Little Timmy writes to Santa

[ANGLICO]

Dear Santa,

How are you? How is Mrs. Claus? I hope everyone, from the

I have been a very good boy this year. I would like an X-Box 360 with Call of Duty IV and an iPhone 4 for Christmas. I hope you remember that come Christmas Day..

Merry Christmas,
Timmy Jones

* *

Dear Timmy,

Thank you for you letter. Mrs. Claus, the reindeer and the elves are all fine and thank you for asking about them. Santa is a little worried all the time you spend playing video games and texting. Santa wouldn’t want you to get fat. Since you have indeed been a good boy, I think I’ll bring you something you can go outside and play with.*

Merry Christmas,
Santa Claus

* *

Mr. Claus,

Seeing that I have fulfilled the “naughty vs. Nice” contract, set by you I might add, I feel confident that you can see your way clear to granting me what I have asked for. I certainly wouldn’t want to turn this joyous season into one of litigation. Also, don’t you think that a jibe at my weight coming from an overweight man who goes out once a year is a bit trite?

Respectfully,
Tim Jones

* *

Mr. Jones,

While I have acknowledged you have met the “nice” criteria, need I remind you that your Christmas list is a request and in no way is it a guarantee of services provided. Should you wish to pursue legal action, well that is your right. Please know, however, that my attorney’s have been on retainer ever since the Burgermeister Meisterburger incident and will be more than happy to take you on in open court. Additionally, the exercise I alluded to will not only improve your health, but also improve your social skills and potentially help clear up a complexion that looks like the bottom of the Burger King fry bin most days.

Very Truly Yours,
S Claus

* *

Now look here Fat Man,


I told you what I want and I expect you to bring it. I was attempting to be polite about this but you brought my looks and my friends into this. Now you just be disrespecting me. I’m about to tweet my boys and we’re gonna be waiting for your fat butt and I’m taking my game console, my game, my phone, and whatever else I want. WHAT EVER I WANT, MAN!

T-Bone

* *

Listen Pizza Face,

Seriously??? You think a dude that breaks into every house in the world on one night and never gets caught sweats a skinny G-banger wannabe? “He sees you when you’re sleeping; He knows when you’re awake”. Sound familiar, genius? You know what kind of resources I have at my disposal. I got your stuff wired, Jack. I go all around the world and see ways to hurt people that if I described them right now, you’d throw up your Totino’s pizza roll all over the carpet of your mom’s basement. You’re not getting what you asked for, but I’m still stopping by your crib to stomp a mud hole in you’re butt and then walk it dry. Chew on that, Petunia.

S Clizzy

* *

Dear Santa,

Bring me whatever you see fit. I’ll appreciate anything.

Timmy

* *

Timmy,

That’s what I thought..... you little jerk!

Santa

[DefensiveCarry.com]

[mkh]

Awesome! I am so sending that to my email list.

[OldVet]

I think I peed my pants!!!!

I'm sorry, but I'm flat out stealing this one to send on!

[oakchas]

Gosh, that's almost as funny as jeanlouise's here: Do you really want to mess with Santa?


But I still laughed, even the second time!

[ANGLICO]

So Sorry. I did not realize that jeanlouise had posted this............................ My apologies.

At least I 'cleaned' up the language............... ROFLAO= at me.

Thanks for pointing that out oakchas!

Mods - might want to just delete or merge this thread I started. I defer to Ms. jeanlouise! Love it.

[ccw9mm]

Timmy needs to brush up his musical skills. I'm sure he could think of a snappy "Santa, Baby" lyrics rewrite that would put the big guy in his place. "Pizza face" indeed!

"Santa baby, suckin' on the bottle this year, I see
Never one to skip the single malt, apparently
Hurry down the chimney tonight ... if you can fit

Na na na, ta da da deee ... "

[Jeanlouise]

So Sorry. I did not realize that jeanlouise had posted this............................ My apologies.

At least I 'cleaned' up the language............... ROFLAO= at me.

Thanks for pointing that out oakchas!

Mods - might want to just delete or merge this thread I started. I defer to Ms. jeanlouise! Love it.

NO! Don't delete it, it's funny as all get out no matter who posts it You did do a better job cleaning up than I did but you changed the really bad work to "jerk"...I just ended on a high note.

[oneshot]

I thought it sounded like the letter was from atctimmy.

What do I know?

[StarPD45]

LOL
Sent on.