Why are men such jerks?

Why are men such jerks?

This is a discussion on Why are men such jerks? within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; Let me start out by stating that this is a very serious question, so if you are going to make a smart aleck response, please ...

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Thread: Why are men such jerks?

  1. #1
    VIP Member Array ExactlyMyPoint's Avatar
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    Why are men such jerks?

    Let me start out by stating that this is a very serious question, so if you are going to make a smart aleck response, please do not even bother.

    This is not gun related, but I know there are a lot of men on this forum and I want to pose this question.

    I have a lady friend. She is drop dead gorgeous which is causing her some real problems. She is in her 30s and all she wants to do is find a decent guy, get married and raise a family. Just like any other normal girl. But she can’t. Honestly, because she is so pretty, every guy sets his eye on her and their only goal seems to want to get her in bed. She is actually a girl of high morals and although she has been intimate with several men, it has always been in the context of a longer term relationship that she had hoped would turn to marriage. They all ended for one reason or another.

    Yesterday she calls me up and is crying in my ear because she was invited on a boat, was talking to one of the guys on the boat who she has met before and within a short time, this guy is telling her how much he wants to get her in bed and blah, blah, blah. Nothing she has not heard before, but it broke the threshold. She tells the guy, politely (truly), that she is leaving, moves to the other side of the boat (not a lot of room to move) and is just devastated for the rest of the outing. She gets home and is just an emotional wreck. She calls me, we talk, but I really didn’t know what else to say to her except that there are a lot of jerks out there.

    So the questions I have are:

    1. Why are we guys such jerks?
    2. What do you say to a weeping woman under these circumstances?
    3. What can she do to find a decent guy who will love her for her and not just try and get her in bed?

    I did make one suggestion that she try and not dress so pretty. She said she couldn’t do that. I agreed that she would look good even in a gunny sack. Her only reply was that she had a set of high heels that would be perfect for a gunny sack. Well at least she is keeping her sense of humor.

    It is too late now to help console her, but I am sure this will come up again as I think she is still emotionally fragile. Any advice for the future would be appreciated.

    (Follow up on post #35)
    Last edited by ExactlyMyPoint; August 26th, 2012 at 09:53 PM.
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  2. #2
    VIP Member Array miklcolt45's Avatar
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    We are not ALL jerks.

    If you don't like the fish you keep catching, perhaps it is time to fish in a different pond, or use different bait.
    He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose. - Jim Elliott

    The world is a dangerous place to live; not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it.
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    VIP Member Array glockman10mm's Avatar
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    Sounds like a natural thing for a normal healthy man to want to do to me. But I have never been in touch with my sensitive side.
    Brad426 and wmhawth like this.
    Ignorance is a long way from stupid, but left unchecked, can get there real fast.

  4. #4
    VIP Member Array Brad426's Avatar
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    Somebody is in love.
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  5. #5
    Member Array JayTee's Avatar
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    I may be of better help if I knew what she looks like. Any photos?
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  6. #6
    VIP Member Array gottabkiddin's Avatar
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    A lot of good men can be found at most any church.
    "He that hath no sword, let him sell his garment, and buy one." Luke 22:36

    "If a law is unjust, a man is not only right to disobey it, he is obligated to do so." Thomas Jefferson

  7. #7
    VIP Member Array ccw9mm's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ExactlyMyPoint View Post
    So the questions I have are:

    1. Why are we guys such jerks?
    They've had more practice. They tend not to discuss how to change and improve the score, in that regard.

    2. What do you say to a weeping woman under these circumstances?
    Listening. Being there, showing you care (just like any other good friend), being that "shoulder to cry on." Striving to understand. Not striving to take over and fix ... as fixing will come, in time.

    3. What can she do to find a decent guy who will love her for her and not just try and get her in bed?

    Ah, the timeless question.

    Networking can help. Going it alone can be badly hit-or-miss. Confiding in a handful of dear friends can help get more "eyes" out there for apparently decent folk who might fit the bill. Uncertain whether she's enlisting the help of a few trusted friends, in this endeavor.

