You Might Be a Gun Nut If...
This is probably old, but I thought I would chance posting it and getting yelled at anyway:
You Might Be a Gun Nut If...
...you ever seriously thought about dabbing on a little Hoppe's #9
before going out on a date.
...you buy some checkering tools, you checker all your gun stocks, and
then start on the bedposts.
...you cannot recall how many firearms you own.
...you buy a gun that's just like that other gun you have except the
barrel is 1/2" shorter (or longer).
...you buy a gun at a shop only to find out you used to own it a
couple of years ago.
...you know 12 different names for one caliber of cartridge.
...you ever clean a gun that hasn't been shot in the week since you
cleaned it last.
...you consider naming your unborn child Winchester or Remington.
...you purchased two Glocks and two Sigs just to see which brand was
...your drive to work is filled with reverie about why Ed's Red
...you strip all the paint off our car and refinish it with cold blue.
...you ever bought ammo in a caliber for which you have no gun,
because you thought some day you MIGHT get a gun in that caliber.
...your collection of American Rifleman back issues, Gun Digests and
reloading manuals cost you a premium the last time you moved.
...you have more than one gun that "kills on both ends."
...you buy high capacity magazines for a gun you have not bought yet.
...you take your guns out of the safe each night and handle them, just
so you can wipe them off before putting them away.
...your mother-in-law asks what new gun junk you want for Christmas
...you see TV footage of the war in Bosnia and wish you were there to
pick up the brass.
...you drive 300 miles just to ogle (and fire) HK-MP5s (and Stens,
Uzis, BMGs and whatever else shows up at Knob Creek).
...you keep a loaded gun hidden in every room in the house, including
the bathroom and kitchen, "just in case," and then keep one on you at
all times just in case someone breaks in while you're in the hallway.
...you consider it unpatriotic not to own at least one .45 and one
...you named your pocket pistol "Little Guy" and your 12 gauge "Big
...you own reloading dies for calibers that you do not shoot.
...you tape American Shooter so you can pause, reverse and fast
forward to do a complete analysis of the show.
...you understand Smith & Wesson's model numbers.
...you ever bought two brands of the same weight and type of bullet,
just to see if one "shot better."
...you keep a collection of different cartridges at your place of work
as a "conversation piece."
...you take your wife on vacation to a gun show for your 10th
Anniversary and she is as excited to go as you are.
...you ever had to explain, "It's NOT the same gun, it's a variation!"
...you and your new father-in-law go to a gun show on your wedding
...you have life memberships in more than one shooting organization.
...you read that "Brady II" would outlaw possession of more than 1,000
rounds of ammunition and think, "I have more than that rolling around
loose in the trunk of my car!"
...watching The Lion King gives you the itch for a .470 Nitro Express.
... while watching the movie Terminator 2, you have to leave the room
in tears and mournful sobs after Arnold Schwartzenneger throws the
CAR-16 off the moving tractor trailer and it goes bouncing away.
...you go to three different gun shows within a month and you're
excited every single time.
...your guns are cleaner than your residence.
...you have 5 different guns being DROS'd at 3 different FFL dealers.
...you plunked down a $130 deposit on a Seecamp after waiting two
years for them to accept your order, and are still willing to wait
another two years for them to make your pistol.
...your mom gives you a new Springfield Armory .308 sniper rifle for
...four local gun shops know you by name.
...you have your own BATF agent (mounted any suitable way).
...you're friends with 90% of the employee's at all the local gun
...you identify the gun on the cover of Dillons Blue Press before you
even notice the girl.
...when you stop in at the local gun shop, they ask you questions
like: "How was work?" "How are the wife and kids?" "We're gonna order
some food, ya want in?" etc.
...you have more gunpowder stashed in your home than your local
sporting goods store has on hand.
...you can wallpaper your house with old issues of Shotgun News, Gun
List, Guns & Ammo, etc.
...all of your children are life members of the NRA.
...your children are named "Ogive" and "Meplat."
...if you make $30 per hour at work, but spend 30 minutes on your
knees at the range looking for that last piece of .40 S&W brass.
...you have Brownells on speed dial.
