10 Commandments for your Daughter's Potential Boyfriends!

10 Commandments for your Daughter's Potential Boyfriends!

This is a discussion on 10 Commandments for your Daughter's Potential Boyfriends! within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; I. Thou shall understand that your presence doesn't make me happy. And know this: I've got a PI doing a background check on you at ...

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  1. #1
    VIP Member Array ExSoldier's Avatar
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    Exclamation 10 Commandments for your Daughter's Potential Boyfriends!

    I. Thou shall understand that your presence doesn't make me happy. And know this: I've got a PI doing a background check on you at this moment.

    II. Thou had better have a life. I have worked my butt off providing a good life for my daughter; therefore, you better have one, Spanky.

    III. Thou shall not touch my daughter. If you do, I'll smash your hands and your mommy will have to help you get your Justin Bieber haircut.

    IV. Thou shall look me in the eye and shake my hand like a man.And turn off your damn cell phone.

    V. Thou shall understand that you are a boy talking to a man. Do not gush around me or attempt to read me an entry from your journal. I'm not Oprah. I am a Neanderthal.

    VI. Thou shall know that our family is old school. Do not even think about approaching me with liberal, hippie, agnostic, atheistic, anti-American or tree-humping bull crap.

    VII. Thou shall know that I like cool and expensive gifts. You'd be shrewd to approach me like the three wise men did Baby Jesus, namely with gold, frankincense and myrrh.

    VIII. Thou shall understand that if you're dumb enough to tell me a dirty joke, I'm comfortable enough with kicking your ass.

    IX. Thou shall keep your word. If you say you're going to do something, then I expect you to do it.

    X. Thou shall memorize commandments I - IX. Yep, your best bet, home slice, is to both memorize and practice these commandments because I am Dad Almighty!
    Former Army Infantry Captain; 25 yrs as an NRA Certified Instructor; Avid practitioner of the martial art: KLIK-PAO.


  2. #2
    Distinguished Member Array Burns's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ExSoldier View Post
    VII. Thou shall know that I like cool and expensive gifts. You'd be shrewd to approach me like the three wise men did Baby Jesus, namely with gold, frankincense and myrrh.
    Best one :D
    Those who make peaceful revolution impossible will make violent revolution inevitable- JFK

  3. #3
    VIP Member Array ExSoldier's Avatar
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    Personally, I like #6 best. When my daughter was actually in high school and college that's the one I used most. Now she's 31. But there's another thread with a post about that. It got about 116 "LIKES."
    Former Army Infantry Captain; 25 yrs as an NRA Certified Instructor; Avid practitioner of the martial art: KLIK-PAO.

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    VIP Member Array Hiram25's Avatar
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    Hi son, we're going to have a cleaning party, sit right down and field strip the ten at that table, I'll take care of these over here!
    Hiram25
    You can educate ignorance, you can't fix stupid
    Retired DE Trooper, SA XD40 SC, S&W 2" Airweight
    dukalmighty & Pure Kustom Black Ops Pro "Trooper" Holsters, DE CCDW and LEOSA Permits, Vietnam Vet 68-69 Pleiku

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    Member Array Ionracas's Avatar
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    I dont have kids, not sure I ever will but this gave me the laugh I really needed today. Never realized I was a workaholic until I found myself home, sick and bored out of my mind.

    Thanks for sharing.

    By the way I would say IV is my favorate. Eye contact is important to me and a sloppy handshake just ****** me off.
    mprp likes this.
    "The thing about quotes on the internet is that you can not confirm their validity."
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    Ex Member Array 1911247's Avatar
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    i love it!.I have a separate version. Not a father yet....however i know how much of morons teenage boys are...i was one myself. and i use these rules on all the punks my 14 year old cousin hangs out with.

    1. Respect my daughter. Because i dont respect you....yet...and i have no problem hurting you.

    2. Have her home by 9pm. Its a small town, your car is a POS and i can track her cellphone.

    3. Dont touch my daughter. Our town is very flat, with little obstructions and the .338 round can reach out and touch you at over a mile. The move theater is only 1/2 a mile away. Ill be watching.

    4. Dont ever think im your friend, or i WANT to take you fishing. If i ever do so its to please my daughter, pleasing you is not in my manifest of things to do.

    5. WEAR A BELT. I will not allow your gangster wannabe, slang spitting, cussing disrespectful but in my house. If you act like a gentleman i will treat you as such.

