Actual Newspaper Headlines

Actual Newspaper Headlines

This is a discussion on Actual Newspaper Headlines within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; *Chef Throws His Heart Into Helping Feed Needy. * Arson Suspect is Held in Massachussetts Fire. * British Union Finds Dwarfs in Short Supply. * ...

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Thread: Actual Newspaper Headlines

  1. #1
    1943 - 2009
    Array Captain Crunch's Avatar
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    Actual Newspaper Headlines

    *Chef Throws His Heart Into Helping Feed Needy.

    * Arson Suspect is Held in Massachussetts Fire.

    * British Union Finds Dwarfs in Short Supply.

    * Lansing Residents Can Drop Off Trees.

    * Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half.

    * New Vaccine May Contain Rabies.

    * Man Minus Ear Waives Hearing.

    * Deaf College Opens Doors to Hearing.

    * Air Head Fired Steals Clock, Faces Time.

    * Prosecutor Releases Probe into Undersheriff.

    * Old School Pillars are Replaced by Alumni.

    * Bank Drive-in Window Blocked by Board.

    * Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors.

    * Include Your Children When Baking Cookies.

    * If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While.

    * Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures.

    * Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge.

    * Is There a Ring of Debris Around Uranus?

    * Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant.


    When you’re wounded and left on Afghanistan’s plains,
    And the women come out to cut up what remains,
    Just roll to your rifle and blow out your brains,
    And go to your God like a soldier.

    Rudyard Kipling


    Terry


  2. #2
    Distinguished Member Array Dakotaranger's Avatar
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    Shoot that red tape must be good stuff. You know that London Bridge keeps falling down, maybe we should send some to England.
    "[T]he people are not to be disarmed of their weapons.
    They are left in full possession of them."

    Zacharia Johnson (speech in the Virginia Ratifying Convention,25 June 1778)"The best we can hope for concerning the people at large is that they be properly armed." ~Alexander Hamilton

  3. #3
    VIP Member Array Bud White's Avatar
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    yes i can see everyone of those in the paper for some reason

  4. #4
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    Another real-life headline:

    Had the following headline (no kidding!) in the local paper (Marion Star) a few months ago:

    "Mother attacked in domestic assault, daughter in stitches"

    Obviously not a funny topic whatsoever, but the latter part has a secondary meaning....
    It's not about the caliber you carry, it's about how you USE it.

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  5. #5
    Senior Member Array palmgopher's Avatar
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    those are definately good =O)

  6. #6
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    My Kind of Humor...

    laughed out loud...very funny...



    Thanks...

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  7. #7
    Senior Member Array Fragman's Avatar
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    Actually...

    Quote Originally Posted by Dakotaranger View Post
    Shoot that red tape must be good stuff. You know that London Bridge keeps falling down, maybe we should send some to England.
    Interesting side note about London Bridge.

    Actually, London Bridge was bought by an American called Robert McCulloch. It is now in Lake Halavasu City, Arizona. It is believed that he thought he was buying Tower Bridge.

    So, they sold it to him and built a new one. The one they sold was sinking rapidly as the increased trafic it was carrying was proving to be too much for its foundations, so it had to be demolished anyway.

    Mr McCulloch interest in the bridge was quite fortunate at the time!

  8. #8
    Distinguished Member Array Dakotaranger's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fragman View Post
    Interesting side note about London Bridge.

    Actually, London Bridge was bought by an American called Robert McCulloch. It is now in Lake Halavasu City, Arizona. It is believed that he thought he was buying Tower Bridge.

    So, they sold it to him and built a new one. The one they sold was sinking rapidly as the increased trafic it was carrying was proving to be too much for its foundations, so it had to be demolished anyway.

    Mr McCulloch interest in the bridge was quite fortunate at the time!
    Yeah, I kinda forgot that it was now in Arizona, but it's just not as funny to say it that way.
    "[T]he people are not to be disarmed of their weapons.
    They are left in full possession of them."

    Zacharia Johnson (speech in the Virginia Ratifying Convention,25 June 1778)"The best we can hope for concerning the people at large is that they be properly armed." ~Alexander Hamilton

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