...you trimmed down 100 10mm cases to form .357 Sig brass before
commercial supplies of this brass were available.
...the custom door lock pulls on your Jeep are .223 Rem cases and the
gear shift knob is a .50 BMG.
...your girl friend thinks that aura of Hoppes #9 is your favorite
...you have guns in your safe that you can't, for the life of you,
remember how you came by.
...Your cat is named Mauser and your dog is Luger.
...Your computer pass words are gun related.
...Your local gunsmith calls you for obsolete parts.
...You have an open account with Federal, Hornady, Cor-Bon, Winchester
...You call Brownells and they know your voice.
...Your personalized license plate is 3006 AP, Glock, or MAG-58.
...You read to your kids from GUN DIGEST at bed time.
...Your gun magazine subscriptions don't run out until 2015.
...You clean out your trunk and find 1000 rounds of ammo you forgot
...You kids know every fast food place around gunshops and ranges
within 100 miles of home.
...Your kids cried watching BAMBI when the hunter shot Bambi's mother
because the hunter had filled his tag.
...Your kid thinks the seasons are SMALL GAME and DEER.
...A friend shows up with a pistol that was last made 50 years ago and
only 10 were ever made, and you have the correct holster for it.
...You have more GI ammo cans than the local Army Reserve unit.
...You have more guns than some third-world countries.
...Local SWAT teams come to you for advice.
...You think John Moses Browning's birthday should be a national
...You have 5 pairs of earmuff hearing protectors and shooting glasses
in every lens color ever made.
...Instead of a lamp post in your front yard you have a pepper popper.
...You give your mailman and paper delivery people gift certificates
from a gun shop for Christmas.
...You have reloading presses for every caliber you shoot, so you
don't have to take time to change dies.
...You have a standard order for 5,000 primers every week at the local
...You put in a loading dock at your home so you could buy ammo by the
...Your gun safes cost more than all your furniture.
...You can't put your car in the garage because it is filled with
buckets of wheel weights and lead ingots.
...When you went to the Grand Canyon you were trying to figure the
amount of hold-over you would need to hit the other side.
...You ever shot propane tanks to see 'em burn.
...You ever gave a Browning Superimposed as a wedding gift.
...The FBI asks you to identify firearms they can't.
...You ever missed your wife's birthday to attend a pistol match. (BAD
...You took wife to Europe for a month (see above) and the ammo
companies had to lay off workers.
...The UPS man will not deliver to you unless you have a hand truck.
...You watch movies just to identify the guns used in them.
...Your doorbell does not chime, it plays a burst of machinegun fire.
...You know the range of every tree in the neighborhood.
...All your winter coats are Hunter's Orange.
...You have windchimes made from shell casings.
...All your belts are made by holstermakers.
...You can tell the caliber of an empty cartridge by feel.
...You have COLT and 1911 tatooed on your fingers.
...You buy your holsters in matched sets, just in case.
...All your trousers are let out so you can wear a ITB holster.
...You carry a dummy cartridge for a good luck piece.
...All your key rings have sight adjusting screw drivers attached.
...You found that if you sold all your gun stuff, you could by a Rolls
Royce - - for cash.
...You ever brought a new rifle into the house in an old case so you
could say you just picked it up after being fixed.
...If somebody pointed a magnometer at your house, it would melt down.
...You get Christmas Cards from all the gun and ammo companies.
...You had heavy duty springs installed in you vehicle just so you
could haul your stuff to the range.
...There was a major riot in your city and the cops came to you for
...You have decided you could never move because you could not get
your gun safes out of the basement.
...Your dream home would have a 100 foot indoor range in the basement.
...You own more than 2 cronographs.
...You have 6 pairs of shooting gloves, 5 that have never been worn.
...You have burn scars from hot brass hitting you.
...You take your hat off and hold it over your heart when anybody
mentions Oliver Winchester, Sam Colt, John M. Browning or either of
...Your air fresheners smell like Cordite.
...If somebody says they have a Remington Bronze, you want to know
when they made the cannon and the bore size.
...You gave your son a Winchester M-70 on his first birthday.