    6. Remember that i outweigh you by at least 75 pounds. Try not to get smushed.

    7. anything you do to my daughter, i will do to you later :-)

    yep that sums it up

  7. #7
    VIP Member Array ExSoldier's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hiram25 View Post
    Hi son, we're going to have a cleaning party, sit right down and field strip the ten at that table, I'll take care of these over here!
    I like that one, but the boys around here got all their knowledge on firearms from Call of Duty 4!
    Ionracas likes this.
    Former Army Infantry Captain; 25 yrs as an NRA Certified Instructor; Avid practitioner of the martial art: KLIK-PAO.

  8. #8
    Ex Member Array 1911247's Avatar
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    I remember my ex's father haha. He knew nothing about me other than my name when i met him *last summer*. My ex and i went to his house, and he did the "lets have a chat" thing. Sat me down while he started cleaning his helwan 9mm.......about half way through haha he started looking at the slide oddly, and i said "you need to remove the rolled pin in the slide to remove the firing pin, like this" and plopped my Beretta 96D on the table and stripped it :-D..........if i could show you the look on his face :-p haha
    Burns, JoJoGunn and W9HDG like this.

  9. #9
    Distinguished Member Array Burns's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ionracas View Post
    By the way I would say IV is my favorate. Eye contact is important to me and a sloppy handshake just ****** me off.
    Eye contact is different for everyone, about half of people see it as respectful, other half see it as disrespectful, some people just find it uncomfortable, depending on how you were raised, personal opinion, and your culture. So that really makes no difference to me.

    A firm handshake is important to me also.
    Those who make peaceful revolution impossible will make violent revolution inevitable- JFK

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    Ex Member Array 1911247's Avatar
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    Dont you hate the guys that look tough, then you shake their hand and its a half hacked grip with the tips of fingers and thumb like their some kind of mid evil maiden crap...........ugh i have always disliked that.
    Ionracas and W9HDG like this.

  11. #11
    Member Array Ionracas's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ExSoldier View Post
    I like that one, but the boys around here got all their knowledge on firearms from Call of Duty 4!
    What are you talking about!? Thoes kids speak the truth. The P90 is a great sniper PDW. I can no scope someone in the head halfway across a small village!

    I especially love the kids who are planning on going in the military and act like they know more than people who have already been there. Then after a post in a forum they add USMC like they are already in, just because they TALKED to a recruiter
    "The thing about quotes on the internet is that you can not confirm their validity."
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    "A person is smart. People are dumb, panicky. dangerous animals."
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  12. #12
    Member Array Ionracas's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Burns View Post
    Eye contact is different for everyone, about half of people see it as respectful, other half see it as disrespectful, some people just find it uncomfortable, depending on how you were raised, personal opinion, and your culture. So that really makes no difference to me.

    A firm handshake is important to me also.
    True. I have almost no exposure with thoes types however. It would be benneficial for me so I dont encounter it the hard way, when Im teaching.

    Quote Originally Posted by 1911247 View Post
    Dont you hate the guys that look tough, then you shake their hand and its a half hacked grip with the tips of fingers and thumb like their some kind of mid evil maiden crap...........ugh i have always disliked that.
    Ill admit that although Im 5'6" and about 200lbs Im rather petite. My hands are very small, class ring wouldnt even fit on any girls I liked in HS! Sad I know. But Ive shaken hands with a lot of really built people who I would think crush me when usualy I wind up hurting their hand. Mind over matter maybe. Or perhaps they go gentle, underestimating me. Either way a lot of handshakes leave the other in surprise.
    "The thing about quotes on the internet is that you can not confirm their validity."
    -Abraham Lincoln

    "A person is smart. People are dumb, panicky. dangerous animals."
    -Agent K

  13. #13
    Ex Member Array 1911247's Avatar
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    as do sneezes! i saw a musclebound ape roar up for the most impressive sneeze ever in walmart, was like a show!....than AHHHHHHH teee! haha

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    Senior Member Array CanuckQue's Avatar
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    "Old school" enough to threaten with a gun, but too modern to have a dowry prepared? Pshhh, liberals ....
    Our current plan for Universal Iron Lung coverage, just sayin'.
    Wisest. Retirement. Plan. Ever.
    Good thing the March of Dimes worked. How, why?

    Alternately, for those with a tool shed, ideas, or creative loved ones to tell..


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    Member Array Rhuarc3's Avatar
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    Thankfully I don't have to worry about any of that. I have two boys. Just have to show them how to be good men and I'm done.


    - Todd

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