Every Kid Who Leaves Home Should Be Tested Over These

This is a discussion on Every Kid Who Leaves Home Should Be Tested Over These within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; I apologize if you've already run across these rules, as I'm sure many of you have. Rules to live by, if you still do the ...

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Thread: Every Kid Who Leaves Home Should Be tested Over These

  1. #1
    Distinguished Member Array randytulsa2's Avatar
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    Every Kid Who Leaves Home Should Be tested Over These

    I apologize if you've already run across these rules, as I'm sure many of you have.

    Rules to live by, if you still do the bar thing (drinking is a whole lot less fun to me than it used to be- takes more time to recover, actually hurts and you can't take your CCW gun into bars in the Sooner State).

    Rules to Proper Bar Etiquette
    Read it, Learn it, Live it!!!

    1. If you owe someone money, always pay them back in a bar. Preferably during happy hour.
    2. Always toast before doing a shot.
    3. Buying someone a drink is five times better than a handshake.
    4. Buying a strange woman a drink is still cool. Buying all her drinks is dumb.
    5. When the bartender is slammed, resist the powerful urge to order a slightly-dirty, very-dry, in-and-out, super-chilled half-and-half martini with a lemon twist. Limit orders to beer, straight shots and two-part cocktails.
    6. Never, ever tell a bartender he made your drink too strong.
    7. If he makes it too weak, order a double next time. He'll get the message.
    8. If someone offers to buy you a drink, do not upgrade your liquor preference.
    9. Our parents were better drinkers than we are.
    10. If you can't afford to tip, you can't afford to drink in a bar. Go to the liquor store.
    11. Never complain about the quality or brand of a free drink.
    12. If you are the bar's sole customer, you are obliged to make small talk with the bartender until he stops acknowledging you. Then you're off the hook. The same goes for him.
    13. Never tip with coins that have touched you. If your change is $1.50, you can tell the barmaid to keep the change, but once she has handed it to you, you cannot give it back. To a bartender or cocktail waitress, small change has no value.
    14. If you have ever told a bartender, "Hey, it all spends the same," then you are a cheap ass.
    15. It's okay to drink alone.
    16. Men don't drink from straws.
    17. If you do a shot, finish it. If you don't plan to finish it, don't accept it.
    18. Your songs will come on as you're leaving the bar.
    19. Never yell out jukebox selections to someone you don't know.
    20. If you think you might be slurring a little, then you are slurring a lot. If you think you are slurring a lot, then you are not speaking English.
    21. If you are broke and a friend is "sporting you", you must laugh at all his jokes and play wingman when he makes his move.
    22. If you are trading rounds with a friend and he asks if you're ready for another, always say yes. Once you fall out of sync you will end up buying more drinks than him.
    23. The people with the most money are rarely the best tippers.
    24. Asking a bartender what beers are on tap when the handles are right in front of you is the equivalent of saying, "I'm an idiot."
    25. Never ask a bartender "what's good tonight?" They do not fly in the scotch fresh from the coast every morning.
    26. If there is a line for drinks, get your goddamn drink and step the hell away from the bar!!!
    27. If there is ever any confusion, the fuller beer is yours.
    28. The patrons at your local bar are your extended family, your fathers and mothers, your brothers and sisters. Except you get to sleep with these sisters. And if you're really drunk, the mothers.
    29. Never argue your tab at the end of the night. Remember, you're hammered and they're sober. either way you're going to come off as a jackass.

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  3. #2
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    Array buckeye .45's Avatar
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    I'm still young so I do the bar thing. Plus I work in a bar, and I can attest that there are a great number of college students and others who have no ideas about this sort of thing. I'd only argue the change thing, cause at out bar they get to roll it and change in it for paper money at the end of the night, although I get your point. Good and interesting read, I do almost all of those without ever even thinking about it, but then again, with straight whiskey and bottled beer, its hard to accomplish some of those.
    Fortes Fortuna Juvat

    Former, USMC 0311, OIF/OEF vet
    NRA Pistol/Rifle/Shotgun/Reloading Instructor, RSO, Ohio CHL Instructor

  4. #3
    VIP Member Array ccw9mm's Avatar
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    "Remember, you're hammered and they're sober. either way you're going to come off as a jackass."

    Yup. That's about it. Particularly if packing.
    Your best weapon is your brain. Don't leave home without it.
    Thoughts: Justifiable self defense (A.O.J.).
    Explain: How does disarming victims reduce the number of victims?
    Reason over Force: The Gun is Civilization (Marko Kloos).
    NRA, GOA, OFF, ACLDN.

  5. #4
    Distinguished Member Array SixBravo's Avatar
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    Worked at a bar as a bouncer for a while. I've never been directly effected by these, but I know every single one of them. Makes me angry.
    The Gunsite Blog
    ITFT / Quick Kill Review
    "It is enough to note, as we have observed, that the American people have considered the handgun to be the quintessential self-defense weapon." - Justice Scalia, SCOTUS - DC v Heller - 26 JUN 2008

  6. #5
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    Those Numbers Ring True...

    They also say that a beer a day is good for one's health. I don't drink much any more, but my 'health' has been preserved through the year 2095...

    Stay alert...drink very little...enjoy life...stay safe!

    OMO

    ret
    The last Blood Moon Tetrad for this millennium starts in April 2014 and ends in September 2015...according to NASA.

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    NRA Life Member[/B]

  7. #6
    Senior Member Array DPro.40's Avatar
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    I hope your not angry

    I'm pretty sure I drank my share of beer and your part too. Man I miss the smell of stale beer and puke.
    Freedom is never more than one generation away from extinction. We didn't pass it to our children in the bloodstream. It must be fought for, protected, and handed on for them to do the same.
    Ronald Reagan

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    Member Array 500Mag's Avatar
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    I'll drink to that list
    "A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the PEOPLE to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed."

  9. #8
    Senior Member Array tanksoldier's Avatar
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    Huh. I used to list AFTER I was drunk... it's how the gate guards knew to call the company so the CQ could get us all back in our cubbyholes in the barracks.


    Quote Originally Posted by 500Mag View Post
    I'll drink to that list
    "I am a Soldier. I fight where I am told, and I win where I fight." GEN George S. Patton, Jr.

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