Why are men such jerks?

[suntzu]

How many opportunities does the Internet offer to air this out? At least a couple others I think. Sorry for being a jerk but .....seriously? Hells bells man.

I think it is nice to share our feelings. In fact after I post this I think I will download "Little Women" by Louisa May Alcott to my Kindle. light some candles, and go buy another cat

[DefensiveCarry.com]

[Brad426]

I think it is nice to share our feelings. In fact after I post this I think I will download "Little Women" by Louisa May Alcott to my Kindle. light some candles, and go buy another cat

Let's all hug it out. Maybe we can start a book club!

[nedrgr21]

Why are people jerks: It's easy, because it's tolerated and even encouraged ... from an early age and continued into the grown up business world. Kids that cause disruption are appeased b/c most adults are too lazy to address the problem (again) and they learn that "the squeaky wheel gets the grease". When was the last time someone got fired b/c the boss was just tired of their manipulative foolishness and negative impact on the morale of the office.

Try this: Tell her to make a list of common traits in the guys that have been jerks and when she noticed they were jerks. Here's a tip for her, they were jerks the whole time; just not to her. Make another list of what she wants in a guy, then cross off what she doesn't need. Bet it's an eye opener.

[clc]

This sucks!!! Can we talk about guns? Act like a loose woman get treated as such. Present yourself as a good woman get treated with respect.

Thanks Opra

[ericb327]

This sucks!!! Can we talk about guns? Act like a loose woman get treated as such. Present yourself as a good woman get treated with respect.

Thanks Opra

You can go talk about guns in the appropriate forum. This one is for off topic!

[tubadude]

Let's all hug it out. Maybe we can start a book club!

Nah. I'll just sit here and clean my guns while looking down on you.

But in all seriousness (maybe?), OP's friend needs to reevaluate where she finds these people, or OP needs to just ask her out already. My current relationship came about after four years of just being friends.

[Brad426]

Ouch, that's hurtful random Internet guy...

[Glhadiator]

Seriously? You're looking for relationship advice in a room full of testosterone? That may be part of the problem.

So here's mine;
If you pick up partners in a bar odds are you'll get a drunk. If you pick up partners in a church odds are you'll get a christian. If you pick up partners in a truck stop odds are you'll get a truck driver. I think you can see where this is going.

Tell her to stick in there. True love is worth it.

[RubenZ]

I love when women complain about guys they date and when you ask where they met the say a bar, party, or nightclub. Almost never fails. Guys aren't jerks! Women are just stupid and fall for the same crap over and over.

[nedrgr21]

My sister expected that when she got seriously involved in church (not why she got involved though) and found most of the single guys at her church were gay.

[Eagleks]

A lot of good men can be found at most any church.

Most of the really really violent domestic violence cases and even a few murderers, I kept hearing " I met him at church" or "they met him at church". I told women to quit meeting men at church and automatically assuming they must be a good person.

I'm single ... LOL.... what I meet is women who convince me that there are good reasons they are still single. Either they are gold diggers, or want a man to do everything for them in life and do the "helpless act", or they are psycho ... none of which I'm interested in having any relationshiop with. I guess I like a confident and a bit of an independent woman, who wants to share life... not beat it to death. I've had women tell me, "I need to find a man to marry who will support me, because I'm sooo tired of working " . I've become more convinced, I'm bad at picking 'good women'. I have had women call me literally 9-10 yrs later and asked me if I would like to get back together again, because I always treated them right, etc. and so on, and how all of the other men they've met in the meantime were jerks. ..... I've never known what to say to that. What I have told them is, well good luck in finding someone in the future. A lot of women dont' want a "nice guy" or a "good guy" .... not really.

A woman at work, said she had a problem and wanted to ask for some advice. She describes one guy who she likes because he's "good looking, tall, etc" but very very physically and verbally abusive. Another guy who really likes her as well and that she likes, who is 5'8" tall, is nice to her, treats her right and is madly in love with her, etc. It was where she was going to have to "pick one" because of the situation. Wanna guess ? Yep, the one who was abusive to her... and it ended about 9 mo's later after her getting beat up several times. In the mean time, the "good guy" ... moved on and met someone else.

Rather than blaming men, she might take a serious look at "why" and "where" she is picking the men she is picking. It's not all about her looks, although that may attract certain "types" of men as a result. Maybe... she's looking for the wrong type of man.

She might start dressing a bit differently... I'm sure you get what I'm saying there. But, a lot of women .... really don't like nor want to meet a "nice guy", they want a jerk to change into the type of guy they want to marry.... and it never happens. Many men, this will sound weird, won't approach a really attractive women, because they assume either they are a woman who thinks using her looks / body / etc. is a way to get whatever she wants, and/or ..... they are trophy wives with no brains and only want a cash cow. Some men, will approach her ... for her looks.... and aren't interested in any serious relationship. Some woman also say, they "want" , but really don't... as they do everything in the world to date people they know that's never going to happen.

You might say her age, that might help as well. Women at different ages, are looking for different things and/or expectations for the future .... and so do men.

[Arborigine]

A lot of good men can be found at most any church.

I heard Dahmer became an Christian too. No guarantees.
The problem is her picker is broken. I know women who keep picking the same loser, time after time. It is only when they consider what they want and ignore what attracts them that they can break out of the typecast. Of course, that doesn't neccessarily make them a catch, either.

[Bardo]

So she's an 'emotional wreck' because she said no to someone and hurt his feelings?

Honestly, it sounds like she needs to grow up and you need to not enable her ridiculous over reactivity.

The VAST majority of men are NOT jerks.

"(sob) I'm just too pretty!"

Really? That just sounds ridiculous. Say that to another girl and watch her laugh her head off at the conceit.

If there is ANY truth to this story, then she's putting herself in situations she shouldn't be in the first place and hanging out with jerks. It doesn't mean that men as a whole are jerks, just the ones she's picking.

[Eagleks]

So she's an 'emotional wreck' because she said no to someone and hurt his feelings?

Honestly, it sounds like she needs to grow up and you need to not enable her ridiculous over reactivity.

The VAST majority of men are NOT jerks.

"(sob) I'm just too pretty!"

Really? That just sounds ridiculous. Say that to another girl and watch her laugh her head off at the conceit.

If there is ANY truth to this story, then she's putting herself in situations she shouldn't be in the first place and hanging out with jerks. It doesn't mean that men as a whole are jerks, just the ones she's picking.

A "party girl " ?

[MisterB]

Ha! It just dawned on me OP that your friend may be feeling you out and trying to come on to you. If there's one thing I've learned as I've gotten older, it's that women don't always just come out and say they want you. They're complicated, emotional, and highly irrational much of the time. After learning more about this from my wife, as she tells me that so and so just hit on me or was looking me up and down hard (and I had no clue), I wonder how many times in my life someone was interested in me and I didn't know it. They were too whatever to make it obvious to me, and so nothing came of it.

Besides, what straight guy has a friend like this of the opposite sex? I suppose it happens, but is probably unusual. I say crap or get off the pot. Open your eyes and see if she is in to you. Maybe make a move of your own