What I've Learned From Being A Cop For 25 Years.....

What I've Learned From Being A Cop For 25 Years.....

This is a discussion on What I've Learned From Being A Cop For 25 Years..... within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; What I’ve Learned From Being A Cop For 25 Years: By K.E. Johnson 1) Many Mothers would lie to Jesus Christ himself to keep their ...

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  1. #1
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    Thumbs up What I've Learned From Being A Cop For 25 Years.....

    What I’ve Learned From Being A Cop For 25 Years: By K.E. Johnson

    1) Many Mothers would lie to Jesus Christ himself to keep their sons out of jail.
    2) Thugs will always use their momma’s address no matter where they live. (See above)
    3) A thug will always be a thug unless they have some divine intervention.
    4) Spouses are proud of their cop spouse but they don’t like the fact that they have to work nights, weekends, and holidays.
    5) Marijuana is the drug of choice for the majority of drug users.
    6) Many indigent people have no problem raising bail money.
    7) Women that are receiving government assistance are very fertile.
    8) A cop in uniform can make the most innocent person nervous.
    9) The worst drivers are the ones whose license is already suspended for failing to pay traffic tickets.
    10) Kids want attention and they need a daddy.
    11) Bad kids normally don’t have a daddy in their life.
    12) People tie dogs up to a tree in the backyard and forget about them.
    13) You can find out just about anything about somebody if you just ask them.
    14) Young cops use their physical skills to solve problems.
    15) Seasoned cops use their knowledge and wisdom to solve problems.
    16) Just about anybody will cooperate if you just treat them with respect.
    17) Some people refuse to let you treat them with respect.
    18) Cops are some of the most interesting people I know.
    19) Criminals are more interesting.
    20) Cops are injured more playing church softball than on duty.
    21) Knees are the first thing to go.
    22) Many people will marry a cop and then try to talk them into getting out of law enforcement.
    23) Most cops who leave the job eventually come back, but without the spouse that talked them into getting out of law enforcement.
    24) Hamburgers are awesome when you haven’t had anything to eat for most of your shift.
    25) Fast food puts on the pounds quick … and cause heartburn … but it taste awesome.
    26) Riding in a patrol car with all that gear on wreaks havoc on your lower back.
    27) Chiropractors really do help back pain … and headaches.
    28) Female cops do not get the respect they deserve.
    29) Cops really do want to make a difference when they become a cop but soon become jaded and cynical.
    30) Judges will start court when they get damn well ready to.
    31) People don’t mind staring at a cop.
    32) People will walk up to a cop that’s eating lunch and say “I don’t mean to interrupt your lunch, but can I ask you a question?”
    33) Most cops don’t mind being interrupted while they are eating lunch if the person asking the question is good looking.
    34) It’s easy for sorry people to get disability benefits.
    35) Genuinely disabled people have a tough time getting benefits.
    36) You cannot reason with a drunk person.
    37) Drunk people will ask you repeatedly, “What are you charging me with?”
    38) No matter how fair you are, cops will always be viewed as racist.
    39) Some people hate cops simply because they wear a uniform.
    40) Some people love cops simply because they wear a uniform.
    41) Detectives think patrol officers are stupid.
    42) Patrol officers think detectives are (expletive deleted).
    43) People will leave anything in their car while it’s running parked at a convenience store, including babies.
    44) People that leave their cars running while they go inside convenience stores are always shocked when their cars get stolen.
    45) Men will beat their wives and when they are being hauled off to jail they’ll say, “I would never do anything to hurt you, baby.”
    46) Abused women often feel like they did something wrong.
    47) Controlling men seek out women that always feel like they did something wrong.
    48) People don’t mind coming to a cop’s house to ask them question.
    49) Cop’s kids love the fact that their Dad/Mom is a cop until they reach their teen years.
    50) Sometimes, parents do everything right when raising their kids, but their kids turn out bad anyway.
    51) You can show someone a video of them committing a crime, match their prints and DNA to the scene, and they will still deny it.
    52) Pepper spray works on just about everybody.
    53) If you have used pepper spray on somebody and it didn’t work, be ready for one ******* fight.
    54) If you just tell somebody that you have a Taser, they will usually comply.
    55) When the fight is on, all of the techniques you learned with a PR-24 go out the window and you use it like the old fashion billy club anyway.
    56) Most thugs will answer “Where do you live?” with “Up da skreet.”
    57) A mad woman will tell you where their baby’s daddy’s weed/guns/stolen stuff is to get them arrested and then will bail them out the next day.
    58) When some cops make sergeant they feel that they shouldn’t have to do anymore police work because they need to “be ready” if something big happens that requires their supervision.
    59) Police agencies don’t communicate enough with each other to solve crime.
    60) A very small percentage of people take up a large percentage of the police’s time.
    61) Cops and nurses like each other.
    62) Husbands of women cops normally can’t handle the fact that their wife is a cop, so a woman cop would be better off to just marry another cop.
    63) People will ask a cop for his/her opinion on a legal issue and then want to argue with them about their opinion.
    64) People will call 911 for ANYTHING.
    65) I never bothered to learn how much time a suspect could get for a certain crime because they almost never get sentenced to the full amount anyway.
    66) I’m always suspicious of a stranger that suddenly wants to be my friend.
    67) Your average person is extremely complacent and very vulnerable to being victimized.
    68) Law enforcement has one of the highest rates of divorce, but that’s who people call to handle their domestic disputes. IRONIC!
    69) Nothing brings production in the investigator cubicle area to a screeching halt quicker than the mention of last night’s sporting event.
    70) You shouldn’t make light of another man’s misfortune.
    71) I’ve asked every parent of good kids what they did to keep them out of trouble and got the same answer every time: “Keep them busy.”
    72) A cop that writes a ticket to everybody he stops usually has some self-esteem issues.
    73) Fear keeps people from doing the right thing.
    74) The “mob mentality” will make otherwise law-abiding people behave as thugs.
    75) Apathy is way too common in our society.
    76) If cops only knew what other cops know, we could reduce crime better than what we are doing. We DO NOT communicate well with each other, and some believe that knowledge is power if it’s withheld. Knowledge is only powerful when disseminated.
    77) There is nothing more exciting than hunting for a fugitive on the run.
    78) There are THREE sides to every story. One side, then the other side, then there’s the whole truth.
    79) The only thing that shocks me anymore is ELECTRICITY!

