Best Divorce Agreement!

This is a discussion on Best Divorce Agreement! within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; Disclaimer : I found this and the temptation to copy, and then paste it into a thread was too much. My apologies to anyone who ...

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Thread: Best Divorce Agreement!

  1. #1
    VIP Member Array JoJoGunn's Avatar
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    Thumbs up Best Divorce Agreement!

    Disclaimer :

    I found this and the temptation to copy, and then paste it into a thread was too much. My apologies to anyone who may find it "offensive" or political and also to the potential copyright infringement to the author or if it has been posted before...yada, yada, blah, blah....fine print etc, etc.


    Enjoy.


    DIVORCE AGREEMENT

    THIS IS SO INCREDIBLY WELL PUT AND I CAN HARDLY BELIEVE IT'S BY A YOUNG PERSON, A STUDENT!!! WHATEVER HE RUNS FOR, I'LL VOTE FOR HIM.

    Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists,
    Marxists and Obama supporters, et al: We have stuck together since the late 1950's for the sake of the kids, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has clearly run its course.
    Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right for us all, so let's just end it on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way.

    Here is a our separation agreement:

    --Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each taking a similar portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes.

    --We don't like redistributive taxes so you can keep them.
    --You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU.
    --Since you hate guns and war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA and the military.
    --We'll take the nasty, smelly oil industry and the coal mines, and you can go with wind, solar and bio-diesel.
    --You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore and Rosie O'Donnell. You
    are, however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all three of them.
    --We'll keep capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart and Wall Street.
    --You can have your beloved lifelong welfare dwellers, food stamps, homeless, home boys, hippies, druggies and illegal aliens.
    --We'll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO's and rednecks.
    --We'll keep Bill O'Reilly, and Bibles and give you NBC and Hollywood.
    --You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we'll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us.
    --You can have the peaceniks and war protesters. When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we'll help provide them security.
    --We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values.
    --You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism, political correctness and Shirley McClain. You can also have the U.N. but we will no longer be paying the bill.
    --We'll keep the SUV's, pickup trucks and oversized luxury cars.
    You can take every Volt and Leaf you can find.
    --You can give everyone healthcare if you can find any practicing doctors.
    --We'll keep "The Battle Hymn of the Republic" and "The National Anthem."
    --I'm sure you'll be happy to substitute "Imagine", "I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing", "Kum Ba Ya" or "We Are the World".
    --We'll practice trickle-down economics and you can continue to give trickle up poverty your best shot.
    --Since it often so offends you, we'll keep our history, our name
    and our flag.

    Would you agree to this? If so, please pass it along to other like-minded liberal and conservative patriots and if you do not agree,
    just hit delete. In the spirit of friendly parting, I'll bet you might think about which one of us will need whose help in 15 years.

    Sincerely,

    John J. Wall

    Law Student and an American

    P.S. Also, please take Ted Turner, Sean Penn, Martin & Charlie Sheen, Barbara Streisand, Robert Redford, & (Hanoi) Jane Fonda with you.

    P.S.S. And you won't have to press 1 for English when you call our country.
    WHEC724, Tzadik and Jeanlouise like this.
    "A Smith & Wesson always beats 4 aces!"

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  3. #2
    VIP Member Array Rob99VMI04's Avatar
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    That's funny however the wind farms are killing all the EAGLES what are they gonna do? ?Alarming? number of eagles killed by wind farms, new study finds | Fox News
    JoJoGunn likes this.
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  4. #3
    Ex Member Array IndianaSig's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JoJoGunn View Post
    Disclaimer :

    I found this and the temptation to copy, and then paste it into a thread was too much. My apologies to anyone who may find it "offensive" or political and also to the potential copyright infringement to the author or if it has been posted before...yada, yada, blah, blah....fine print etc, etc.


    Enjoy.


    DIVORCE AGREEMENT

    THIS IS SO INCREDIBLY WELL PUT AND I CAN HARDLY BELIEVE IT'S BY A YOUNG PERSON, A STUDENT!!! WHATEVER HE RUNS FOR, I'LL VOTE FOR HIM.

    Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists,
    Marxists and Obama supporters, et al: We have stuck together since the late 1950's for the sake of the kids, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has clearly run its course.
    Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right for us all, so let's just end it on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way.

    Here is a our separation agreement:

    --Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each taking a similar portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes.

