October 26th, 2006 08:57 AM
The Birth Order Of Children
THE BIRTH ORDER OF CHILDREN
1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms
2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.
3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes. __________________________________________________ ____
Preparing for the Birth:
1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.
2nd baby: You don't bother because you remember that last time, breathing
didn't do a thing.
3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your eighth month.
1st baby: You pre-wash newborn's clothes, color-coordinate them, and fold them
neatly in the baby's little bureau.
2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the
ones with the darkest stains.
3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can't they?
1st baby: At the first sign of distress-a whimper, a frown-you pick up the baby.
2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your firstborn.
3rd baby: You teach your three-year-old how to rewind the mechanical swing..
1st baby: If the pacifier falls on the floor, you put it away until you can go
home and wash and boil it.
2nd baby: When the pacifier falls on the floor, you squirt it off with some
juice from the baby's bottle.
3rd baby: You wipe it off on your shirt and pop it back in.
1st baby: You change your baby's diapers every hour, whether they need it or not.
2nd baby: You change their diaper every two to three hours, if needed.
3rd baby: You try to change their diaper before others start to complain
about the smell or you see it sagging to their knees.
1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, and Baby Story Hour.
2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.
3rd ba by: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaner.
1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home five times.
2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number
where you can be reached.
3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood.
1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.
2nd baby: You spend a bit of everyday watching to be sure your older child
isn't squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.
3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children.
Swallowing Coins (a favorite):
1st child: When first child swallows a coin, you rush the child to the hospital
and demand x-rays.
2nd child: When second child swallows a coin, you carefully watch for the coin to pass.
3rd child: When third child swallows a coin you deduct it from his allowance!
"fundamental principle of American law that a government and its agents are under no general duty to provide public services, such as police protection, to any individual citizen." [Warren v. District of Columbia,(D.C. Ct. of Ap., 1981)]
If I have to explain it, you wouldn't understand
October 26th, 2006 09:33 AM
That about covers it.
Gun control is hitting what you aim at
October 26th, 2006 09:35 AM
Liberty is an inherently offensive lifestyle. Living in a free society guarantees that each one of us will see our most cherished principles and beliefs questioned and in some cases mocked. It's worth it.
October 26th, 2006 09:59 AM
Pretty much the way it is.
You have obviously been there, and I recognize it like only someone else who has been there could recognize it.
October 26th, 2006 10:36 AM
From the kids' perspective: the first one thinks of it, the second one does it, and the third one gets blamed for it.
October 27th, 2006 12:00 AM
that is so funny and true it is amazing
October 27th, 2006 06:08 AM
How true it is
USN 78-82/USAF 82-93 Medically Retired
Desert Shield/Desert Storm
DAV Life Member
NRA Life Member
October 27th, 2006 06:50 AM
cute.... I'll remember that if I ever have kids.
October 27th, 2006 08:59 AM
I'm gonna be a grandpa sometime during the 1st week of Nov. so I sent it to my Daughter.
Life is too short to be serious!
October 27th, 2006 10:22 AM
One should never confuse good fortune with good training.
Illegitimus Non Carborundum.
In God we trust.
October 27th, 2006 10:28 AM
I'm the youngest of four. I shudder to think what the list would be like if it went to fourth child. :)
As the father of one daughter, I sometimes ask my parents how they did this four times. My mother says that after you get past two it really doesn't matter how many you have because you have lost all control at that point and will never be able to get anything done anyway.
October 27th, 2006 07:13 PM
Bull S***!!! as the oldest, I can say that the first one gets blamed no matter who does it. (granted...I probably deserved it most of the times I got in trouble )
Originally Posted by pax
"Being a predator isn't always comfortable but the only other option is to be prey. That is not an acceptable option." ~Phil Messina
If you carry in Condition 3, you have two empty chambers. One in the weapon...the other between your ears.
October 27th, 2006 07:28 PM
I kind of agree with KenpoTex....
I was the youngest and I could ALWAYS arrange it to get my older brother in trouble if it was something involving the two of us. Always. I practiced it. I revelled in it. I enjoyed thinking it through ahead of time. I often planned it out...in legal terms I premeditated it.
And it was always great, great fun to start trouble and then skate by while he got nailed.
And he still talks to me today!
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