    __._,_.___
    II Timothy 1:7 God has not given us the spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind.

    "Violence is seldom the answer, but when it is the answer it is the only answer". T. Larkin


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    Wow. That's a lot of wisdom to fit on one page. The LEO version of "Proverbs".
    __________________________________
    'Clinging to my guns and religion

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    80) Alot of people don't like Cops until something happens to them or their loved ones, then their everybody's daddy.
    gatorbait51 and FlaRon like this.

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    VIP Member Array oakchas's Avatar
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    What I've learned from 57 years as a civilian.

    1) FlaRon espouses the beliefs of K.E. Johnson, and they're both pretty much right on target.

    Thanks for the post, your service, the service of Mr.Johnson, and the rest of the blue line.
    FlaRon and gatorbait51 like this.
    Rats!
    It could be worse!
    I suppose

  5. #5
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    Words of wisdom gleaned from years of experience. A cops job can be the worst and the best in 5 min. time. I salute the women and men of law enforcement, and I can't imagine what it would be like without you. Thank you all. Great read FlaRon, thanks for sharing.
    FlaRon and gatorbait51 like this.
    I shoot with a pistol and a Canon. We must all hang together amigos, or we will all hang separately. NRA life member.

  6. #6
    Distinguished Member Array Glock2201's Avatar
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    Thanks for the post FlaRon and thanks for your service.

    "up da street" is my favorite one.
    FlaRon likes this.

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    VIP Member Array Jaeger's Avatar
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    I duck hunt with cops, and thousands of hours sitting in the blind BSing with them has taught me allot. I would say that their views are all 5X5 with yours.

    Here are some additions from an outside observer:

    #) The best cops are half outlaw, think like a criminal, and act that way sometimes too

    #) The best medicine for cops is hanging out with non-cops, because cops together will talk about work, and that's no way to unwind and relax.