...You have a rifle in .458 and you don't hunt big game.
...All the calenders in you house came from gun companies.
...Gun shops call you to see if you are going to order any thing from
Gun Parts or Brownells so you can add their order to yours.
...You have pistol grips off guns that you have not owned for 15
...You get misty-eyed when you sell a gun.
...you tag pages in SGN/GL for later reference.
...you own enough guns to arm everyone on your block.
...you own 4 AR-15's configured EXACTLY the same but by different
manufactures (Colt, Bushmaster, Olympic Arms, Armalite, etc.) just
because you can.
...the last 5 guns you bought are never to be fired.
...when buying a new gun, you plead with your gun shop to keep it
until you have space for it.
...your wife wants to wear black leather so you buy her a carry
...you have Trijicon Night-Lights in your bedroom.
...your mailbox has a Weaver Rail on top.
...you can't figure out why your non-shooting friends laugh when you
...you would like to see Bill Clinton or Barbara Boxer spend even one
hour after midnight at a Washington, D.C.bus-stop without their
...you build a gun rack in your bedroom and it's closer to you than
...you can identify gunshots from far away as to caliber, whether from
a rifle or pistol, brand of gun, grains of powder used, *what* powder
and at what velocity.
...you ever stumbled across a cache of once-fired brass for a caliber
you don't own, but hoarded it anyway.
...your answer to the recent rec.guns newsgroup thread, "How many guns
do you need?" is, "How many do you have room for in your house?"
...you stockpiled thousands of primers during the infamous "Primer
Famine of 1994."
...a friend knows you reload and gives you a set of dies of a caliber
you do not already have, and you go out and buy a gun so you can use
the FREE dies.
...when you do the wash, several spent casings fall out of your
...you go to a gun show and contemplate buying a particular gun for a
half an hour before you remember that you already have that one.
...when you go to the magazine rack, you check the "Guns & Ammo" cover
to see if there are new guns as compared to checking the Playboy cover
to see what it is offering.
...you own more reloading manuals than Bibles.
...you own a BAYONET for a gun you haven't bought yet.
... you buy a gun that is a duplicate of one you already have because
the original one might break someday . . .
...you name your first-born boy MAK90.
... you'd rather have a $10,000 PSG-1 and drive a $600 car, rather
than drive a $10,000 car and have a $600 gun.
...you preach how stupid gun laws/bans are at work when you work in a
predominantly ANTI-gun company.
...you would rather ban alcohol than high-capacity clips/magazines.
...you name your first-born girl LadySmith.
...your kid's disposable diapers come in camo battle packs.
...it bothers you more when 007 runs out of ammo than when the BOND
...your key-ring fob is a converted .50BMG cartridge.
...your driver's license says "must wear night-vision goggles."
...you watch La Femme Nikita just to see the HK MP5s.
..."Miller Time" means plinking at beer cans.
...the highlight of your week is discovering that six .40 S&W
hollowpoints fit perfectly in a plastic 35mm film canister (5 up/1
down in the middle).
...you put a Hogue Grip on your car's parking brake.
...you retrofit a laser sight to your TV remote control.
...it takes you several minutes leafing through "Small Arms of the
World" to find a gun you have never fired.
...you have a callus on your shoulder.
...you've ever sent a scope (that was never dropped) back to Leupold
...factories ask *you* how well their guns hold up.
...Hornady's largest midwestern distributor informs you that you've
bought over half of all the Vector ammo they've ever had in stock.
... you even had the thought, "I wonder what scale little kids Animal
Crackers are, compared to Regulation silhouettes?"
...your standard Sunday afternoon question to guys selling surplus
ammo at gun shows is "How much for all of it, so you don't have to lug
...RCBS asked *you* for load data for the .357 Sig (before it was
...you shoot enough Berdan-primed ammo that you are on a first-name
basis with your local scrap metal dealer.
...upon seeing your 1978 wildcatting project (a .375 on a .50 Sharps
3-1/4" case, 3340 FPS with a 300 Sierra boat tail), Elmer Keith says
...Keith Francis (at JGS, the chambering reamer company), answers your
phone calls "What have you dreamed up *this* time?"