    There's like, attraction, infatuation, lust ... and way, way out there is love. It's relatively rare, by comparison, and some won't find it. (Some, those who think with the loins only, are almost certainly of this sort.) Her heart and head seem in the right place, with her eyes focused on the goal. I'm betting that once others of like mind know of her dedication to this goal then she's going to be far more likely to find what she's looking for.

    More-likely locales might help. For example, church, professional organizations chock full of people she basically understands to begin with (at least insofar as their common profession is concerned). Might attempt confiding in a couple of relationship/marriage counselor types, as some (many?) of the relevant causes might well be more in her control than the currently believes. Heading to more outings/gatherings with trusted confidants who have been enlisted to keep their eyes out for such potential folks.

    It is too late now to help console her, but ...
    It's never too late. So long as a person needs someone to listen to, and so long as someone's perceptive enough to see that a person's in such need ... it's never too late to help a person.
    Your best weapon is your brain. Don't leave home without it.
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  8. #8
    VIP Member Array Harryball's Avatar
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    Pretty women have problems to. Some have such a high expectation of what a man should be that every guy out there falls short. Im not casting blame on her, but it does take two to tangle....Maybe she should look at herself in the mirror and figure out what she wants. When she is done with that, she needs to take what she wants and make no apologies for it.
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  9. #9
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    If the guys she goes out with are that shallow and up front about what they're after, she needs to start looking elsewhere. A good, rational self-examination of the signals she gives and how she 'advertises' is probably in order as well.
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    Member Array troutkiller's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by gottabkiddin View Post
    A lot of good men can be found at most any church.
    Bingo...

  11. #11
    VIP Member Array Brad426's Avatar
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    In all seriousness, a site dedicated to gun talk seems an odd place to ask touchy-feely questions. There is a lot of testosterone coursing through this site at any given point.
    I have a very strict gun control policy: if there's a gun around, I want to be in control of it.
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  12. #12
    VIP Member Array Harryball's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Brad426 View Post
    In all seriousness, a site dedicated to gun talk seems an odd place to ask touchy-feely questions. There is a lot of testosterone coursing through this site at any given point.
    Who better to ask?
    ExactlyMyPoint likes this.
    Don"t let stupid be your skill set....

    Never be ashamed of a scar. It simply means, that you were stronger than whatever tried to hurt you......

  13. #13
    VIP Member Array Hiram25's Avatar
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    If she's a Christian lady, try ChristianMingle.com, at least most of the men there should be of a little higher moral fiber than the ones she's been running into.
    Hiram25
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  14. #14
    VIP Member Array ccw9mm's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by gasmitty View Post
    A good, rational self-examination of the signals she gives and how she 'advertises' is probably in order as well.
    This part's crucial, IMO. Whether she realizes it or not, many read those signals in oh-so-typical ways, and making minor adjustments in presentation can often go a long, long way toward better aligning with the goals she's got for being "out there" looking.

    Think: fishing. A "spoon" doesn't always work. Far better luck can come from matching the conditions to the right spinner, jig, plug, fly ... As in, a bit less/different makeup; a subtle wardrobe change; possibly toning down the signals, though at least changing them; a different group of friends, if they're part of the signals she's presenting; and the locale, where she's going, which itself can have subtle (even strong) implications about what she's seeking.
    BlueHawk76 likes this.
    Your best weapon is your brain. Don't leave home without it.
    Thoughts: Justifiable self defense (A.O.J.).
    Explain: How does disarming victims reduce the number of victims?
    Reason over Force: The Gun is Civilization (Marko Kloos).
    NRA, SAF, GOA, OFF, ACLDN.

  15. #15
    VIP Member Array ccw9mm's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Brad426 View Post
    In all seriousness, a site dedicated to gun talk seems an odd place to ask touchy-feely questions. There is a lot of testosterone coursing through this site at any given point.
    In typical "guy" fashion, he could always give her that pink-gripped LCR he spotted today.
    Your best weapon is your brain. Don't leave home without it.
    Thoughts: Justifiable self defense (A.O.J.).
    Explain: How does disarming victims reduce the number of victims?
    Reason over Force: The Gun is Civilization (Marko Kloos).
    NRA, SAF, GOA, OFF, ACLDN.

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