The Wal-Mart husband

The Wal-Mart husband

This is a discussion on The Wal-Mart husband within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; Probably not new, but was to me - Did you ever wonder what a husband does while he is in a store waiting on his ...

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Thread: The Wal-Mart husband

  1. #1
    VIP Member (Retired Staff) Array P95Carry's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    South West PA

    Talking The Wal-Mart husband

    Probably not new, but was to me -

    Did you ever wonder what a husband does while he is in a store waiting on
    his wife to shop?

    Dear Mrs. Fenton,

    Wal-Mart is considering banning your family from ever shopping with us again, unless your husband stops his antics. Below is a list of offenses over the past few months...all verified by our surveillance cameras.

    1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's
    carts when they weren't looking.

    2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in House wares to go off at 5-minute

    3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the

    4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, Code
    3' in House wares!".....and watched what happened.

    5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&M's on
    lay away.

    6. September 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

    7. September 15: Set up a camping tent in the sporting goods department,
    and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they'll bring pillows from
    the Bedding department.

    8. September 23: When a clerk asks if they can help him, he begins to cry
    and asks "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

    9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror,
    and picked his nose.

    10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, asked the
    clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.

    11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously loudly humming the
    "Mission Impossible" theme.

    12. December 6: In the auto department, practiced his "Madonna look" using
    different size funnels.

    13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through,
    yelled "PICK ME!, PICK ME!"

    14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumes
    the fetal position and screams "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!"

    ....and; last, but not least

    15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door and waited a while;
    then, yelled, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"
    Chris - P95
    NRA Certified Instructor & NRA Life Member.

    "To own a gun and assume that you are armed
    is like owning a piano and assuming that you are a musician!." - a portal for 2A links, articles and some videos.

  2. #2
    Senior Member Array madmike's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Spring Hill, FL

    I can't wait for the wife to ask me to go shopping with her again!

    Political Correctness has now "evolved" into Political Cowardice.

  3. #3
    Lead Moderator
    Array rstickle's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    Laurel, MD
    Personally, I think he sounds like a fun guy! Some people just have no sense of humor!

    EOD - Initial success or total failure

  4. #4
    Senior Member Array Wayne's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Eugene, OR
    I got kicked out of a Toys R Us a couple of years back.

    It seems that the display models ARE NOT put there to play with but to decided whether you wanted to purchase an item or not.

    Also found out that night that I had un-learned everything I knew about riding a skate board except for the falling down part.


  5. #5
    Senior Member Array purple88yj's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Piedmont Triad, NC
    Another person that has been kicked out of Toys-R-Us. Now I don't feel so alone.

    A buddy of mine and I were kicked out of every Toys-R-Us in southern CA when we served together.

    One place we knocked one of the overhead isle signs loose throwing a Nerf football.

    Another we were asked to leave after taking the ride-on cars for a test drive.

    The one that we were told that the other stores would be informed and to not even bother going was the really good one. My buddy, who was 6'04" and bald as a baby's behind and I got a hold of a couple of suction cup guns and had some "tactical warfare training". Oddly, bald headed toy store managers don't seem to have much humor when a suction cup dart is sticking to the back of their head.

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