October 18th, 2006 07:40 AM
A woman, standing nude, looks in the bedroom mirror
and says to her husband, "I feel horrible, I look fat and
ugly.... please pay me a compliment."
The husband replied, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."
He never heard the shot.
SC CWP Instructor
NC CCH Instructor
NRA Certified Instructor
October 18th, 2006 07:43 AM
"If everyone is thinking alike, then somebody isn't thinking" - George S. Patton.
October 18th, 2006 09:04 AM
October 18th, 2006 11:12 AM
Try this one folks -
A husband is at home watching a
football game when his wife interrupts,
could you fix the light in the hallway?
it's been flickering for weeks now."
He looks at her and says angrily,
"Fix the lights now?
Does it look like I have
G.E. written on my forehead?
I don't think so."
Then the wife asks,
"Well then, could you fix the fridge door?
It won't close right."
To which he replied,
"Fix the fridge door?
Does it look like I have Westinghouse
written on my forehead?
I don't think so"
"Fine", she says,
"then you could at least fix the steps
to the front door?
They are about to break."
"I'm not a carpenter and I don't
want to fix steps."
He says, "does it look like I have
Ace Hardware written on my forehead?
I don't think so.
I've had enough of all this.
I'm going to the bar!!!!"
So he goes to the bar and drinks for a
couple of hours....................................
He eventually starts to feel guilty about how
he treated his wife, and decides
to go home
As he walks into the house he notices
that the steps are already fixed.
As he enters the house, he sees the
hall light is working.
As he goes to get a beer, he notices
the fridge door is fixed.
"Honey", he asks, "how'd all this get fixed?"
She said, "well, when you left I sat
outside and cried."
Just then a nice young man asked me
what was wrong, and I told him.
He offered to do all the repairs, and
all I had to do was either
go to bed with him or bake a cake.
"so what kind of cake did you bake?"
Do you see Betty Crocker written
on my forehead?"
"I don't think so!"
Chris - P95
NRA Certified Instructor & NRA Life Member.
"To own a gun and assume that you are armed
is like owning a piano and assuming that you are a musician!."
- a portal for 2A links, articles and some videos.
October 18th, 2006 11:49 AM
October 19th, 2006 04:26 AM
USN 78-82/USAF 82-93 Medically Retired
Desert Shield/Desert Storm
DAV Life Member
NRA Life Member
October 19th, 2006 06:03 AM
I knew that marriage was a fate worse than death
I have a friend getting married this weekend so when I went to go get a card for her wedding I was shocked and surprised to see that the sympathy cards and the wedding cards were placed together. I almost fell to the floor laughing when I saw it.
"[T]he people are not to be disarmed of their weapons.
They are left in full possession of them."
Zacharia Johnson (speech in the Virginia Ratifying Convention,25 June 1778)"The best we can hope for concerning the people at large is that they be properly armed."
October 19th, 2006 06:43 AM
Some coincidences are too funny for words.
Originally Posted by Dakotaranger
One should never confuse good fortune with good training.
Illegitimus Non Carborundum.
In God we trust.
October 21st, 2006 05:12 PM
My Wife Gives Sound Advice
The last Blood Moon Tetrad for this millennium starts in April 2014 and ends in September 2015...according to NASA.
Certified Glock Armorer
NRA Life Member[/B]
October 21st, 2006 07:15 PM
Assault is a behavior, not a device.
"Don't never take no shortcuts." Patty Reed, Donner Party
Lifetime NRA member
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