...you own a firearm listed in the Guinness Book of World Records.
...you go to a marriage counselor, he asks you which you like better,
shooting or sex, and you think it's the stupidest question you've ever
...you're in the army reserves, and they can't figure out why every
time they send you out to shoot the M60 with 100 rounds, you return
with a shot-out barrel (it never dawns on them you're bringing your
own ammo . . . ).
...you keep a copy of one of Elmer Keith's books on your coffee table.
...you spend more on ammo each month than on food.
...you list your local FFL dealer as a dependent on your tax return.
...a topless joint with free admission is half a mile away, and
instead you drive 40 miles to the shooting range on a Saturday night.
...you alternate Silvertips and Hydra-Shocks in your magazines because
they look prettier that way.
...you guess range and windage whenever you look at road signs.
...you have more .50 caliber ammo cans than the local U. S. Army
...your gun collection is worth more than your automobile.
...you have to run out to the range this weekend to shoot up some ammo
because you need some brass to reload.
...seeing Bill Clinton's picture automatically sends you into
...you're still reading this inane list.
...you live in that serious part of the country where deer season is a
...you wish you could buy "The Blue Book of Gun Values" in hard cover.
...you watch old WWII movies and can identify all the rifles and
handguns, but can't remember who starred in the movie or what it was
...you consider it a point of honor to buy factory ammo only if you
need the brass.
... when you hear or see the numbers 221 you automatically think
"fireball," 257 you think "Roberts," 218 "Bee," 45-70 "government,"
etc., and can't stop.
... your pickup is subject to search at any given time because, in
your state, empty cartridge cases rolling around the floor are
considered probable cause.
...you read the sports section of the newspaper just for the gun ads.
...you get a flat and realize that you've got 400 pounds of shot, a
Hefty bag each of wads and empty hulls, and enough primers to re-open
the main shaft of the Lost Dutchman on top of your spare tire.
...you wonder what size rings you would need to mount the Hubble Space
Telescope on a varmint rifle.
... .22LR cartridges frequently find their way into your wife's
...your gun safe cost more than your dining room set.
...you work for the military and have more shooting experience than
the guys in uniform you work with.
...your teenage daughter's next date is introduced to you while you're
sitting at the loading bench cleaning your M-1.
...you visit the shooting range more then twice a week.
...your wife says to buy a gun she would like you to sell one first.
...you have ever had your local sporting goods store call your house
and ask, "We are doing a stock order, did you need anything?"
...the checkering pattern of your favorite 1911is permanently
impressed in your palm.
...your bridal registry is at the local gun shop.
...you have more cubic feet of your home devoted to gun-related
materials than clothing.
...you can identify on sight all rifle bolt-faces as in: "That's a
Ruger, that's a Savage, that's a Winchester . . ."
...the largest gun store in your area calls you if they need something
they can't get elsewhere.
...you're a computer specialist and you have more issues of Shotgun
News and Gun List than MacWeek and PCWeek.
...you actually consider buying the camo sexy underwear advertised for
your sweetie in some gun catalogs.
...you bought 7 or more AK-47's just so you could have different ones
from different countries (Bulgarian, Romanian, Russian, Yugoslavian,
Egyptian, Chinese, etc.).
...your phone number, license plate, extension at work, etc. relates
to some kind of bullet caliber . . . ON PURPOSE.
...you have framed targets hanging in your bathroom, hallway, or at
work, etc. with tight groups that you have shot.
...you can read the same issue of SGN/GL/etc. every day until the new
issue comes out.
...You take time to think these things up.
...Surplus ammunition importers call you up to see if there is any
thing you were looking for.
...You ever shot out a 1911 barrel.
...You had a 1911 break down after well over 500,000 rounds and you
thought that it should have kept working.
...You read this stuff and don't think it is either unreasonable or
...You save brass and have a case tumbler and you DON'T reload.
...You wanted the doctor to induce labor on your wife so your kid
would be born before (fill in the match) so you could attend.
...You never go anyplace without at least two pair of earplugs.
...Your five year old can detail strip and reassemble a M-1 Garand.
