Do you really want to mess with Santa?

Do you really want to mess with Santa?

This is a discussion on Do you really want to mess with Santa? within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; Dear Santa, How are you? How is Mrs. Claus? I hope everyone, from the reindeer to the elves, is fine. I have been a very ...

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  • 12 Post By Jeanlouise

Thread: Do you really want to mess with Santa?

  1. #1
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    Oct 2012
    Almost Heaven

    Do you really want to mess with Santa?

    Dear Santa,

    How are you? How is Mrs. Claus? I hope everyone, from the

    reindeer to the elves, is fine. I have been a very good boy this year. I

    would like an X-Box 360 with Call of Duty IV and an iPhone 4 for

    Christmas. I hope you remember that come Christmas Day.

    Merry Christmas,

    Timmy Jones

    * *

    Dear Timmy,

    Thank you for you letter. Mrs. Claus, the reindeer and the elves are all

    fine and thank you for asking about them. Santa is a little worried all the

    time you spend playing video games and texting. Santa wouldn’t want you to

    get fat. Since you have indeed been a good boy, I think I’ll bring you

    something you can go outside and play with.

    Merry Christmas,

    Santa Claus

    * *

    Mr. Claus,

    Seeing that I have fulfilled the “naughty vs. Nice” contract,

    set by you I might add, I feel confident that you can see your way clear to

    granting me what I have asked for. I certainly wouldn’t want to turn this

    joyous season into one of litigation. Also, don’t you think that a jibe at

    my weight coming from an overweight man who goes out once a year is a bit



    Tim Jones

    * *

    Mr. Jones,

    While I have acknowledged you have met the “nice” criteria,

    need I remind you that your Christmas list is a request and in no way is it

    a guarantee of services provided. Should you wish to pursue legal action,

    well that is your right. Please know, however, that my attorney’s have been

    on retainer ever since the Burgermeister Meisterburger incident and will be

    more than happy to take you on in open court. Additionally, the exercise I

    alluded to will not only improve your health, but also improve your social

    skills and potentially help clear up a complexion that looks like the

    bottom of the Burger King fry bin most days.

    Very Truly Yours,

    S Claus

    * *

    Now look here Fat Man,

    I told you what I want and I expect you to bring it. I was

    attempting to be polite about this but you brought my looks and my friends

    into this. Now your just be disrespecting me. I’m about to tweet my boys

    and we’re gonna be waiting for your fat ass and I’m taking my game console,

    my game, my phone, and whatever else I want. WHAT EVER I WANT, MAN!


    * *

    Listen Pizza Face,

    Seriously??? You think a dude that breaks into every house in the world on

    one night and never gets caught sweats a skinny G-banger wannabe? “He sees

    you when you’re sleeping; He knows when you’re awake”. Sound familiar,

    genius? You have no idea what kind of resources I have at my disposal. I got your

    **** wired, Jack. I go all around the world and see ways to hurt people

    and if I described them right now, you’d throw up your Totino’s pizza roll

    all over the carpet of your mom’s basement. You’re not getting what you

    asked for, but I’m still stopping by your crib to stomp a mud hole in

    you’re ass and then walk it dry. Chew on that, Petunia.

    S Clizzy

    * *

    Dear Santa,

    Bring me whatever you see fit. I’ll appreciate anything.


    * *


    That’s what I thought.
    iguanadon, darbo, WHEC724 and 9 others like this.
    Heaven goes by favor. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in.- Mark Twain

  2. #2
    Distinguished Member Array DontTreadOnI's Avatar
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    I enjoyed it, thanks for sharing!

  3. #3
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    Array WHEC724's Avatar
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    That made me smile.

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  4. #4
    VIP Member Array deadguy's Avatar
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    Do you really want to mess with Santa?

    That made me chuckle out loud.
    May you be in Heaven before the Devil knows you're dead

  5. #5
    VIP Member Array ccw9mm's Avatar
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    Jul 2006
    Fuss with Claus, and you gets yer "Totinos roll" handed to you on a plate. Wise counsel.

    I'm assuming his outdoor-oriented gift won't be a new bass boat. Slip-n-Slide, anyone??
    Your best weapon is your brain. Don't leave home without it.
    Thoughts: Justifiable self defense (A.O.J.).
    Explain: How does disarming victims reduce the number of victims?
    Reason over Force: Why the Gun is Civilization (Marko Kloos).

  6. #6
    Array atctimmy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by deadguy View Post
    That made me chuckle out loud.
    Me too. Funny!

  7. #7
    Member Array Islandp229's Avatar
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    Aug 2010
    good one very funny

  8. #8
    VIP Member Array oakchas's Avatar
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    Jun 2009
    T-Bone, indeed...

    Yeah, that's a good un.
    It could be worse!
    I suppose

  9. #9
    VIP Member Array JoJoGunn's Avatar
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    Thank you!

    I have laughed so hard I came to tears! Man that was funny right there!
    "A Smith & Wesson always beats 4 aces!"

    The Man Prayer. "Im a man, I can change, if I have to.....I guess!" ~ Red Green

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