The Birth Order Of Children

The Birth Order Of Children

This is a discussion on The Birth Order Of Children within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; THE BIRTH ORDER OF CHILDREN Your Clothes: 1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy. 2nd baby: You ...

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  1. #1
    Distinguished Member Array 4my sons's Avatar
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    The Birth Order Of Children

    THE BIRTH ORDER OF CHILDREN


    Your Clothes:
    1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms

    your pregnancy.
    2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.
    3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes. __________________________________________________ ____
    Preparing for the Birth:
    1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.
    2nd baby: You don't bother because you remember that last time, breathing

    didn't do a thing.
    3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your eighth month.
    __________________________________________________ ____
    The Layette:
    1st baby: You pre-wash newborn's clothes, color-coordinate them, and fold them

    neatly in the baby's little bureau.
    2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the

    ones with the darkest stains.
    3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can't they?
    __________________________________________________ ____
    Worries:
    1st baby: At the first sign of distress-a whimper, a frown-you pick up the baby.
    2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your firstborn.
    3rd baby: You teach your three-year-old how to rewind the mechanical swing..
    __________________________________________________ __
    Pacifier:
    1st baby: If the pacifier falls on the floor, you put it away until you can go

    home and wash and boil it.
    2nd baby: When the pacifier falls on the floor, you squirt it off with some

    juice from the baby's bottle.
    3rd baby: You wipe it off on your shirt and pop it back in.
    __________________________________________________ ____
    Diapering:
    1st baby: You change your baby's diapers every hour, whether they need it or not.
    2nd baby: You change their diaper every two to three hours, if needed.
    3rd baby: You try to change their diaper before others start to complain

    about the smell or you see it sagging to their knees.
    __________________________________________________ ____
    Activities:
    1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, and Baby Story Hour.
    2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.
    3rd ba by: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaner.
    __________________________________________________ ____
    Going Out:
    1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home five times.
    2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number

    where you can be reached.
    3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood.
    __________________________________________________ ____
    At Home:
    1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.
    2nd baby: You spend a bit of everyday watching to be sure your older child

    isn't squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.
    3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children.
    ------------------------ -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Swallowing Coins (a favorite):
    1st child: When first child swallows a coin, you rush the child to the hospital

    and demand x-rays.
    2nd child: When second child swallows a coin, you carefully watch for the coin to pass.
    3rd child: When third child swallows a coin you deduct it from his allowance!
    "fundamental principle of American law that a government and its agents are under no general duty to provide public services, such as police protection, to any individual citizen." [Warren v. District of Columbia,(D.C. Ct. of Ap., 1981)]
    If I have to explain it, you wouldn't understand


  2. #2
    Senior Member Array AirForceShooter's Avatar
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    That about covers it.

    AFS
    Gun control is hitting what you aim at

  3. #3
    Senior Member Array cmidkiff's Avatar
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    :)
    I have 4...
    Liberty is an inherently offensive lifestyle. Living in a free society guarantees that each one of us will see our most cherished principles and beliefs questioned and in some cases mocked. It's worth it.

  4. #4
    Distinguished Member Array randytulsa2's Avatar
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    Pretty much the way it is.

    You have obviously been there, and I recognize it like only someone else who has been there could recognize it.

  5. #5
    pax
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    Senior Member Array pax's Avatar
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    Funny!

    From the kids' perspective: the first one thinks of it, the second one does it, and the third one gets blamed for it.

    pax
    Kathy Jackson
    My website: Cornered Cat

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    Senior Member Array palmgopher's Avatar
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    that is so funny and true it is amazing

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    VIP Member Array PatrioticRick's Avatar
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    How true it is
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    VIP Member Array artz's Avatar
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    cute.... I'll remember that if I ever have kids.

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    Member Array MSGTTBAR's Avatar
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    I'm gonna be a grandpa sometime during the 1st week of Nov. so I sent it to my Daughter.
    Life is too short to be serious!

  10. #10
    VIP Member Array Old Chief's Avatar
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    I remember it well.
    One should never confuse good fortune with good training.
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    In God we trust.

  11. #11
    Senior Member Array CombatEffective's Avatar
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    I'm the youngest of four. I shudder to think what the list would be like if it went to fourth child. :)

    As the father of one daughter, I sometimes ask my parents how they did this four times. My mother says that after you get past two it really doesn't matter how many you have because you have lost all control at that point and will never be able to get anything done anyway.
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  12. #12
    VIP Member Array KenpoTex's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by pax View Post
    Funny!

    From the kids' perspective: the first one thinks of it, the second one does it, and the third one gets blamed for it.

    pax
    Bull S***!!! as the oldest, I can say that the first one gets blamed no matter who does it. (granted...I probably deserved it most of the times I got in trouble )
    "Being a predator isn't always comfortable but the only other option is to be prey. That is not an acceptable option." ~Phil Messina

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    Matt K.

  13. #13
    Distinguished Member Array randytulsa2's Avatar
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    HeHeHeHeHe....

    I kind of agree with KenpoTex....

    I was the youngest and I could ALWAYS arrange it to get my older brother in trouble if it was something involving the two of us. Always. I practiced it. I revelled in it. I enjoyed thinking it through ahead of time. I often planned it out...in legal terms I premeditated it.

    And it was always great, great fun to start trouble and then skate by while he got nailed.

    And he still talks to me today!

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