...You homeschool and use ballistic tables for math lessons.
...Your speedometer is in both MPH and FPS.
...You know the Hatcher RSP factor for all your vehicles at all the
speeds they can reach.
...You can figure out the RSP factor in your head.
...You measure things in MOA.
...You ever left a handfull of cartridges as a tip.
...You ever practiced "air draw", sort of like "air guitar".
...You plink with a .500 Linebaugh.
...You carry a Taurus Raging Bull as a backup and you're a priest.
...You cut out your best groups and carry them in your wallet like
...You ever asked anybody if they wanted to see a photograph of your
pride and joy and you were not speaking about your newborn child but
your latest custom firearm.
...On the day you got married, you were asked "Is this the happiest
day in your life?" and you answered, "No, that was when I shot
...You ever seasoned a steak with FFFFg black powder.
...You homeowners insurance company would cancel your policy if they
ever knew any of the following:
(1) the true value of your firearms
(2) how much ammunition you have stored at home
(3) how much gun powder you have stored
(4) how many primers you have.
...Your brass tumbler is made from a small cement mixer.
...You ever asked Hoppe's if they would sell you their Hoppe's Number
9 in 30-gallon drums.
...You ever put dirty patches in a "delicate" bag so you could run
them thru the washer.
...You always thought "Dirty Harry" was a wimp and did not use enough
...You watch SCI-FI movies and try to figure what they made the blast
...You keep a notebook listing your guns and which safe they should be
...You ever thought you would like to have a rifle made that fired the
.50BMG case blown making a straight walled case.
...You ever wanted to fire one of your rifles and it took you 20
minutes of moving .50 Cal. cans to locate the one containing the
...It took you another 10 minutes moving cans to reach it.
...You know the days your gunmags should arrive in the mail.
...You keep your spare pistol magazines in their own ammo cans,
Browning P-35 mags in this can, S&W 4506 mags in that can, 1911 mags
in those two cans.
...You named your twin sons Win and Chester.
...You have a case of .22 Velodog just in case somebody decides to
chamber a pistol in that caliber again.
...You have ever thought of corning your own black powder.
...You can identify bore solvents by smell. Sweets is the easy one.
...You ever smoked a cigarette with Hoppe's on it.....and did not put
...You have a 5 gallon bucket of spent primers that you are trying to
find a use for.
...You ever got frostbite of the fingers trying to dig the last piece
of brass out of a snow bank.
...You have photographs of your firearms in the same album as your
...You keep track of birthdates, anniversaries by purchase dates of
firearms, "Let's see, I bought the .30-06 Model 70 two weeks before
Bob was born in '87."
...You ever got detained at the airport after the empty cartridges in
your pockets set off the metal detectors.
...You have more fire power than your local armory.
...Your smallest gun safe is larger than your refrigerator - and
...You use your lottery winnings to buy out gun shows --with cash.
...You belive Jesse -The Mind- Ventura would be a GREAT President.
...You might be a gun nut if you discover the reason you cannot fall
asleep at a friend's house is that you do not have your carry gun
within arm's reach. Once this problem is corrected, you fall asleep
within one minute of closing your eyes.
...You might be a gun nut if, during an idle moment at work, you print
out the entire gun nut list and start checking off the ones that apply
to you personally. I am up to twenty-four myself.
...You might be a gun nut if one of your fondest memories is that,
after going to gun shows for years with very little money in your
pocket, you are able to go to a gun show with $1600 -in cash- and
don't intend to leave the show with one penny of it.
...You picked up a holster at a yard sale as a teenager and saved it
for years until you could buy a gun to put in it. Then you did.
...You really DO have a gun or ammunition buried in your back yard.
...You have figured out how to defend your neighborhood with your guns
(and with whom) in case Y2K turns out the lights.
...You got a C&R license and have to track packages on FEDEX's website
so you can leave work early to sign for the packages
...You do this to avoid your wife scrutinizing your packages.
...You might be a gun nut if you have bought one or more guns so your
friends can go shooting with you.
...You give your wife a bottle of RemOil to use as cologne (or lube).
