Illinois vs. Texas

Illinois vs. Texas

This is a discussion on Illinois vs. Texas within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; Illinois: The Governor of Illinois is jogging with his dog along a nature trail. A coyote jumps out and attacks the Governor's dog, then bites ...

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Thread: Illinois vs. Texas

  1. #1
    VIP Member Array ExactlyMyPoint's Avatar
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    Illinois vs. Texas


    The Governor of Illinois is jogging with his dog along a nature
    trail. A coyote jumps out and attacks the Governor's dog, then bites
    the Governor.

    1. The Governor starts to intervene, but reflects upon the movie
    "Bambi" and then realizes he should stop because the coyote is
    only doing what is natural.

    2. He calls animal control .. Animal Control captures the coyote
    and bills the State $200 testing it for diseases and $500 for
    relocating it.

    3. He calls a veterinarian. The vet collects the dead dog and
    bills the State $200 testing it for diseases.

    4. The Governor goes to hospital and spends $3,500 getting checked
    for diseases from the coyote and on getting his bite wound

    5. The running trail gets shut down for 6 months while Fish & Game
    conducts a $100,000 survey to make sure the area is now free of
    dangerous animals.

    6. The Governor spends $50,000 in state funds implementing a
    "coyote awareness program" for residents of the area.

    7. The State Legislature spends $2 million to study how to better
    treat rabies and how to permanently eradicate the disease throughout
    the world.

    8. The Governor's security agent is fired for not stopping the
    attack. The State spends $150,000 to hire and train a new agent
    with additional special training re: the nature of coyotes.

    9. PETA protests the coyote's relocation and files a $5 million
    suit against the State.


    The Governor of Texas is jogging with his dog along a nature
    trail. A Coyote jumps out and attacks the dog.

    1. The Governor shoots the coyote with his concealed carry pistol
    and keeps jogging. The Governor has spent $0.50 on a .45 ACP
    hollow point cartridge.

    2. The Crows eat the dead coyote.

    And that, my friends, is why Illinois is broke and Texas is not.
    Goat_Guy, Bacon, Spade115 and 6 others like this.
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  2. #2
    Member Array Goat_Guy's Avatar
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    All too true. You made my day, man.
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  3. #3
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    You forgot to mention how many IL. politicians are in prison ( or should be) vs Texas. Jesse Jackass Jr soon to be along with his wife. Maybe they can share a cell with Blago
    JoJoGunn likes this.
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  4. #4
    Distinguished Member Array phreddy's Avatar
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    Wasn't it a 380?

  5. #5
    VIP Member Array OldVet's Avatar
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    Hiding inside a bottle of Jim Beam Black in S. FL.
    Yeah, but...

    And don't forget the Texas Gov telling PETA to be out of town by sundown.
    Retired USAF E-8. Curmudgeon at large.
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  6. #6
    Senior Member Array DocT65's Avatar
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    I agree 100%. I'm afraid I'd have to leave the country before I could move to IL (or a few other states for that matter).
    "Better to be judged by 12 than carried by 6"

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  7. #7
    VIP Member Array ANGLICO's Avatar
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    I'm the guy next door that is polite, but does not tell you crap.
    My god, I'd hate to have someone run down the math on $,$$$,$$$,$$$s if this had been a D.C. to Texas comparison! Illonois is small fry compared to D.C. But, apparently, that is where D.C. is currently getting its spending justification math instructions.
    Socialism Kills! Time proven, with a very large body count! We are a Constitutional Republic....... not a Democracy, get it correct!

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  8. #8
    VIP Member Array JoJoGunn's Avatar
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    West Virginia
    Your story is funny!

    My wife however is from Springfield, IL and this "scenario" would be restricted to Cook Co. and the City of Chicago.

    In the rest of the state, they'd probably act like Texans and shoot the Coyote.
    "A Smith & Wesson always beats 4 aces!"

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  9. #9
    VIP Member Array shadowwalker's Avatar
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    Well I heard rabid yotes won't go to D.C. because there is no food value there and nothing worth chasing

  10. #10
    Senior Member Array nontechguy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by shadowwalker View Post
    Well I heard rabid yotes won't go to D.C. because there is no food value there and nothing worth chasing
    And I thought it was professional courtesy.
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