Well that stinks. At least you got him , so no more terrorizing the area.
This is a discussion on New Years Day ATTACK! within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; I survived. Thats the best thing. I'll be the first to admit that I am somewhat traumatized. In all of my years of police training, ...
Thats the best thing. I'll be the first to admit that I am somewhat traumatized. In all of my years of police training, I was never prepared for something like this.
I went through the full range of emotion. Surprise.Contemplation. Anxiety. Absolute and terrifying fear. Adrenaline. After event nerves. Not to mention my sense of smell was so heightened, so increased that I may never smell things the same again.
It all started at the computer. Yes, the dad gummed computer. I was sitting there minding my own business doing some research on a rifle that I am supposed to fix. Its an old one, with virtually no known existing parts and I've checked all of my usual sources. Deep in concentration I was. Then all of a sudden I hear this whistling sound. I thought at first my wife stuck up a tune and I was hearing it. I got up to go check and she was dead asleep right where I left her.
Still I hear whistling and then it migrated to a whimper. Sort of like a "help me I'm stuck" sort of whimper that a possum or a coon does when they are trapped. Crap, I think. Something has gotten under the house and its stuck and I'm going to have to do something about it.
So, I leave my chair and walk outside. I do a walk around the house. I seen no open portals, no open vents, nothing where a little critter could slip in and forget to get out of.
In my moment of haste, I'll admit it, I was unarmed. But not for long. From here on out, the events are but a blur.
As I was making the last corner I came face to face with a skunk. Not your average garden variety skunk, but one that was a big around as a gallon paint can. A black and white paint can. I don't know who was more startled...me or the skunk. We stood their for a brief moment in time... about the time it took my brain to alert my feet that it was time to move. About the time I started high stepping backwords...that skunk took it for cowardliness on my part and he CHARGED!
Yeah...thats right. I got CHARGED by the biggest skunk I have ever seen. Now, keep in mind that we have had lots of cases of rabies this summer, a horse in the next pasture over had to be put down because it contracted Rabies and went berserk on the owners... the whole family had to take the precautionary treatments. Skunks, coons, even squirrels. Not a good year. So in the back of my mind, here I am seeing a skunk in broad daylight, which is unusual, and now I am being charged.
In a panic, in my best "feet don't fail me now" mode I made it to the carport. Luckily I was faster than the skunk, but not much. Thinking that it might follow me into the house if I open the door and thinking of the ensuing carnage of a rabid skunk in the house, I veered off and ran to my truck. I opened up the door and pulled out a suppressed .22 that I demoed for a few people yesterday. Now, I'm pulling the mag and looking for some ammo and that danged skunk was right on my tail. Thinking that he might try to spray me through the open door, I jumped in the truck and exited out the other side, thinking," I've got you now". This was no ordinary skunk. This was psycho skunk. Anticipating my moves, when I opened the other door, there he was...turned around tail end in the air pointing in my direction about to fire a volley.
My life flashed before my eyes. I was already thinking about how I could clean up enough to make it to work tomorrow. Doing the time, direction and speed of attack calculations in my mind, the situation was not looking good on my end.
I decided to retreat... a tactical withdrawal of sorts, going out the way I came, crawling out back wards while attempting to load the .22. It was not a pretty sight. My feet hit the concrete and out into the yard I ran. I decided at that point that the more distance there was between me and physco skunk there was, the less effective his fire would be if he cut loose.
And he did. He ran up to within about 4 feet of me and cut loose. I jumped behind a tree and put that .22 on him which was not an easy thing as the scope was cranked up to 9 power. Way to much scope at 4 feet. So while I am dancing around this tree, the skunk was doing the same, except that he was doing it back wards. It would have been funny if I wasn't terrified. I shot. And missed. I shot again. And missed. I shot again and missed. I probably was real close to the world record of cycling a bolt action, aiming and missing. I was now empty and that danged skunk was not amused. I decided another tactical withdrawal was in order, but this time I was back peddling and trying to load a magazine while avoiding the sporadic fire that was coming in my direction. It was incoming now, and the situation was very perilous.
Had it not been for a tree in between me and the aggressor, I would have been sitting in a tub full of tomato juice right now. I finally got loaded up, turned and ran about 30 yards and drew and fired. And missed. And fired. And missed. At this point my confidence in my ability to hit a target with a scoped rifle was fastly waning. I was beginning to wonder if I could hit it before I ran out of ammo. So now I was empty again and that little critter figured it had had enough. He turned and ran as fast as he could.