...The thought of mounting a GAU-8A in the bed of your truck excites
...You look at a very small object 150 yards away, and wish you had a
...You've spent more money on ammunition than on your kids.
...You find yourself asking, "Should I buy groceries this week, or get
that BAR that's on sale at Guns-R-Us," and decide that you need to
lose a few pounds anyway.
...All you want for Christmas is a progressive reloader and dies for
every caliber on the planet, including ones that haven't been used for
...You've ever said "They'll take my gun when they pry it from my
cold, dead hands," and meant it.
...The NRA is the beneficiary of your life insurance policy.
...If you have both the civillan and military version of HK's Mark 23
...You keep a gun under the seat of your riding lawn mower
...You are wearing bandoliers under your suit jacket
...You were more excited when you purchased your first gun than when
you purchased your first car.
...You bought a home theatre system just to make the gunfights in
movies sound more realistic
...You have both the blued and nickel plated version of your favorite
...You have bought at least one gun just to "see how it shoots" and
traded it off a month later
...All of your pistols have high capacity mags
...You want to go shooting one day but realize you are out of ammo.
The only ammo all the gun shops in town have is Blazer- You decide to
shoot 18 rounds with your 58 caliber muzzle loader, Big Bertha,
...You have double subscriptions of all your gun magazines- one for
home and one for work
...Your concealed carry weapon varies by your mood
...You were more excited when you got your concealed weapons license
than when you got your drivers license
...You take a part-time job at a local gun shop for the discounts- not
because you need the money
...You have a cut-away view poster for all your guns spread
through-out your house
...You have shot all the guns featured in Tom Clancy's Rainbow Six
...You have an AR-15 in at least three different calibers
...You actually bought that gold plated Desert Eagle you had your eye
...You think Ted Nugent would make a good president
...Have a natural depression in the cheek of your ass from the 9mm
that you carry.
...Wonder how big the crater would be if your house caught fire.
...Explaining to the hospital the plug of meat missing from your foot
when you stepped on that empty casing in the middle of the night.
...Having a screensaver on your computer that shows bullets hitting
...Loading a magnum slug into a shotgun and having a novice shoot
...Counting cartriges loaded into a drum while going to sleep instead
...Automatically counting shots fired in a movie scene and then
replaying to prove it.
...Missing tooth from demostrating how to shoot skeet with a pistol
grip 12 ga.
...Having to cut the callous off of your trigger finger so you can
feel the trigger.
...Using shooting clays as ashtrays.
...Having dishpan hands from using dish soap to clean the reloading
gunk off of your hands so you don't ingest too much lead and loose all
...Get tennis elbow from yanking the handle on your reloader.
...Use cans of ammo in the bed of your truck to get traction.
...Having 1/2 inch plate steel targets that need replaced after using
them only for your 22 cal weapons.
...Having a heart problem and just eating a pinch of gunpowder instead
of the nitro pills the doctor gave you.
...Using spent bullets for fishing weights.
...Spend a night actually counting the number of grains of powder in
one of your reloads.
...Have the wife yell at you that you used all of her finger nail
polish sealing rounds against moisture.
...Made a necklace for your wife out of spent bullets and fishing
...Use loaded rounds for earplugs when there is nothing else to use.
...Have so much bad brass that you melt it down and cast your own copy
of the liberty bell.
...Throw handfuls of used primers under your tires to get traction on
...Wire 6 D cell battries up to the primer alarm on your reloading
press because the 9v battery wears out too soon.
...Use a 55 gallon drum to tumble your brass.
...Have Dillon ask you to test their newest gizmo for its usefull
...Most or all of your clothing has gun logos.
...You have your own firing position at the local range that NO one
else will use.
...You stop shooting sporting clays for six months and the price of
lead drops on the world market due to oversupply.
...You wear your prescription shooting glasses ALL of the time.
...You have withdrawal symptoms after 48 hours if you don't smell
...You make the local police nervous because you always stare at their
...You cried when you learned that the military was dropping the .45,
and were the first in line to purchase the new Beretta.
...You can never remember just how many 28 gauge shotguns you own.
