cured by legislation."
    --Thomas B. Reed, American Attorney

    Second Amendment -- Established December 15, 1791 and slowly eroded ever since What happened to "..... shall not be infringed."

  7. #36
    Distinguished Member Array AZJD1968's Avatar
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    What do you call a man with no arms and no legs hanging on the wall????? Art.

    What do you call a woman with no legs, on the beach???? Sandy.

    What to you call a man with no arms and no legs in your mailbox????? Bill

    What do you call a man with no arms and no legs tied to the railroad tracks???? Screwed.
    Stop whining and go do something that makes a difference!
    If you think that I may be talking to you, then I am.

  8. #37
    Ex Member Array barstoolguru's Avatar
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    What do you call a man with no legs or arms in the surf ..... skip

  9. #38
    Ex Member Array barstoolguru's Avatar
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    A drunk goes into a bar. The bartender tosses him out as he is too drunk. The drunk walks back into the bar. Again, the bartender throws him out for being too drunk. Again the drunk walks into the bar. The bartender is just about the throw him out when the drunk looks at him and says, "How many bars do you own, anyway?"
    l1a1, msgt/ret and RETSUPT99 like this.

  10. #39
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    What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?
    It didn't say anything - just let out a little whine.
    QKShooter likes this.
    Americans understood the right of self-preservation as permitting a citizen to repel force by force
    when the intervention of society... may be too late to prevent an injury.
    -Blackstone’s Commentaries 145–146, n. 42 (1803) in District of Columbia v. Heller, 554 U.S. 570 (2008)

  11. #40
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    What do you call a girl with one leg shorter than the other? Ilene
    What do you call a guy in the ocean with no arms or legs? Bob
    The last Blood Moon Tetrad for this millennium starts in April 2014 and ends in September 2015...according to NASA.

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  12. #41
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    What do you call a guy in the ocean with no arms or legs?
    I'd call him fish bait. Or maybe Chum.
    Mark Twain:
    The government is merely a servant -- merely a temporary servant; it cannot be its prerogative to determine what is right and what is wrong, and decide who is a
    patriot and who isn't. Its function is to obey orders, not originate them.

  13. #42
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    A horse walks into a bar.

    The bartender says "Why the long face"?

  14. #43
    Distinguished Member Array claude clay's Avatar
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    man had a dog with no legs--named him cigarette
    once a day he'd hook up his leash and take him for a drag

    why was 6 afraid of 7?
    cause 7 8 9
    Be aware, be deliberate in your actions and be accurate.
    -------------------
    Why do those elected to positions of power than work so hard
    to deny those same opportunities to the same people who empowered them

  15. #44
    Member Array denver's Avatar
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    Why don't cannibals eat clowns?

    They taste funny!
    If you find yourself in a fair fight, your tactics suck.

  16. #45
    Distinguished Member Array BurgerBoy's Avatar
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    I've gota knock knock joke for you. Say knock knock
    Vietnam Veteran - 1966-1970 USASA
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    Give me a minute before I post again.

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