Congress jokes. Or, rather, jokes about Congress

This is a discussion on Congress jokes. Or, rather, jokes about Congress within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; Let's have some fun. Actual jokes/punchlines you've heard or read, regarding our "noble" body of temporarily-elected staff in the great swamp over yonder. The wise ...

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    VIP Member Array ccw9mm's Avatar
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    Talking Congress jokes. Or, rather, jokes about Congress

    Let's have some fun. Actual jokes/punchlines you've heard or read, regarding our "noble" body of temporarily-elected staff in the great swamp over yonder.


    The wise Jerry Seinfeld once said: "A two-year old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it."

    Similarly: "A senator is kind of like having a rototiller, but you opt to run it on 110-octane jet fuel and no blade guards." - ccw9mm



    Please: political pontificating left out; let's keep this one centered on actual jokes. Hopefully we can keep this apolitical, and squeaky clean. (May it please the gods, let it be so. )
    Your best weapon is your brain. Don't leave home without it.
    Thoughts: Justifiable self defense (A.O.J.).
    Explain: How does disarming victims reduce the number of victims?
    Reason over Force: The Gun is Civilization (Marko Kloos).
    NRA, GOA, OFF, ACLDN.

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    I haven't found much about Congress to be funny.
    rutcrazed, msgt/ret and atctimmy like this.
    Retired USAF E-8. Remember: You're being watched!
    Paranoia strikes deep, into your heart it will creep. It starts when you're always afraid... "For What It's Worth" Buffalo Springfield

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    VIP Member Array ccw9mm's Avatar
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    Nor have I.

    Hence the jokes. Make 'em as scathing, satirical or downright true as you want.
    Your best weapon is your brain. Don't leave home without it.
    Thoughts: Justifiable self defense (A.O.J.).
    Explain: How does disarming victims reduce the number of victims?
    Reason over Force: The Gun is Civilization (Marko Kloos).
    NRA, GOA, OFF, ACLDN.

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    VIP Member Array NONAME762's Avatar
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    When I can think of something kind to say about the Congress I'll let y'all know.

    Don't hold your breath. It will be a long wait.
    Firing a suppressed is on my Bucket List.

    I'm just a spoke in the wheel but not a big deal.

    America...a Constitutional Republic. NOT a democracy as the liberals would have us believe.

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    Member Array Ford's Avatar
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    A driver is stuck in a traffic jam on the highway. Nothing is moving. Suddenly, a man knocks on the window. The driver rolls down the window and asks, "What's going on?"

    The man replied; " Terrorists have kidnapped Congress and are asking for a $10M ransom, otherwise, they will douse them all in gasoline and set them on fire. We are going from car to car taking up a collection"

    Driver asked; " How much is everyone giving on average?

    The man replied; "About a gallon!"

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    VIP Member Array chiefjason's Avatar
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    If pro is the opposite of con, is progress the opposite of congress?
    I prefer to live dangerously free than safely caged!

    "Our houses are protected by the good Lord and a gun. And you might meet 'em both if you show up here not welcome son." Josh Thompson "Way Out Here"

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    Obama, Feinstein and Boehner walk into a bar together. The bartender says, "What is this, some kind of a joke?"

    Best I can do with that crew.
    pittypat21 likes this.
    Retired USAF E-8. Remember: You're being watched!
    Paranoia strikes deep, into your heart it will creep. It starts when you're always afraid... "For What It's Worth" Buffalo Springfield

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    VIP Member Array JoJoGunn's Avatar
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    A Preacher had a young son about to graduate from High School and to test to see what the boy might want to do the father put a Bible, dollar bill, Playboy magazine and a fifth of whiskey on the table next to the kid's bed and then the dad hid in the closet to see what happens.

    The boy came home and saw all those things. He picked up the Bible. The Preacher peeking out from the closet saw this and thought "He's going to be a Minister, like me!"

    The boy tossed the Bible on the bed and picked up the dollar bill. The dad thought, "Oh, he might be a banker or go into finance!"

    Stuffing the dollar into his pocket, the boy picks up the fifth of whiskey, breaks the seal and takes a long hard swig as he picks up the Playboy magazine and has the center fold come dropping out.

    Smacking his palm to his head the dad muttered "Oh, crap! That boy is going to be a Congressman!"
    "A Smith & Wesson always beats 4 aces!"

    The Man Prayer. "Im a man, I can change, if I have to.....I guess!" ~ Red Green

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    Member Array John_W_in_SC's Avatar
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    Late one night in the Washington D.C. a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped into the path of a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs.

    "Give me your money," he demanded.

    Indignant, the affluent man replied, "You can't do this - I'm a US Congressman!"

    "In that case," replied the robber, "give me MY money!"

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    Member Array Steve666's Avatar
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    The biggest Congress joke is Congress itself!!!
    JoJoGunn, msgt/ret and atctimmy like this.
    Steve
    An armed society is a polite society

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    Will Rogers summed it up rather well "I don’t make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts".
    JoJoGunn likes this.
    When you have to shoot, shoot. Don't talk.
    "Don't forget, incoming fire has the right of way."

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    VIP Member Array NONAME762's Avatar
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    A bus filled to maximum passengers full of Congressmen bursts through a guard rail 2000 feet above the valley floor. What do you have? A good start.
    DontTreadOnI likes this.
    Firing a suppressed is on my Bucket List.

    I'm just a spoke in the wheel but not a big deal.

    America...a Constitutional Republic. NOT a democracy as the liberals would have us believe.

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    VIP Member Array ghost tracker's Avatar
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    "Congressmen & diapers should be changed regularly, for exactly the...same reason".
    Mark Twain
    There are only TWO kinds of people in this world; those who describe the world as filled with two kinds of people...and those who don't.

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    Distinguished Member Array Doghandler's Avatar
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    What happens in Congress is fish bate or an intractable light on the fairing on humanity.

    It's a tough call and always has been.

    What do you call a Congress that is too lazy and stupid to stand up to the Court and to the President?

    ... drum roll...

    Congress.
    There is a solution but we are not Jedi... not yet.
    Doghandler

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    VIP Member Array ghost tracker's Avatar
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    What is "fish bate" & that other "intractable" thing?
    There are only TWO kinds of people in this world; those who describe the world as filled with two kinds of people...and those who don't.

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