...You passed up a promotion in the Army to remain as the company
...Your daughter wants a BIG wedding and you finance it by "thinning"
your gun collection.
...You read all of the gun mags and actually understand all of the
...The local police ask you for advice on the impending puchase of a
...You take 5 guns to the range, fill your trunk with ammo and
discover upon arival that you forgot ammo for one of them.
...You win stuffed animals at the fair so you can use them for
...You have memorized all your "best" loads, for all your firearms.
...You can identify most powders by sight.
...You weigh your primers, and bullets, and match weights when you
...You can't understand most simple math, but can understand ballistic
...Sweet's 7.62 no longer makes your eyes water.
...You use more ammonia cleaning your guns than your wife uses around
...You are in s*it with your wife for cleaning gun parts in the
...You have to replace the kitchen linoleum because of your last
session on the stove.
...Your wife has banned you from casting bullets, using her stove.
...You recognize the berm at Knob Creek, and you don't even own a
machine gun AND you have never been there!!!
...You read this list and get all kinds of good ideas!
...You use your last 11 pieces of printer paper to print this list to
show your wife.
...Your 7yr old can name at least 6 different 45acp headstamps.
...You put a "cheater bar" on your rock chucker so your kid can size
brass for you.
...You read every one of these looking for the word "cosmoline" and
wonder "Who are these people who don't have guns that came packed in
...Your wife comes home from shopping and KNOWS you have a new gun
from the cosmo sniff test.
...You spend hours each week, over a period of a few years, creating
and maintaining a website that earns nothing but does offer an
opportunity to interact with gun folk!
...You're out plinking cans with your daughter, and she tells you that
for her next birthday you can give her a Lady Smith with her name
engraved on it and the words, "Love Dad"
...You're relaxing at home, thinking about a pistol you haven't shot
in a while, and you have a PANIC ATTACK, because you can't remember
where you've it hidden in the house..!
...You fly the NRA flag on your flagpole along with the good old stars
...You have an SR-3 target taped to your picture window.
...You take so much ammo to the range, the other gun-nuts think you're
excessive. ...same for the number of guns.
...You buy a holster off of ebay because it's a really good price,
even though the holster is left-handed and you are right-handed.
...You practice your quick draw by dry firing at the television and no
one in your family even notices.
...You check GLOCK.com everyday to see if they have updated it their
...Every time you tell your wife you love her she asks what "gun
thing" you are wanting to buy.
...When you sell a gun, you grieve.
...You name the first rifle you ever built after your girlfriend.
...If [at Easter] you paint and hide bullets instead of eggs and
[at Christmastime]...make nativity scenes using pictures of the famous
gun makers (Colt, Browning,..etc)
...You know you are a gun nut when you are the last one to evacuate
your office when the fire bell rings, because you have to collect the
Targets papering your cubicle, then grab the cut-down artillery round
pencil holder, Keiths Gun Notes Vol. I & II, and the notebooks filled
with loading data.
...You've ever cleaned your gun while your wife was in labor, and
handed her your watch so she could time the contractions, cautioning
her NOT to get to three minutes apart before you were done. (#####
notes her husband actually did this! Yes, they're still married.)
...You've ever actually claimed that you deer hunt to save money,
after spending $300 on gear.
...You buy the handgun because it was made in the same factory as two
of your rifles.
...Highlights from your European vaction incle the tour of the Czech
...You take your son to the range only to discover the key to the
trigger lock for the 22 is at home so you let him fire the SKS
...(For gals)You have fashioned earrings made of shell casings.
...(For gals)You carry sight-adjusting tools and gun-cleaning tools in
...Your home page is some gun forum or other.
...Your LEO friends give you carry ammo for your birthday.
...Your apartment manager still doesn't know about the reloader
hard-mounted in the hall closet.
...You can identify handguns on TV at a glance.
...You feel a thrill when yet another LE agency or other has adopted
the Sig Sauer as their weapon of choice.
...The wallpaper on your computer is a photo of your 1911.
...You might be a gun nut if you have bought your wife more than six
guns in a year.
..."The [local] fire department has a stated policy: "If Buddy's house
catches fire we fight it. If it his shop we clear a two block area".