This is a discussion on A little help from my friends within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir." The driver says, "Gee, officer ...
A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, I
clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir."
The driver says, "Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at
60 perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating.
Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: "Now don't be
silly dear, you know that this car doesn't have cruise control"
As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his
wife and growls, "Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once?"
The wife smiles demurely and says, "You should be thankful your
radar detector went off when it did"
As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar
detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through
clenched teeth, "Darn it, woman, can't you keep your mouth shut?"
The officer frowns and says, "And I notice that you're not wearing
your seat belt, sir. That's an automatic $75 fine."
The driver says, "Yeah, well, you see officer, I had it on,
but took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of
my back pocket."
The wife says, "Now, dear, you know very well that you didn't
have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving."
And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket the
driver turns to his wife and barks, "WHY DON'T YOU PLEASE SHUT UP??"
The officer looks over at the woman and asks, "Does your husband
always talk to you this way, Ma'am?"
I love this part....
"Only when he's been drinking."
The top 20 things not to say to a cop when he pulls you over.
20. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.
19. Sorry officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
18. Aren't you the guy from the villiage people?
17. Hey, you must have been doing 125 to keep up with me, good job.
16. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical shape to be a police officer.
15. I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.
14. Bad cop. No donut.
13. You're not going to check the trunk, are you?
12. Gee, that gut sure doesn't inspire confidence.
11. Didn't I see you get your butt kicked on cops?
10. Is it true that people become cops because they are too dumb to work at McDonalds?
9. I pay your salary
8. So uh, you on the take or what?
7. Gee officer, that's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning.
6. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.
5. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there is no other cars around, that's how far they are ahead of me.
4. What do you mean have I been drinking? You are the trained specialist.
3. Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off of my lap and got lodged between the brake and the gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control.
2. Hey, is that a 9mm? That's nothing compared to this 44 magnum.
1. Hey, can you give me another one of those full cavity searches?