    --We don't like redistributive taxes so you can keep them.
    --You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU.
    --Since you hate guns and war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA and the military.
    --We'll take the nasty, smelly oil industry and the coal mines, and you can go with wind, solar and bio-diesel.
    --You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore and Rosie O'Donnell. You
    are, however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all three of them.
    --We'll keep capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart and Wall Street.
    --You can have your beloved lifelong welfare dwellers, food stamps, homeless, home boys, hippies, druggies and illegal aliens.
    --We'll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO's and rednecks.
    --We'll keep Bill O'Reilly, and Bibles and give you NBC and Hollywood.
    --You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we'll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us.
    --You can have the peaceniks and war protesters. When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we'll help provide them security.
    --We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values.
    --You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism, political correctness and Shirley McClain. You can also have the U.N. but we will no longer be paying the bill.
    --We'll keep the SUV's, pickup trucks and oversized luxury cars.
    You can take every Volt and Leaf you can find.
    --You can give everyone healthcare if you can find any practicing doctors.
    --We'll keep "The Battle Hymn of the Republic" and "The National Anthem."
    --I'm sure you'll be happy to substitute "Imagine", "I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing", "Kum Ba Ya" or "We Are the World".
    --We'll practice trickle-down economics and you can continue to give trickle up poverty your best shot. --Since it often so offends you, we'll keep our history, our name
    and our flag.

    Would you agree to this? If so, please pass it along to other like-minded liberal and conservative patriots and if you do not agree,
    just hit delete. In the spirit of friendly parting, I'll bet you might think about which one of us will need whose help in 15 years.

    Sincerely,

    John J. Wall

    Law Student and an American

    P.S. Also, please take Ted Turner, Sean Penn, Martin & Charlie Sheen, Barbara Streisand, Robert Redford, & (Hanoi) Jane Fonda with you.

    P.S.S. And you won't have to press 1 for English when you call our country.
    Very good. The only economic model that has ever been proven to work in the history of the world is trickle down. Give those who have the talent to make money unfettered freedom to do so and everyone will benefit in the trickle down residual effect. No government handouts required (or wanted.)
    JoJoGunn and Jeanlouise like this.

  5. #4
    Distinguished Member Array Glock2201's Avatar
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    That's awesome. I might have missed it but if I did not make sure you give them Piers Morgan as well. Maybe He is covered in general some where but I think he requires a line all by himself to avoid any confusion later on.
    JoJoGunn likes this.

  6. #5
    Distinguished Member Array lionround's Avatar
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    Well, I looked on Snopes and could not find anything one way or the other. If it's on the internet, it must be true.
    JoJoGunn likes this.
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  7. #6
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    I'm sticking with my Beach party platform.
    JoJoGunn likes this.
    Retired USAF E-8. Avatar is OldVet from days long gone. Oh, to be young again.
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  8. #7
    VIP Member Array JoJoGunn's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by OldVet View Post
    I'm sticking with my Beach party platform.
    Sounds like a plan. During the Year 2000 U.S. Election process, I was gleaning the TV channels for something other than the tripe I was witnessing. Came across a Canadian Political Debate being televised on some Gov't channel and beamed to America.

    There were like six or more, eh. Each one of them, you know, was like talking all at the same time, and that Quebec fellow Jean Claude so and so, the Prime Minister of Canada was babbling in French and broken English. You had like the Liberal Party, the Conservative Party, the Bloc Quebecois Party, the Independent Party, and I fully expected to see the camera pan over to Bob & Doug MacKenzie of the Great White North fame with the following

    "We're like the Beer Party, eh" "You hosers shut up, we're like trying to talk, eh!" "Vote for me, EH, free beer for everybody!"

    I told this to my distant cousin in Alberta and she laughed and said that was "Canadian politics" all the way.

    So, Vet, you got some competition with The Beer Party, eh!
    Last edited by JoJoGunn; September 12th, 2013 at 04:06 PM.
    "A Smith & Wesson always beats 4 aces!"

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  9. #8
    Member Array jackson85746's Avatar
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    We can have a Beer party or a Beach party, either one sounds good to me. We CANNOT have Bourbon party or a Whiskey party. We need our friends in Tennessee and Kentucky to get along. Not only that, I don't want to take sides.
    JoJoGunn likes this.
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  10. #9
    VIP Member Array JoJoGunn's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jackson85746 View Post
    We can have a Beer party or a Beach party, either one sounds good to me. We CANNOT have Bourbon party or a Whiskey party. We need our friends in Tennessee and Kentucky to get along. Not only that, I don't want to take sides.
    We could have the "Distilled Spirits Party."
    "A Smith & Wesson always beats 4 aces!"

    The Man Prayer. "Im a man, I can change, if I have to.....I guess!" ~ Red Green

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