Perfect eyesight

This is a discussion on Perfect eyesight within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; A woman, standing nude, looks in the bedroom mirror and says to her husband, "I feel horrible, I look fat and ugly.... please pay me ...

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Thread: Perfect eyesight

  1. #1
    Member Array mstarn's Avatar
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    Perfect eyesight

    A woman, standing nude, looks in the bedroom mirror
    and says to her husband, "I feel horrible, I look fat and
    ugly.... please pay me a compliment."

    The husband replied, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."
    He never heard the shot.
    Mark
    SC CWP Instructor
    NC CCH Instructor
    NRA Certified Instructor

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  3. #2
    VIP Member Array MNBurl's Avatar
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    MNBurl

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    VIP Member Array artz's Avatar
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    LOL...

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    He never heard the shot


    Try this one folks -

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    A husband is at home watching a
    football game when his wife interrupts,

    "Honey,
    could you fix the light in the hallway?
    it's been flickering for weeks now."

    He looks at her and says angrily,
    "Fix the lights now?
    Does it look like I have
    G.E. written on my forehead?
    I don't think so."

    Fine,

    Then the wife asks,
    "Well then, could you fix the fridge door?
    It won't close right."

    To which he replied,
    "Fix the fridge door?
    Does it look like I have Westinghouse
    written on my forehead?
    I don't think so"

    "Fine", she says,
    "then you could at least fix the steps
    to the front door?
    They are about to break."

    "I'm not a carpenter and I don't
    want to fix steps."
    He says, "does it look like I have
    Ace Hardware written on my forehead?
    I don't think so.
    I've had enough of all this.
    I'm going to the bar!!!!"

    So he goes to the bar and drinks for a
    couple of hours....................................

    He eventually starts to feel guilty about how
    he treated his wife, and decides
    to go home

    As he walks into the house he notices
    that the steps are already fixed.

    As he enters the house, he sees the
    hall light is working.

    As he goes to get a beer, he notices
    the fridge door is fixed.

    "Honey", he asks, "how'd all this get fixed?"
    She said, "well, when you left I sat
    outside and cried."

    Just then a nice young man asked me
    what was wrong, and I told him.

    He offered to do all the repairs, and
    all I had to do was either
    go to bed with him or bake a cake.

    He said,
    "so what kind of cake did you bake?"

    She replied,
    "Hellooooo...
    Do you see Betty Crocker written
    on my forehead?"


    "I don't think so!"
    Chris - P95
    NRA Certified Instructor & NRA Life Member.

    "To own a gun and assume that you are armed
    is like owning a piano and assuming that you are a musician!."


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    VIP Member Array PatrioticRick's Avatar
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    both funny
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    Distinguished Member Array Dakotaranger's Avatar
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    I knew that marriage was a fate worse than death



    I have a friend getting married this weekend so when I went to go get a card for her wedding I was shocked and surprised to see that the sympathy cards and the wedding cards were placed together. I almost fell to the floor laughing when I saw it.
    "[T]he people are not to be disarmed of their weapons.
    They are left in full possession of them."

    Zacharia Johnson (speech in the Virginia Ratifying Convention,25 June 1778)"The best we can hope for concerning the people at large is that they be properly armed." ~Alexander Hamilton

  9. #8
    VIP Member Array Old Chief's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dakotaranger View Post
    I have a friend getting married this weekend so when I went to go get a card for her wedding I was shocked and surprised to see that the sympathy cards and the wedding cards were placed together. I almost fell to the floor laughing when I saw it.
    Some coincidences are too funny for words.
    One should never confuse good fortune with good training.
    Illegitimus Non Carborundum.
    In God we trust.

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    VIP Member Array swiftyjuan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Old Chief View Post
    Some coincidences are too funny for words.
    Coincidence? NOT!
    John
    Assault is a behavior, not a device.

    "Don't never take no shortcuts." Patty Reed, Donner Party

    Lifetime NRA member

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