'Are you kidding me? Uncle Ted says it best.

'Are you kidding me? Uncle Ted says it best.

This is a discussion on 'Are you kidding me? Uncle Ted says it best. within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; Tell me your favorite Ted one liner or saying. He kills me with his biological analysis and his political ribbing. I got that donkey in ...

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Thread: 'Are you kidding me? Uncle Ted says it best.

  1. #1
    Member Array stroguy's Avatar
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    'Are you kidding me? Uncle Ted says it best.

    Tell me your favorite Ted one liner or saying. He kills me with his biological analysis and his political ribbing.

    I got that donkey in the pump station. Translate: I shot her in the heart.

    I'm after rug steak. Translate: We are hunting bear.

    My all time favorite is when he belches BARRRRRACKK. Priceless.


  2. #2
    Member Array JayTee's Avatar
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    "Don't tread on me, and I won't TED on you!"

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    "I like dead offenders".

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    VIP Member Array paaiyan's Avatar
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    I'm actually not his biggest fan. His personality bothers me.
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    WARNING: This post may contain material offensive to those who lack wit, humor, common sense and/or supporting factual or anecdotal evidence. All statements and assertions contained herein may be subject to literary devices not limited to: irony, metaphor, allusion and dripping sarcasm.

  5. #5
    Member Array stroguy's Avatar
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    I don't remember that being the question, but I respect your opinion.
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    Member Array SandWMandP's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by paaiyan View Post
    I'm actually not his biggest fan. His personality bothers me.
    + 1 on this. Ted is the kind of guy who gives gun owners a bad name. He would be in jail if he wasn't famous.
    FLArmadillo and ericb327 like this.

  7. #7
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    If she Wangos,She Tangos ; )
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  8. #8
    Distinguished Member Array Toorop's Avatar
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    Originally said by Ted Nugent:

    Ted was a young boy, appearing to be a hippie but quite opposite in fact, working hard and playing hard, playing rock and roll like a deviant. People would question my sanity, I played so much. So I got my notice to be in the draft. Do you think I was gonna lay down my guitar and go play army? Give me a break! I was busy doin' it to it. I had a career Jack. If I was walkin' around, hippying down, getting' loaded and pickin' my butt like your common curs, I'd say "Hey yeah, go in the army. Beats the poop out of scuffin' around in the gutters." But I wasn't a gutter dog. I was a hard workin', rock and roll musician.

    I got my physical notice 30 days prior to. Well, on that day I ceased cleansing my body. No more brushing my teeth, no more washing my hair, no baths, no soap, no water. Thirty days of debris build. I stopped shavin' and I was 18, had a little scraggly beard, really looked like a hippie. I had long hair, and it started gettin' kinky, matted up. Then two weeks before, I stopped eating any food with nutritional value. I just had chips, Pepsi, beer-stuff I never touched-buttered poop, little jars of Polish sausages, and I'd drink the syrup, I was this side of death, Then a week before, I stopped going to the bathroom. I did it in my pants. poop, piss the whole shot. My pants got crusted up.

    See, I approached the whole thing like, Ted Nugent, cool hard-workin' dude, is gonna wreak havoc on these imbeciles in the armed forces. I'm gonna play their own game, and I'm gonna destroy 'em. Now my whole body is crusted in poop and piss. I was ill. And three or four days before, I started stayin' awake. I was close to death, but I was in control. I was extremely antidrug as I've always been, but I snorted some crystal methedrine. Talk about one wounded dude A guy put up four lines, and it was for all four of us, but I didn't know and I'm vacuuming that poop right up. I was a walking, talking hunk of human poop. I was six-foot-three of sin. So the guys took me down to the physical, and my nerves, my emotions were distraught. I was not a good person. I was wounded. But as painful and nauseous as it was — 'cause I was really into bein' clean and on the ball — I made gutter swine hippies look like football players. I was deviano.

    So I went in, and those guys in uniform couldn't believe the smell. They were ridiculin' me and pushin' me around and I was cryin', but all the time I was laughin' to myself. When they stuck the needle in my arm for the blood test I passed out, and when I came to they were kicking me into the wall. Then they made everybody take off their pants, and I did, and this sergeant says, "Oh my God, put those back on! You swine you!" Then they had a urine test and I couldn't piss, But my poop was just like ooze, man, so I poop in the cup and put it on the counter. I had poop on my hand and my arm. The guy almost puked. I was so proud. I knew I had these chumps beat. The last thing I remember was wakin' up in the ear test booth and they were sweepin' up. So I went home and cleaned up.

    They took a putty knife to me. I got the street rats out of my hair, ate some good steaks, beans, potatoes, cottage cheese, milk. A couple of days and I was ready to kick butt. And in the mail I got this big juicy 4-F. They'd call dead people before they’d call my butt. But you know the funny thing about it? I'd make an incredible army man. I'd be a colonel before you knew what hit you, and I'd have the baddest bunch of killers you'd ever seen in my platoon. But I just wasn't into it. I was too busy doin' my own thing, you know?
    That is my favortie quote by him. It shows us what kind of cowardly American he really is. He disgusts me and is not fit to be anyones role model. I had to edit it as Mr. Nugent has no clue on how decent people talk and likes to use filthy language.
    FLArmadillo and 21bubba like this.

  9. #9
    Member Array Grinder's Avatar
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    "The United Nations is a flea-infested, hygiene challenged hellhole of soulless despots, tyrants, anti-freedom, human-rights violating global gangbangers who wish to shore up their power by having the United Nations put forth a treaty that would restrict the access to guns by their people, thereby ensuring the tyrants can continue to kill, control, rape and plunder innocents with impunity.” -- Ted Nugent

  10. #10
    Member Array FLArmadillo's Avatar
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    He makes gun owners look extreme. That, and he's a draft dodger; I'd never show my face in public ever again.

    BUT, to answer the question, one simple rib of his that's close to my heart: "Al Not-So-Sharpton".
    As we used to teach in the spook business, carry a 25 if it makes you feel good, but do not ever load it. If you load it you may shoot it. If you shoot it you may hit somebody, and if you hit somebody - and he finds out about it - he may be very angry with you. -- Jeff Cooper

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    Ted is kind of like a cartoon character to me.

    He amuses the heck out of me, and I do love is "dead offender" quote, and have used it many times.

    He's no hero though (far from it). That and all my heroes are dead.
    Arborigine and atctimmy like this.
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    Distinguished Member Array ericb327's Avatar
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    Ted doesn't speak for me!
    Sig35seven and 21bubba like this.
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    Senior Member Array Caertaker's Avatar
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    I find Ted entertaining...in small doses. The best part is how polarizing he is. Said another way, I don't so much enjoy Ted as how people react to Ted.
    The only quote that comes to mind is: "Whack 'em and stack 'em".

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    Ted doesn't speak for me either. I think that he makes gun owners look crazy and gives us a very bad image.
    ericb327 likes this.
    "Was there no end to the conspiracy of irrational prejudice against Red Ryder and his peacemaker?"

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  15. #15
    Senior Member Array dV8r's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ericb327 View Post
    Ted doesn't speak for me!
    The great thing about this country is that no one speaks for another except those who are elected to do so and they can be released of duty if they get out of line. Too bad ther are so many narcissists who get away with making the MSM believe differently.
    LEARN something today so you can TEACH something tomorrow.
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    Where is the wisdom that we have lost in knowledge?" T.S. Elliot

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