    #) All cops should have a hobby that has nothing to do with Law Enforcement.

    #) Never allow yourself to be around cops when a Conservation Agent checks you, because they act exactly like the criminals they interact with, only they know the 4th Amendment, laws, and limits of power much better (which makes the experience much worse)

    #) Always try to be around off-duty cops when you have to interact with uniformed police officers, they DO have get out of jail free cards under their badges in their wallets (no matter what they may say)

    #) What separates a great cop from the rest is often being able to tell the difference between a citizen and a criminal
    “Of all tyrannies, a tyranny sincerely exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive." C.S. Lewis

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    Member Array RockingGlock32's Avatar
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    Thank you for the insight im going out to try and become a LEO next year . Thank you for your service.

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    VIP Member Array StormRhydr's Avatar
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    Thanks for the laughs! Great list.

    Still laughing over this one:

    57) A mad woman will tell you where their baby’s daddy’s weed/guns/stolen stuff is to get them arrested and then will bail them out the next day.

  10. #10
    VIP Member Array Jaeger's Avatar
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    Dude, it's the honest truth. An Lt. buddy told me that they get people tattling on other people all the time and check them out when time allows. It only rarely leads to an arrest. Most of the time it's someone just trying to mess with and create problems for someone else they don't like.

    If a girlfriend or wife calls about a spouse/baby daddy/etc. they're stumbling over themselves to rush to their squad cars and go get the perp, because it's 99.999% of the time the info spot on, actionable, and will lead to an arrest. Hell hath no furry and all that...
    “Of all tyrannies, a tyranny sincerely exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive." C.S. Lewis

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    I've never seen such a long lists of "facts" before. Can't dispute any of them!
    Retired USAF E-8. Lighten up and enjoy life because:
    Paranoia strikes deep, into your heart it will creep. It starts when you're always afraid... "For What It's Worth" Buffalo Springfield

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    Member Array ChrisATX's Avatar
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    8) A cop in uniform can make the most innocent person nervous.
    Nah, especially not since watching my girlfriend's little brother go through the whole process to become one. Really humanizing. Gives me hope and lets me know there are good ones out there.

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    Great list,,, pretty much spot on. Notice the list is from being a COP for 25 years. Not being in law enforcement. IMO The guy who compiled this list was a cop... not a leo. And yes... there is a difference.

  14. #14
    Member Array grbr's Avatar
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    From the civilian peanut gallery:

    1) If you're in trouble with a cop: walk up to them and shake their hand firmly, admit anything stupid you did, admit it was stupid, tell no lies or excuses, and smile and be nice the whole time while repeatedly exclaiming how stupid you were...then I think they'd let you get away with anything short of murder.

    2) Waving and smiling at cops every day as you pass them by in the street is a great way to get out of speeding tickets later (only works in smaller areas of course).

    3) An excuse that seems (or even IS) perfectly valid is seen in totally different light by someone that's heard it 42 million times. It better be bullet proof...and even then you still might be better off not giving it.

    4) Young cops are absolutely positive you are guilty of something, even once they figure out you didn't do what they originally thought you did. Try to deal with old cops whenever possible. When they realize their original suspicions are wrong, they then shift to thinking of you as a normal person. When a young cop realizes their original suspicions are wrong they just shift to thinking you must be some other type of criminal that they haven't discovered yet.

    5) Men never get out of speeding tickets when pulled over by a woman. Just say yes maam and take the ticket and be glad she didn't tack on something else.

    6) Telling a police officer you're gonna fight a ticket in court while they're giving it to you is probably the only time a police officer will bother showing up to court when someone fights a ticket.

    7) Don't ever drink in a college town. At all.

    8) Chicago law enforcement and courts have a corruption level on par with Somalia. Stay away.

    Not as extensive, but valuable things I've learned in life as a civilian in dealing with cops. :)

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    Were you a Cop for 79 years to get a list that long .
    Member of the NRA
    {A}RMS discourage and keep the invader and plunderer in awe, and preserve order in the world as well as property...Horrid mischief would ensue were the law-abiding deprived of the use of them
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    Not afraid to live & Not afraid to die .

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