I was in a dilemma. Do I take out after him and get rid of him and risk getting sprayed or do I put him out of his misery? Surely he wasn't acting right. Here it was daylight and he was acting mad in more ways than one. I loaded back up and ran after him.
After a long race through the woods I finally got that scope on him and ended it. With two grandkids that run around like little wild men in the woods, I didn't want them facing what I did. Victory was mine...sort of.
I was wearing a wool fleece jacket while this battle raged on. As soon as I walked in the house, my wife wrinkled up her face and took notice and said, "is there a skunk in the yard"? "Yeah, but he's dead" I said. "How'd you know?
"Bob"..she says..."I think he got you". "Nah he didn't" I said...but as I sit here it may be wishful thinking on my part. That danged smell seems to be getting more powerful. I set my jacket and the back of the chair and it seems that it may have taken some indirect fire...as well as my tennis shoes. And may be my pants. I think he a shower may be in order. All of a sudden the whole house smells like skunk. My wife is not happy. In retrospect, I may not have emerged unscathed. That skunk fired several shots at me. Maybe in the midst of my adrenaline flow I might have just ignored the fact that maybe he didn't miss me clean like I thought.
The first day of the new year.
I hope the rest is better than this one.This whole place smells like skunk.
I beginning to wonder if he didn't win after all.
Well that stinks. At least you got him , so no more terrorizing the area.
"In matters of style, swim with the current; in matters of principle, stand like a rock." Thomas Jefferson
Nemo Me Impune Lacesset
Hydrogen peroxide, baking soda, and a small amount of dish soap. Removes skunk spray very well...
Battle Plan (n) - a list of things that aren't going to happen if you are attacked.
Blame it on Sixto - now that is a viable plan.
LOL I'm sorry. This is the best thriller I've read in the past six months. LOL.
Duty, Honor, Country...MEDIC!!!
¡Cuánto duele crecer, cuan hondo es el dolor de alzarse en puntillas y observar con temblores de angustia, esa cosa tremenda, que es la vida del hombre! - René Marqués
Yet another reminder that punching paper is not the same as trying to hit a moving aggressor. Might be a great story to tell people who ask why anyone would need more than 10 rounds
I couldn't stick around to read that. What is that awful smell in in this forum thread?
Its me. Its about to make me puke and its giving me a headache.
I am in tears..........
Glad you survived. Your nose.......who knows..............
ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒΕ: Buy These Stickers Here
"He went on two legs, wore clothes and was a human being, but nevertheless he was in reality a wolf of the Steppes. He had learned a good deal . . . and was a fairly clever fellow. What he had not learned, however, was this: to find contentment in himself and his own life. The cause of this apparently was that at the bottom of his heart he knew all the time (or thought he knew) that he was in reality not a man, but a wolf of the Steppes."
You really had me going. You tell a great story lol. Tell the wife sorry about the stinky house.
Our House Is Protected By The Good Lord And A gun. You Might Meet Both Of Them If You Show Up Inside My House Uninvited.
That read like a Tom Clancy novel. Good work. Sorry for the collateral damage.
It's kind of like how some people have a sudden and insatiable desire to talk about vampires after the Twilight series became popular, except zombies are much less gay and more likely to exist one day
A little bit of skunk smell goes a LONG ways, and it's persistent. A long time ago I helped an elderly lady out, she lived alone and had set a steel trap for a skunk and did catch him. He was dead when I arrived, but plenty of smell lingering. I manipulated the trap springs with my leather work boots. That was the only part of me that touched the skunk. I had to keep the boots outside for a few months, it was bad, and my wife still remembers it.
Gain a 2A vote, take a fence-sitter shooting.
images of some hapless mafia hitman running through the woods chasing his equally hapless victim with his suppressed .22 in some comedy comes to mind.
Anyone see "The Survivors" with Robin Williams and Jerry Reed?
"The gun is the great equalizer... For it is the gun, that allows the meek to repel the monsters; Whom are bigger, stronger and without conscience, prey on those who without one, would surely perish."
That's the funniest thing I've read in a while! Too good.
NRA Life Member
"I don't believe gun owners have rights." - Sarah Brady
A lot a bad things start on the computer.
Sorry about your encounter with the (probably) rabid skunk! You write a great story though! I was on the edge of my seat and picturing every moment.
skunk----1/4---points deducted for misting
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.