Do you really want to mess with Santa?

This is a discussion on Do you really want to mess with Santa? within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; Dear Santa, How are you? How is Mrs. Claus? I hope everyone, from the reindeer to the elves, is fine. I have been a very ...

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Thread: Do you really want to mess with Santa?

  1. #1
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    Do you really want to mess with Santa?

    Dear Santa,

    How are you? How is Mrs. Claus? I hope everyone, from the

    reindeer to the elves, is fine. I have been a very good boy this year. I

    would like an X-Box 360 with Call of Duty IV and an iPhone 4 for

    Christmas. I hope you remember that come Christmas Day.

    Merry Christmas,

    Timmy Jones

    * *



    Dear Timmy,

    Thank you for you letter. Mrs. Claus, the reindeer and the elves are all

    fine and thank you for asking about them. Santa is a little worried all the

    time you spend playing video games and texting. Santa wouldn’t want you to

    get fat. Since you have indeed been a good boy, I think I’ll bring you

    something you can go outside and play with.

    Merry Christmas,

    Santa Claus



    * *

    Mr. Claus,

    Seeing that I have fulfilled the “naughty vs. Nice” contract,

    set by you I might add, I feel confident that you can see your way clear to

    granting me what I have asked for. I certainly wouldn’t want to turn this

    joyous season into one of litigation. Also, don’t you think that a jibe at

    my weight coming from an overweight man who goes out once a year is a bit

    trite?

    Respectfully,

    Tim Jones

    * *



    Mr. Jones,

    While I have acknowledged you have met the “nice” criteria,

    need I remind you that your Christmas list is a request and in no way is it

    a guarantee of services provided. Should you wish to pursue legal action,

    well that is your right. Please know, however, that my attorney’s have been

    on retainer ever since the Burgermeister Meisterburger incident and will be

    more than happy to take you on in open court. Additionally, the exercise I

    alluded to will not only improve your health, but also improve your social

    skills and potentially help clear up a complexion that looks like the

    bottom of the Burger King fry bin most days.

    Very Truly Yours,

    S Claus

    * *



    Now look here Fat Man,

    I told you what I want and I expect you to bring it. I was

    attempting to be polite about this but you brought my looks and my friends

    into this. Now your just be disrespecting me. I’m about to tweet my boys

    and we’re gonna be waiting for your fat ass and I’m taking my game console,

    my game, my phone, and whatever else I want. WHAT EVER I WANT, MAN!

    T-Bone

    * *



    Listen Pizza Face,

    Seriously??? You think a dude that breaks into every house in the world on

    one night and never gets caught sweats a skinny G-banger wannabe? “He sees

    you when you’re sleeping; He knows when you’re awake”. Sound familiar,

    genius? You have no idea what kind of resources I have at my disposal. I got your

    **** wired, Jack. I go all around the world and see ways to hurt people

    and if I described them right now, you’d throw up your Totino’s pizza roll

    all over the carpet of your mom’s basement. You’re not getting what you

    asked for, but I’m still stopping by your crib to stomp a mud hole in

    you’re ass and then walk it dry. Chew on that, Petunia.

    S Clizzy

    * *



    Dear Santa,

    Bring me whatever you see fit. I’ll appreciate anything.

    Timmy

    * *



    Timmy,

    That’s what I thought.
    iguanadon, darbo, WHEC724 and 9 others like this.
    It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

    http://www.timeanddate.com/countdown...eaves%20office

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  3. #2
    Distinguished Member Array DontTreadOnI's Avatar
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    I enjoyed it, thanks for sharing!
    If ye love wealth better than liberty, the tranquility of servitude than the animated contest of freedom, go from us in peace. We ask not your counsels or arms. Crouch down and lick the hands which feed you. May your chains sit lightly upon you, and may posterity forget that you were our countrymen.

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    That made me smile.

    Thanks.
    __________________________________
    'Clinging to my guns and religion

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    Distinguished Member Array deadguy's Avatar
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    Do you really want to mess with Santa?

    That made me chuckle out loud.
    There's nothing like a funeral to make you feel alive

  6. #5
    VIP Member Array ccw9mm's Avatar
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    Fuss with Claus, and you gets yer "Totinos roll" handed to you on a plate. Wise counsel.

    I'm assuming his outdoor-oriented gift won't be a new bass boat. Slip-n-Slide, anyone??
    Your best weapon is your brain. Don't leave home without it.
    Thoughts: Justifiable self defense (A.O.J.).
    Explain: How does disarming victims reduce the number of victims?
    Reason over Force: The Gun is Civilization (Marko Kloos).
    NRA, GOA, OFF, ACLDN.

  7. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by deadguy View Post
    That made me chuckle out loud.
    Me too. Funny!

  8. #7
    Member Array Islandp229's Avatar
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    good one very funny

  9. #8
    VIP Member Array oakchas's Avatar
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    T-Bone, indeed...

    Yeah, that's a good un.
    It could be worse.
    "The History of our Revolution will be one continued Lye from one end to the other."
    John Adams
    "A gun is kind of like a parachute. If you need one and don't have one, you'll probably never need one again".

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    VIP Member Array JoJoGunn's Avatar
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    Thank you!

    I have laughed so hard I came to tears! Man that was funny right there!
    "A Smith & Wesson always beats 4 aces!"

    The Man Prayer. "Im a man, I can change, if I have to.....I guess!" ~ Red Green

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