Blizzard Free Zone
Mass blizzard killings are on the rise. We need to act now before these mass killings come to your town. It's not just the people who are being killed, these blizzards are reeking havoc on the tree population. Some trees are killed instantly while other less fortunate and defenseless trees are having their limbs ripped from their trunks leaving them with very little protection against the big bad sun during those hot summer days which are getting hotter due to global warming. Act now and get your town council to declare your town a "blizzard free zone" a make sure they post a "no blizzards allowed" sign at every road leading into your community so the blizzards will know that they are not welcome in your town.
The rest of the story here Update: Christmas Storms Blamed for at Least 6 Deaths, Blizzards Headed Toward Northeast | TheBlaze.com
In a totally unrelated story, the Ice Group Loss Organization Officials or I.G.L.O.O for short has filed cease and desist law suites against 18 different states in an effort to prevent those states from using salt and various other ice-melting products on roadways which I.G.L.O.O. claims "causes tiny defenseless ice crystals to suffer through a rapid liquidation process instead of the more humane natural melting process as originally intended by mother nature." I.G.L.O.O. founder and spokes woman, Summer Hater, called on President Obama to "appoint an Ice Czar" who would be "authorized to enact various regulations which would ban ice genocide." Summer Hater suggested that the President should consider Nancy Pelosi for the position of Ice Czar since she is "one cold (expletive deleted)." The President is taking the suggestion under advisement and is expected to address this epidemic during a press conference which will be held on Tuesday, January 1st at 12:00am. It is also rumored that the President might also make some announcements regarding the fiscal cliff and the abolishment of some rights. Due to the New Years Eve celebration, there will be no live coverage of the press conference.