30 wife acceptable reasons to buy a handgun; 31 if you count Zombies

This is a discussion on 30 wife acceptable reasons to buy a handgun; 31 if you count Zombies within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; Need to buy -–fill in the blank—- gun before they ban it. They are still trying to, you know. Need a large capacity gun with ...

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Thread: 30 wife acceptable reasons to buy a handgun; 31 if you count Zombies

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    30 wife acceptable reasons to buy a handgun; 31 if you count Zombies

    1. Need to buy -–fill in the blank—- gun before they ban it. They are still trying to, you know.
    2. Need a large capacity gun with a rail for home defense to protect you with. Need a light on the gun so I do not shoot you by mistake.
    3. Need more of the above for each room we spend a lot of time in so that in case of a home invasion there is a gun nearby unless you want me to keep a loaded gun on the coffee table while we watch TV. Never know when I will have a Vietnam flashback.
    4. Need a big caliber gun because we occasionally have black bears and coyotes in the area that may eat your precious dogs.
    5. Need a small gun to carry in my pocket when belt carry is not comfortable or practical so when we are out dancing you do not put your arm around me and grab my gun by accident and get startled.
    6. Need a pocket gun with night sights for when we go out at night in case someone is lurking by our car in the lot. Hard to see with you walking in front of me and want to make sure I can put the sights where they belong.
    7. Need a larger gun with night sights for when we go out at night in the city so that I do not accidentally shoot innocent bystanders.
    8. Need a .22 so that we can save money by shooting cheap ammo. You know, like when you come home and tell me you saved $100 by spending $200.
    9. Need a pocket gun in a larger caliber for those times when we go to the big city and run into those large-sized bad guys.
    10. Need another pocket gun so I can carry two when needed because those small guns tend to jam a lot.
    11. Need to buy this gun because they are hard to get and will go up in value so it is an investment in our future.
    12. Need a pocket revolver for when my arthritis is acting up and I cannot rack a slide.
    13. Need a big revolver to carry on my belt for when my arthritis is acting up and I cannot rack a slide.
    14. Need a revolver for home defense for when my arthritis is acting up.
    15. Need a gun designed for target shooting so that I can spend more time out of the house and your hair.
    16. Need a special gun for competition so that I have a fighting chance to win some big prize money.
    17. Need a gun for a different type of competition to double my chances of wining that big prize money.
    18. Need different guns to shoot in different classes in the above competitions to even further my chances to win that big prize money.
    19. Need this gun because it is the gun that James Bond uses and you know how you love James Bond movies.
    20. Need a gun that you can also shoot in case we need to fight together. You can clear the house while I get the shotgun.
    21. Need a dedicated car gun that will shoot through glass and metal and is will not make us deaf if shot in the car.
    22. Need a gun with a threaded barrel so I can put a silencer on it and save my hearing so that I no longer will misunderstand what you said.
    23. Need a cowboy gun to round out my collection of guns and is like the toy on I played with as a child. Brings back fond memories.
    24. Need a 1911 to remind me of the one I carried in Vietnam. You know, that time I risked death so that you could go to the mall and movies while I was rotting in a jungle.
    25. Need a Sig as they are the top of the line and carried by our Special Forces and it is my birthday and I served in the Army and deserve one.
    26. Need a Colt pistol because it reminds me of the first Colt we bought when we first got married. Reminds me of when I first started protecting the love of my life.
    27. Need a very small gun for when I am riding my bike. Not much room in those bike shorts you know. Don’t want to give other woman the wrong idea.
    28. Need a gun that I can swap out barrels to change calibers so that I can get two guns in one and save us money.
    29. Need a gun that can use several calibers of ammo (like a .357 or .327) so that I do not have to buy a gun for each caliber which saves us money.
    30. Need a gun just because I want one and it will make me happy and I just bought you a new car.
    31. Need a lot of guns for Zombies. You know how stupid you think I am now; imagine me after the Zombies eat my brain.


    Just had a great idea for reason #32. I need more guns so that I can review them for my blog. Yeah, that should work.

    The worst thing about growing old is that other men no longer see you as dangerous.

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    Distinguished Member Array technomonster's Avatar
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    wife? whats that? do i need one? where can i get one? which model/caliber do you recommend?
    ZOMBIEvs42 and goldshellback like this.
    “Show me a young Conservative and I'll show you someone with no heart. Show me an old Liberal and I'll show you someone with no brains.” Winston Churchill

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    Distinguished Member Array Nmuskier's Avatar
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    I've already used 1,2,4,5,6,7,8,9,11,12,15,16,17,18,19 (PPS ), 20,21,27,28,29
    Thanks, I thought I was out of excuses!

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    This is not the full article on my blog so you missed the part about re-using the reasons because by the time you go through them all your wife would have forgotten about the first ones. :)
    Nmuskier likes this.
    The worst thing about growing old is that other men no longer see you as dangerous.

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    Member Array ZOMBIEvs42's Avatar
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    33. need to buy a TRG-42 in 338 with a luepold vx4 because i would rather kill the bad guys before they could get close enough to hurt you.
    weekend pre-apocolypse nomadic warrior, leather duster and all.

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    I can relate to #8. What wife could argue with #24. #27 just made me laugh!

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    VIP Member Array sixgun's Avatar
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    Let me know if you find #21. Id like to get me one o those. Nice list I think I might have used a couple o those in the past.

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    VIP Member Array NONAME762's Avatar
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    I can relate to reasons 12, 13 and 14.



    Quote Originally Posted by technomonster View Post
    wife? whats that? do i need one? where can i get one? which model/caliber do you recommend?
    I would recommend the models coming out of Japan. Cute, well groomed, well mannered, good cook. Basically the Betty Crocker of Asia. Most have a tendency to squeak when they are happy... like a squeak toy?
    Firing a suppressed is on my Bucket List.

    I'm just a spoke in the wheel but not a big deal.

    America...a Constitutional Republic. NOT a democracy as the liberals would have us believe.

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