Thinking about retirement?

Thinking about retirement?

This is a discussion on Thinking about retirement? within the Off Topic & Humor Discussion forums, part of the The Back Porch category; Stolen, enjoy You can retire to Phoenix, Arizona where... 1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away from your house because you found shade. ...

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Thread: Thinking about retirement?

  1. #1
    Senior Member Array Bubbiesdad's Avatar
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    Thinking about retirement?

    Stolen, enjoy

    You can retire to Phoenix, Arizona where...

    1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away from your house because you found shade.
    2. You've experienced condensation on your hiney from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
    3. You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town.
    4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
    5. You know that "dry heat" is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door.
    6. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??

    OR

    You can retire to California where...

    1. You make over $450,000 a year and you still can't afford to buy a house.
    2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
    3. You know how to eat an artichoke.
    4. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.
    5. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.
    6. The 4 seasons are: Fire, Flood, Drought and Earthquake.


    OR

    You can retire to New York City where...

    1. You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan ...
    2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
    3. You think Central Park is "nature."
    4. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual.
    5. You've worn out a car horn. (IF you have a car).
    6. You think eye contact is an act of aggression.

    OR

    You can retire to Minnesota where...

    1. You only have three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup
    2. Halloween costumes have to fit over parkas.
    3. You have seventeen recipes for casserole.
    4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
    5. The four seasons are: almost winter, winter, still winter, and road repair.
    6. The highest level of criticism is "He is different, she is different or It was different!

    OR

    You can retire to The Deep South where...

    1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
    2. "Y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural.
    3. "He needed killin" is a valid defense.
    4. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Joe Bob, Betty Jean, Mary Beth, etc, etc.
    5. Everywhere is either "in yonder," "over yonder" or "out yonder".....


    OR
    You can retire to Colorado where... ONLY IN THE GREATER REPUBLIC OF BOULDER!!!

    1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
    2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and so he stops at the day care center.
    3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.
    4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.


    OR

    You can retire to the Nebraska where...

    1. You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
    2. Your idea of a traffic jam is three cars waiting to pass a tractor.
    3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.
    4. You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my coat at.


    OR

    FINALLY You can retire to Florida where...
    1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.
    2. You need 3 showers a day in June, July and August.
    3. The shower water may smell like rotten eggs.
    4. All purchases include a coupon of some kind -- even houses and cars.
    5. Everyone can recommend an excellent cardiologist, dermatologist, proctologist, podiatrist, or orthopedist.
    6. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
    7. Cars in front of you often appear to be driven by headless people.


    You know, maybe you should retire where you are right now..............!!
    Always remember that others may hate you but those who hate you don't win unless you hate them. And then you destroy yourself.
    Richard M Nixon
    Owning a handgun doesn't make you armed any more than owning a guitar makes you a musician.
    Jeff Cooper


  2. #2
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    Absolutely nailed Florida! It amazed me when I moved here in '93 how many Lincoln Town Cars were driverless, which might explain the right-hand turn from the left lane and vice-versa on a regular basis.
    Retired USAF E-8. Lighten up and enjoy life because:
    Paranoia strikes deep, into your heart it will creep. It starts when you're always afraid... Buffalo Springfield - For What It's Worth

  3. #3
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    Always seems the best place to retire is some place you don't currently reside. I don't think any state is impervious to its own drawbacks be it weather, anti-2a, taxes, demographics, standard of living, lack of adequate medical care, etc. Personally, I for one will be heading to one of the "y'all" states where carrying is a right, not a privilege.
    Aceoky and BamaT like this.
    "The best we can hope for concerning the people at large is that they be properly armed." Alexander Hamilton

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  4. #4
    VIP Member Array OutWestSystems's Avatar
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    Boulder was very accurate, good thing most of the rest of the state is sane.
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  5. #5
    Distinguished Member Array CWOUSCG's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by OldVet View Post
    Absolutely nailed Florida! It amazed me when I moved here in '93 how many Lincoln Town Cars were driverless, which might explain the right-hand turn from the left lane and vice-versa on a regular basis.
    Or they're driven by a Q-Tip!
    msgt/ret likes this.

  6. #6
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    I forgot about the rotten egg smell of the water in Florida.

    I wouldn't consider retiring there but to visit NYC is one of the best times I have had, we use to go bout every year in the 80's to the toy convention (we were in the toy business). I loved all the different ethnicity's esp at the toy fair where many like a lot of NYC in itself were their visiting from all over the world. Wonderful memories.
    Matthew 5:44

    But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;.


    ~ Jesus ~

  7. #7
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    The Deep South suits me just fine. All y'all don't know how good it is down here....even if I have many more years before I retire...
    -PEF, a Framer with a Steelie...
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    1. All guns are always loaded.
    2. Never let the muzzle cover anything you are not willing to destroy.
    3. Keep your finger off the trigger until your sights are on the target.
    4. Be sure of your target and what is beyond it.

  8. #8
    Member Array Sturgis's Avatar
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    I retired at 49 and I'm still in NYC, but I have been spending a lot of time at my condo on Florida's Gulf Coast. Pretty soon I'm gonna give up on NYC and just stick to Florida.--- Sturgis
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  9. #9
    Member Array DZUS's Avatar
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    You can retire to California where...

    1. You make over $450,000 a year and you still can't afford to buy a house.
    2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
    3. You know how to eat an artichoke.
    4. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.
    5. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.
    6. The 4 seasons are: Fire, Flood, Drought and Earthquake.


    Many are true , or essentially so. (# 4 does not make much sense)

    Artichokes, btw, are one of the few nice things about the once-golden state. (Yosemite might be another.)

    .
    msgt/ret likes this.
    Never give in--never, never, never, never, in nothing great or small, large or petty, never give in except to convictions of honour and good sense. Never yield to force; never yield to the apparently overwhelming might of the enemy.
    - - Sir Winston Churchill, 1941

  10. #10
    Distinguished Member Array sealteam20001's Avatar
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    Gota Love Alaska more Moose than people, plus I can see Russia, plus guns are everywhere.
    Aceoky and Sister like this.

  11. #11
    Senior Member Array CanuckQue's Avatar
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    That heat in Arizona sound awful
    The only acceptable long-term outcome is to find a cure. It's an actual solution, requiring forward-thinking efforts.

    Until then, we're just arguing about who's pushing who.


  12. #12
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    I'd talk about how pretty Utah is (and gun friendly) but I don't want to stand behind all y'all in line at the sporting goods stores
    Aceoky likes this.
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  13. #13
    Distinguished Member Array Hodad's Avatar
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    I don't understand why anyone would want to retire. Change vocations maybe, but stop working altogether?

    Doesn't compute for me.
    CWOUSCG likes this.
    "Life is tough but it's really tough if you are stupid"

  14. #14
    Distinguished Member Array 5lima30ret's Avatar
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    Several items for Florida that weren't mentioned;
    8. Everyone is from somewhere else
    9. Love bugs are a season
    10.You hear almost daily how much better it was in__(fill in blank)__ before moving to Florida
    Retired Police Lieutenant, Retired USAF Reserve, Glock Armorer, NC CWP, HR-218 Qualified
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